Hi all.

My name is Maytong but y'all can call me May if you like. I have other names (Male and female) but wont express them here because I have a private life too.

I don't really know why I'm writing this journal. I guess I am trying to push myself further out and to stop being a quite participant. I also guess I want to see my migration to the fem so I can stop being upset about how far it is not going. Ok... truth time I'm also wanting to just spill my guts and voice my feelings.

I call myself a Transsexual because I do not have the money to go to a therapist and get diagnosed and start my transition. :(

I am Married with an understanding wife who loves me to death. She is a psychology major and wanting to specialize in sexual psychology, partially because of me and my issues. I love her to death but there are times I can see the hurt or misunderstanding in her eyes, which makes it hard. Fights erupt occasionally about my feelings (which is silly cause they are my feelings) but we always come back together.

I've been using some of these files for years since I was 18. I have had these feelings since I was a little kid. And being the child of southern baptists it made it hard to even express my feelings. Don't get me wrong though I am and always will be a christian, but other Christians don't know the meaning of the phrase "love the sinner and hate the sin." Including pastors!!! You can just see it in their eyes, the instant judging. They also forget that "All have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God." I live a pretty good life and this is my major struggle.(though I am not convinced that it is a sin to be Transgender) I know of others that have worse struggles than me that dress nice and always show up for church and they are accepted... >:(

But enough of them.

I've had a rough last few years. Which have only shown that I am this way by choice and by who I am in general. Right now I am underemployed at a pet retail store and going to school for Cinema and Game Animation (Computer based). Which I am having a blast in those classes. But my major issue with that part of my life is that my hours are being cut and I don't get paid enough to begin with. So Its like what other jobs are out there that I can get and make it. (by the way my wife is Disabled and no one will give her a job that uses her body at all... Pisses me off)

I also feel that I can not transition in my current work place without some confrontation. I wish to start living life as a girl. But I just don't know where to begin. I already don't where any male underwear and I do enjoy a good crossdressing shopping spree when I have the money (which hasn't happened in the last few years) I am 5'8" and 125 LB. And yes I do know that I have a body that most girls would kill for. Been told that many times.

My Goals are to be a Blonde, with C cups. I want to smoke (E-cigs only) and Suck cock and be a sex addicted Bimbo.

My concerns are lots of these files do not leave room for a Spouse in the mix. And to say just leave her would kill both of us. The only thing I have had to trust is my unconscious self rejecting total un-intrest in females.

I do sit to pee about 90% of the the time but have regressed of late. I also don't like sports, Never have. The only exception is Nascar, I cheer for Danica XD... Ok one other exception I like a nice minor league baseball game... good way to work on your tan XD. I love fashion but pretend to only have a passing interest because of my outer gender. (confession been listening to Rupaul's Drag race while writing) I love Star Trek and other Sci-fi genre shows and movies. I just wish I could live in their time. I do watch porn to both learn new and better sex positions and to dream about being them.

I have been using Goddess Gracies Good girl files 1 & 2 along with several of her loops to help. but I have a hard time finding the time. I also have to concentrate on my school work so I can succeed in life. I loop the files that don't require a trance when I can but that hasn't happened in a while. I am mostly limp now at times of arousal and sex believe it or not. My wife loves that I'm limp and have a hard time putting it in her pussy. She says she gets more cum from me and it keeps her from freaking out (she had some troubles in her past. Not going there) I just kind of place it at the mouth and push it in with my fingers. Her pussy does the rest XD

And if anyone can enlighten me on how to sleep with earbuds I would be happy. Cause those suckers hurt after a few hours.

Sorry for the long post but that was a long time coming. I will try to post once a week if not more often to keep this going. I hope someone enjoys reading it like I have enjoyed izatga88's journal.

--May

PS

No PMs about meet ups or trying to get me into your harem. I have a wife and am trying to start a family with her. Respect my marriage. But other than that I welcome anything you have to say. If I find it offensive I will tell you then no longer pm you after.