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izatga88's Recent Entries

September Already?

by izatga88

To start off, I'd like to answer the comment/question from the 3rd and note that I've still been hiding my condition from my sister - she's a fairly judgmental person, and she's already told me she doesn't know what the hell had been going on with me at a couple points since I was acting so weird.

With that out of the way, can you freaking believe it's almost going to be an entire year (in a couple months) since I started bimbo-washing myself? I was thinking about it this morning since I was having trouble sleeping. It's been....a little over 2 weeks(?) since I last listened to my files, so I've figured that any odd effects I've been feeling was the work of my sister's new "airborne aphrodisiacs", yet the scent has kind of settled in & I have not been noticing it too much - I realised this morning that I'd not only gone back to bimbo'ing my hair up again, but I somehow unconsciously picked up (and have been using for the last week) some of the shiniest (and sluttiest) pink nail polish & lip gloss I've probably ever worn.....just looking at my fingers & hands....they'd be better wrapped around a nice hard cock with them looking like this....

I'm in a weird place right now. When I started, the trancing & everything else was completely shutting off my brain - I still cannot remember ~a lot~ of the beginning of this year. It moved on to me flipping back and forth from "brain off" to "brain on & working", then if I'm remembering right, I finally fried myself completely and was 200% bimbo 24/7......up until my access to the tools I was using were taken away (PC died) and my entire personality & mood crashed. At present, I think I've finally recovered from having the metaphorical carpet ripped out from under me - I've been in a stellar mood this last week, and things have been looking up.

It's both exciting ~and~ horrifying then that while I can sit & be productive, and otherwise be an intelligent and functional person again, I'm starting to see the effects of the programming - now of all times. Aside from my recent choice in glosses & hairstyling, "like" has been slipping back into my vocabulary, my speech has been getting progressively suggestive, my ability to type properly & form proper sentences is degrading, and I'm starting to get that "floaty-lightheaded" feeling again where my desire to pin guys down and drain their juices stamps out all other reason. For right now, I've got this stressful balancing act going on where all of my conscious actions seem to be serious & normal things I'd expect from myself, but bimbo-y things are sneaking in without my noticing, and the second something sets me off or I start interacting with a guy, I completely lose my sanity and turn into an air-headed slut.

It's scary how powerful this is - I know others that've PM'd me & talked a bit have had similar persistence from their programming....I really have no control over my thoughts and desires anymore beyond what my programming has allowed me. Even still, the thought of that actually being my reality makes me so hot that I'd never have the willpower to fix myself. Overall, things have been looking up as I've said, and living as a functional bimbo for now seems to be working really well. My only complaint at this moment is that I can't pleasure myself too well alone now since any poking at my pussy is just too much sensation for me to bear.

Lastly, I think I may have actually found a guy ~ yay! I was out minding my own business, we bumped into each other briefly, and a single conversation has led to a few more over the internet. I probably have not felt this great about someone for......a very long time I guess, so I'm hoping it turns out to be worth pursuing some more. :D


Comments

- izatga88

Bleh, there's still some typos up there that I don't feel like fixing....I forgot to add to the list of complaints: random, dumb-giggle fits get annoying when I can't control them & cause others to think I have a screw loose.

- mutatedbunnyboy

Remember this sudden attraction could be all the programming at work, just be careful and enjoy :)

- izatga88

Nope, it's the real deal my being interested in a person's thoughts and ideas are completely separate from my wanting to fuck their brains out.....right?

Since it was brought up over PM, I should mention that I've been doing oddjobs/freelancing for immediate expenses and sadly do not have permanent employment pinned down yet. ;_;

Also, though I previously would go unaware of doing anything bimbo-y, it seems like now I'm 100% aware while I'm doing it.....I just can't stop anything now when it happens.....it's really weird. It also makes everything feel that much more intense.

- mutatedbunnyboy

Fair enough, as long as you're happy :) did you get cravings and urges often, as for not being able to touch yourself, well you really need a strong man, to just take you.

- Guuliar

woohoo!! dances!! Good for you. ^_^

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