Well now it seams like my own mother (real) just kills my mood all the time if i am happy she will turn it around really quick, i really hate when she asks whats wrong because she should already know i am too scared to tell her the truth. my life outside my room is cold and dark, few and i mean very few people are my friends and talk to me. besides that i am just sad. Whenever i am here i am so much more happy :) nothing is mean to me no-one ridicules you for anything and my thoughts are usually happy ones. i know at times when i am regressed i randomly start crying or tearing up even if i am smiling i just start to cry. i know i have adopted a mommy and daddy here they are wonderful to me i feel so special when i am talking to them, talking to them or anyone here makes me so happy and warm :) this is the only reason i can sleep at night now. I never want to grow up so many mean people so much hate i do think that it could be to much for me at times. i know on really bad days i ask if i am gone will anyone notice or even care? i think of running off or just ending it here and now i tried medicine noting works for me all i want is to be happy again, is that too much to ask for? P.S sorry for a boring entry Now my best friend has a gf this is killing me it makes me sad knowing that I don't deserve a girl to hold and love. Still wondering why I'm here I'll never be happy I will never meet the perfect person for me. I hate my life the only place I'm happy now is here