It's honestly starting to get a little annoying....I've been having that voice in my head again for the last 24 hours. It ~sounds~ similar to my usual "inner thoughts voice", but it almost robotically repeats stuff from my file loop & mentions "I'm a bad girl & must listen to my training blah blah blah" - SERIOUSLY! Does anyone freaking know if any of the files' subliminal tracks have stuff for this???? I'm reeeeeally wondering if this isn't part of some weird reinforcement I added last year & have otherwise forgotten about.

I'm in a peculiar position at the moment. I'd have rather "slit my wrists" than admitted that something was ~off~ before (metaphorically speaking), but now that I've been re-working a lot of the suggestions to remain alert and such, my renewed state of consciousness as of late is beyond clear enough to realise that you all probably were legitimately worried in the past - I can completely admit NOW that I trashed my last job because of how much of a dumbed down & slutty bimbo I was getting to be. I totally DO NOT want that to happen again.

A recent PM mentioned about getting into contact with an actual hypno-therapist, but it's hard to find a trustworthy & good one, plus I'm completely embarrassed about what I've done to myself & the situation I'm in. Also mentioned was that curse files (and hypnotic suggestions) in general shouldn't keep bothering me if I don't like/want them to.....but that's.....a problem since I apparently have an ~extreme~ & intense fetish for loss of control (and I hate it). There's also the fact that my bored/curious self that was experimenting with all of this stuff a year ago added in an extra command or two to ensure I wouldn't chicken out with my experimenting & my "results" would be a bit more consistent/noticeable/reliable (from a scientific standpoint) - not to mention the fact that I'd also overlaid outright brainwashing and behavior modification on top of everything to reinforce all of the hypnotic suggestions. So while I'm terrified I'm going to go bimbo at my next job, wave my ass around the workplace & get too dumb to do the work properly, I'm also simultaneously wetting my panties with excitement for no reason I can understand (it's embarrassing & I hate it!!!!).

I've been fighting with myself all day over whether or not I should restore my file loop back to its FULL influence and just give in, but I like that guy I've been seeing over the past couple of weeks too much to bimbo out and wreck any possible growth in our casual meetings......our schedules have not synced this week, thus I'm left alone to fight off my programming since he isn't around to distract my thoughts. The impulses are getting pretty bad too - in the middle of being totally disgusted by the thought of being dumbed-down & living only to service men (and apparently some women?), I ~feel~ like there should be a (dammit, I'm going to have to change my underwear now) a nice juicy (>_>) cock in my mouth to pleasure & suck on. Why does human sexuality have to be so complicated?