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izatga88's Recent Entries

Something New

by izatga88

Ugh....I seriosuly DO NOT know WTF just happened to me right now.... I've been off of my files for a short while and have had absolutely ~no~ urges to do anything sexual - come evening, I'm usually so tired I just drop. I've been INSANELY busy doing a bunch of think-heavy stuff but.....I had a bit of an early weekend.

Having gotten some stuff done this morning, I went to relax - I really even had no intention of posting today. Poking around on my PC, one of my friends sent me a funny video of an "outtake" involving a porn actor slipping as he got out of bed with his partner, and then practically ripping his own dick off as he slammed into the bedframe (though it was a short clip, there was a few frames of actual sex).

I said it was funny, ~haha~ & went back to poking for another few minutes, & then without even noticing, I wound up in my bathroom, stripping, and furiously jamming my fingers into my pussy......it was like....just out of NOWHERE. I seriously didn't even realise what I was doing, and what's got me weirded out more, is that instead of just being noisy like I usually have been as of late, I was actually REALLY starting to get into it and shout dirty stuff out.....at....myself? @_@

Gawd, I'm STILL shaking from it......two orgasms, and the second one.....I almost passed out from it. I've kinda got my wits about me again, but.....is this like, some kind of thing having to do with all of the files I'd used having been Curse-type files? I haven't even gotten a chance to use them for almost a week, and a minute or two of porn got me horny enough to get me wet & acting like a dumb, slutty pornstar.

I'd thought about it before, but for the sake of my sanity, brushed it aside.....but now I'm wondering again what other actions have been affected by my programming? I mean, I've been doing my fitness & health stuff a little differently as of late....I dunno why I thought to change it, but now I'm wondering if something in me thought it might be a good idea to round out my curves even more....?

Shit.....the family's home now.....glad they missed my bimbo episode.....I think I'd rather die than have them all see me naked, wet, and screaming shit out with no control....ugh.... #-#

Comments

- izatga88

Ya, no more relaxing weekend.....I got up and the only thing I felt was my pussy dripping all over myself & down my legs. One little video....I can totally like, feel my mind all hazing out and stuff......giggly.....wanting cock....so horny again..... @_@

- Guuliar

wish I could feel that. Sadly my personality is built around self control so loss of control files are automatically rejected.

- nativedragon

i think you should get some decurse files from the curse files makers and then stop all together and see if that helps as it sounds like for abit you had broken your programming or weakened it and maybe there was a trigger word in the video you watched

- BillionSix

I doubt it was an actual trigger word. I think after a week of heavy thinking and work, the simple act of seeing something blatantly sexual acted as the trigger.

- izatga88

Nnnn....I'm still all totally wet from earlier. I don't.....like, want to erase anything, 'cause I think I'm ultimately happier this way, but.....my resistence is fading quick, and my want to "comply" is echoing in my head. Hmm, the weekend is going to be like, filled with tuns of groping & pleasuring myself & stuff......no time for anything else.....

- Plaat

I like the fact you were able to function well for a good amount of time, and when alone could be triggered into bimbo mode, then recover. You don't need to erase perhaps, but keeping it contained into bouts when you want it. A goal?

- Whimsical

Yeah, no need to erase anything. Think of it like trying to diet- you deny yourself a chocolate, and deny yourself, and deny yourself, and then finally, when you get a chance, you eat the whole box of chocolate. Something similar happened here- you've been suppressing the bimbo side (with good reason), and suppressing it, and then when it was safe, the bimbo part of you came out super strong. You've proven you can control it when you have to, and the bimbo side will only come out when its safe for her to come out, so enjoy it! Just keep us informed, is all. ;)

- xHeartx

What were you shouting at yourself?

- mutatedbunnyboy

Its been 6 months since you started this journal, have you been with a man yet?

- Whimsical

Heart asks an excellent question- what were you shouting at yourself?

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