Geez.....I don't think that the "me" that existed a year ago would have figured on all of this being so life-changing. I cant even fight it anymore - I barely remember saying something about it earlier in February - I'm a complete airhead now. I don't even know what I did to have it happen.....was it the suggestions from the audio files? Something I did to condition myself? I can still sit down and type like this if do it slowly and focus like really hard and stuff, but then my mind wipes itself clean just moments after I finish. It's so hard reading......math scares me to death now. I'm constantly messing up stuff, forgetting to do things......everyone - family & co-workers aren't even phased anymore - I'm that airhead who sucks at problem-solving & needs supervised lest she accidentally leave something to catch on fire & burn the building down. I cant escape it. I THINK that it might be bad or something, but I like, don't have the slightest bit of willpower to get myself moving & do something about it. I have SUCH a hard time not making jokes about sex......it's like the second I get reminded that there's cock I could be out there sucking, any desire of mine to go do something else just vaporises. Originally, I KNOW it was the hypnotic suggestions causing the IQ drop, but I'm way beyond that now......it's almost like my brain's conditioned itself, and I'd need a lot of time to undo it with......rehab or something instead of just using a trigger to drop the trance.

That said......it might have been a bad idea to expose my friend to any of this. I've been calling her two or three times a day to make sure she's been fine. I took the day off since there was a bit of a drinking + puking incident last night during/after my dinner, so I might just head over to her place as she gets off the bus later.....I've not decided yet. I'm VERY much wondering if she hasn't been doing something - she's been dodgy about some of her week though.....it really sounds like she's been giving oral to one of her co-workers.......I just don't want HR to fire her & then she's stuck with no job to pay back on all of her cosmetic stuff.

Last weekend when I'd gone over, she was refusing to even put on clothes in her house - she's at least settled down this week, but I won't know for sure until I go over again. We wound up rolling around on the floor fighting over her cell phone since she wanted to cal in a pizza and try to fuck the delivery guy - I think she might be a bit heavier than me (the large boobs?) - I couldn't get her off & she wound up calling in the pizza anyways while I was pinned under her legs (the whole thing was seriously screwing with my head). When she finally got off me and went to her room to slap some makeup on (again, still clothes-free), I went and slid some of her chairs and stuff over to the door and was able to block her from getting out (I ~think~ I remember wedging the doorknob or something with a chair).

I was wet and sort of panting, but I actually just paid the pizza guy from my pocket & got rid of him really fast. I let her out once I saw his car drive off. Eh.....I think we argued a bit of pizza for the next while - I kept trying to talk her back down to reality, but she wasn't dropping the bimbo stuff. I don't know if she was actually under the influence of the files or just trying to "keep the sexy going", but it was REALLY hard trying to reason with her that working was better than fingering herself and playing with her vibrator all day. We argued a bit more & then I left for the night. The thing I REALLY remember the most from that night was how freaking sticky she was.

I popped over on Friday(?) to see if she was around & she wouldn't let me in (which pissed me off due to the wasted trip over). I think it was Saturday she actually called me and wanted me to come over again & say she was sorry. She was looking like a complete zombie by that point and said she had finally played with herself so much that she was sore & bleeding.

We'd talked/argued a bit and said she barely remembered that I'd done anything to her - the entire thing was really super-hazy in her memory. The thing that ultimately got her actually turned out to be her phone vibrating while she was on the bus that time. She admitted that the people around her HAD to have known what she was doing, and ultimately didn't mind them knowing she was moaning & cumming her brains out by the end of the ride. The days she did go in to work were a blur, and she couldn't figure out why it was so hard to focus. At the end of everything, she said her experience with me got her thinking about how much she actually REALLY craves sex & everything and that she has no idea if she's bi or anything else - she was having trouble ~not~ thinking about cock and fucking herself crazy - like it was some constant torture she couldn't relieve, yet it felt intense and amazing.

I stayed the night & cleaned up her place a bit (dear gawd.....so much lube-y oil junk everywhere) - she wound up falling asleep/passing out early on, so I just let her rest. She was actually able to talk somewhat normal Sunday morning & was a bit depressed she forgot to put her headphones on before bed.

Once we got waking up & food out of the way, she started asking what exactly I did to her & why the audio stuff was so addicting. I completely avoided implying I'd been using stuff on ~myself~ this whole time, and I guess she ultimately came away from the conversation with the understanding that it was like some kind of hypnotic audio "drug" thing. She finally agreed that she needed to buckle down & get to working a bit more seriously (and I think she's made it every day this week so far).

I think the largest thing throughout all this was that I just felt SO guilty for basically "flipping her switch" & then giving her no way out. I guess I obviously knew I wanted her in some devious way to end up as some airheaded bimbo, but......actually being one is so um.....hard.....easy? .....makes other things hard? Blah ~ something like that. I guess, I just didn't actually think it would all hit her so hard - I totally stepped on some issues with all of this that must have been floating around in her head before I got started on her.

The last thing I remember her telling me was that I pretty much changed her entire outlook on life. She said that all she could see in the mirror when she looked at herself now was a porn star or something, and the thought of "her pouty lips only being used to suck cock" kept turning her on endlessly. She asked if I had anymore of the awesome files for her MP3 player, and like the dumbass-airhead I am, I must have made a VERY unconvincing "no" out to her.

She wouldn't stop asking about it & finally "threatened" to get her vibrator to help loosen me up and tell her (also, she'd moved to the seat cushion next to me and started pressing her boobs against my arm). Again, I let out another probably-unconvincing no & told her I should probably get going (before she got me anymore wet than I was at that point).

Anyways, we talked on the phone later that evening & worked out the calling thing. She's been listening to her MP3 player at night pretty much "religiously", but.......so long as she's telling the truth, she's made it to work this entire week - she just keeps making these comments implying or joking about giving oral, and I cant stop wondering if she actually did & is dancing around the subject with me. Either way, I'm going to try popping over & visiting again at some point over the next 72 hours to make sure she's okay. It seems like the "pure insanity" has worn off & shes now actually ~aware~ of what she's been doing to some extent, but still cant drop the mannerisms or focus on anything other than sex for too long.

I think my largest concern at this point is my ability to keep up with everything. I at least still had some slight ability to be really smart back at the beginning of February, but it just feels like everything is snow-balling with the way that I've been conditioned to think & act, and I'm completely 200% locked into behaving & thinking like a complete bimbo now......I also REALLY freaking want her body. Again, I'd never want to be in a relationship with another girl, but.......I don't know if it's something like me actually wanting the cosmetic work she had, me thinking its ~hot~ that she had it, or me actually being attracted to her......I'm just so confused......and it doesn't help that everyone around me keeps reminding me of what I am now - even though I never said ANYTHING about the brainwashing/hypnosis. I worry that we'll BOTH be in some serious trouble if she were to figure out that I used all of those files & things on myself & that I get wet every time her boobs bounce around in my face.