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izatga88's Recent Entries

What the @#&* is Happening to Me?

by izatga88

So this last week's been pretty slow. I think I might have a slight cold - there's no sore throat or coughing, but I can tell that my energy is down and I've got some slight sinus pressure going on.

I'd gotten an opportunity to at least run through some of the files & other stuff I use while on my PC, so that seems to have helped a bit, but I've been noticing that the whole set of sensations that comes with getting turned on has been more intense as of late (easy to get started into it all too). I caught myself completely spacing out the other day. I was sitting there all warm and tingling with my head in a horny fog, and before I knew it, I'd been staring at a spot on the wall for 10 minutes without even realising it. My mind just seems to blank out like a champ these days as soon as the desire for sex kicks in.....I have no doubt that I'd be a great candidate for becoming someone's mindless fucktoy when in that state, and it's so easy to slip into now.....I can barely even remember a time when my mind used to kind of fight a lot of this - that "voice" in my head has been gone for ages, and the only thing left in it's place is a giggling bimbo.

What's freaking me out though (I cant remember if I mentioned this before or not) is that recently, something else has been happening amidst all of this getting hot & stupid. I'm not sure exactly when this started or what caused it, but I've been getting this weird urge to find some unsuspecting guy and just....."sex him dry".....not sure how else to put it. It's like this weird, dark feeling that creeps up on me while I'm giggling mindlessly and feeling like I'm tasting a nice & juicy cock in my mouth - I've been trying to ignore and deny it, but this last week or so, it's been getting pretty intense.

I'm posting about it now since I've been unable to shut it off for the last 24 hours......it's just about the only thing stuck on my mind at the moment, and it won't go away. I feel like I need to tie some guy down to a bed somewhere and use him like a living vibrator until I'm too sore to keep going. Even if it's some random guy at the supermarket like today.......if he's not going to invite me back to his place to make me his mindless, giggling slut, I'd invite him to mine & drain him of his fluids until I'd pass out......then keep doing it the day after too. It feels like I'm losing myself here, and I don't know why it's happening. Even if it's just a series of casual encounters, I seriously feel like I need to have my brains fucked out of me or I'm going to explode.

I guess......with the hypnosis and conditioning up to this point, I usually just get passive and obey the commands that have been installed to my head. It's like it's my normal self, but I'm slowing down and focusing on feeling good and being "useful". Whatever this new thing is though, it's like something from deep inside of me is taking over and gets ready to do everything and anything to tie someone down (whether they like it or not) so that I can quench my thirst and drown in extreme pleasure & ecstasy.

Comments

- izatga88

WHOA. My mind has just been blown - even just minutes after finishing that post & I caught myself giggling my head off without even realising it in front of my sister.....the more I look back on the last few days, I must have sounded like a total airhead in front of her......I didn't even notice until she said something about it just now......what the heck have I done to myself.....

The second my brain registered what she said, I'm starting to remember everything I'd been doing with her this weekend. I really cant believe it. Last year when I started, this sort of thing would happen while I was under the control of the files & half-tranced into a complete bimbo mindset, but that's been under control for months now......yet I was doing all of that as my "normal self" and not even realising it.

Have I just been doing this for so long now that being a dumb slut has become as automatic as breathing to me? I've been doing it all weekend.....what else have I not been noticing/remembering? I feel so dizzy.

- mystic-wolf

Seems the conditioning and the hypnosis files have some strange effect of you, making you hungry for sex on pretty high scale, though it doesn't even sound much like a normal bimbo, more like some kind of succubus if you'd want to drain them till your tired and would even tie them down to do it, really, if you are afraid you should seek help i'ts fine if you don't want too though, i mean you've found ways before to throw at effects you didn't want.

- Big_Mamba

Are you really that shocked about an increased sex drive ? I mean you are listening to bimbo files here, remember what a bimbo is ;) Second, what exactly did you experience with your sister ? Just giggling in front of her doesnt seem to me so bad

- zapnosis

Iz, for the last year you have been programming yourself to become a living sex doll with some of the most intense psychological training you could find. For most of that time, unless there's something you've been keeping quiet about, you have been resisting the sexual urges that you have been programming yourself to have. Sooner or later something is going to give. Find a horny guy and give yourself some relief!

- izatga88

I guess I just kind of had a bit of a panic last night.....I'm still too embarrassed to talk about my situation with my sister (especially) or any of my friends face to face. My worry is that I've obviously been going around thinking that everything is under control and normal, but in reality, I've been acting like a dumb slut in front of my family and anyone else watching. I think I've officially lost control now - ya, my audio player is broken, but it's not like my PC cant play MP3 files. Now I'm questioning whether or not I ever had any control over this to begin with.

I've only ever used the files I have listed under "My Favorites" & some quick stuff I personally inserted myself pertaining to keeping myself safe (i.e. not plastering my tits all over the internet) and reinforcing the programming in my daily routine (the SLUT file even sort of already does this with the "pink" stuff).

Ugh....I need to stop. I'm not sure why, but it feels like someone is pressing their palm down on my head and I cant think of anything else to type......the point I wanted to make is that I still want to keep this quiet with my family, yet I now clearly remember even asking my sister if she wanted to watch porn with me this weekend - I hadn't even realised the gravity of that at the time nor remembered doing it. Big Mamba & Zap are right - I've done this to myself & really shouldn't expect anything less, especially after a year of it. I just never thought that it would completely take over and wipe out my old personality without me even realising it was happening.

- izatga88

I'd by lying if I said that this whole thing didn't fuel my arousal even further, it's just so shocking to have all of these effects staring me in the face when I have not been noticing them creeping up on me. I just want to be a good bimbo.....cant think.....

- Big_Mamba

Yeah but a good bimbo doesn't question herself. You are blocking you self-expression. I think it is time to use some files that "MAKE PEACE WITH WHERE YOU ARE" that is the most important thing. To accept yourself as a bimbo is possible. Imagine once you truly love yourself for the bimbo you are. No matter what others think you can live out you self and your bimbo fetish. How can others love you forthe way you are, IF YOU DO IT NO YOURSELF :) I think it is normal and good as a bimbo to watch porn. What did you sister say to it ?

- Big_Mamba

File : Sarnoga - The Furniture Shop http://www.warpmymind.com/modules.php?name=FilesNewsys&act=fetch&nopage=1&link=4506 This file will boost your accaptence, confidence and genera lwell-being concerning your bimbohood and current life situation. Give it a try IZ. There is nothing to loose and so much to gain ;)

- izatga88

My head's a little hazy, but I think she was weirded out at me - I'm going to apologise later in case I made her uncomfortable.

Otherwise, acceptance is something that will just need to come with time. I cant wipe out 20-some years of an entire personality overnight, but I'm obviously getting there eventually. Maybe someday I'll drum up the confidence I need to just go out and finally turn myself into someone's fun little toy, but until then, I need to make sure we can pay our bills and feed ourselves.

- mutatedbunnyboy

It seems like you really have gone over to the other side, you won't be coming back with without some serious effort and help. But that's fine, your transformation was delicious to watch and the constant updates have been wondrous. Thank Iz for being a good bimbo.

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