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izatga88's Recent Entries

Aaaawkward! (Warning: Includes Rambling)

by izatga88

Y'know, I was just thinking to myself (during a lovely orgasm) that when I post stuff, everyone always seems to say "oh that's hot", or "I'd love to do you" or something like that. I'm not overly-sure of what kind of impression I've given everyone of myself over the last year-point-five I've been on here (heck, I'm not all that sure even of myself - I'm a.....conflicted bimbo? XD), but I at least think I'm secure enough to still point out - and by extension (good idea or not,) remind ya'll - that I'm not exactly some sex-goddess-pornstar person. I'm just really horny and stupid at this point! lmao~

I mean, I look great right now, especially even more than I did in college (....which might not be fair simply because I was waking up at 4am and running until 10 or 11pm on some nights), but I'm not blond, my chest is still smaller than I'd like, and I don't overall have the curves of a sex doll. I'm TERRIFIED to open my mouth during sex (to say something) on most occasions because I have no clue what to say and not-sound like an idiot rather than sexy......I just stick to moaning and all that other stuff since I can't really control it anyways. For that matter, why DO I feel the need - even when alone - to shout OH GAWD at the top of my lungs as I'm finishing up....like a reflex or something.....? There certainly have been occasions in the past where I'll take the lead or be vocal, but those moments don't usually come naturally.

It's probably just me being so self-conscious. I get that, I guess. I think it's probably safe to say that any time I have a sexual experience with another person (or pleasure myself at work), that sort of stuff is usually a result of how self-conscious I am vs. how horny & brain-dead I am at the moment. The oral thing with my BFF and her co-worker was me "shutting off" and just kinda going with it to some extent (Seriously. It felt great.), and it bugs me that I wake up the next morning both analysing everything that happened ~and~ feel like shit emotionally until I can get more of it. Hmm.....for that matter, I guess part of my issue is probably that things with my BFF are fun and all, but there's that lack of security in that I don't actually have anyone in my life that is planning on sticking (with, lol) me in a more permanent fashion. The reality is - I think I realised this ages ago in the back of my mind - that she's not always going to be available for fucking straight into the morning hours.

I obviously want a guy that's not going to knock me around or take advantage of me.....one that has a clean medical sheet too.....but going back to that self-conscious thing, I feel like I'm not going to be good enough for anyone (or at least to myself in my own mind) until I DO actually feel that I look sufficiently like a pornstar-bimo person. And THEN, I'd still feel inexperienced on the inter-personal front.

Life obviously has a habit of not going the way we want it, but in my mind, I'd very much like it if someone with the time & resources could groom me (NOT OVER THE FUCKING INTERNET - this is NOT an invitation to hypno-chat on Skype people) into both physically and mentally being that ideal person (bimbo) that I'm aspiring to be - it's just going sooooooo sloooooow right now on my own. I'm going to end up 40, wrinkly, and covered in cats at the rate I'm going.......and very much an airhead.

Also, all of the above ^^^^ is why I don't like trying to date other girls - we're so mental aren't we? XD

Comments

- Big_Mamba

hey iz still alive ?

- izatga88

....and I guess to elaborate on that a bit: It hit me while I had been "sexting" that guy that though I was insanely turned on and horny (and he loved it), I don't actually know how to be overly-sexy beyond going "Look at me, I'm all giggly & naked! Fuck me pleasie!" I was REALLY struggling a lot to keep the mood going.

Lastly, anyone notice that I must have had too much caffeine this morning?

- izatga88

Dammit....I'm hot again....next time I'm over my BFF's place (was just watching Silver Linings with her last night), I want to tie her down helplessly & make her scream all night~

- StrippedGears

Sometimes all it takes to be a pornstar is the willingness to spread your legs on camera. Given five seconds on Google I could find a half dozen women getting paid to have sex on camera that most people would think would be lucky to find a guy to go home with at last call. Odds are, the problem here is more about confidence than looks... and unfortunately, so many bimbo files focus on ACTING sexy rather than FEELING sexy. Maybe you could add a couple mantras targeted at helping you be more comfortable with your self image as a dumb bimbo to your hypnoloop? I mean, the safeguards you added to your loop when you started all of this seem to have worked, so maybe specifically targeting your self-perception of sexiness will help your confidence. And since a particular area of your confidence issues seems to have to do with not wanting to sound like an idiot when you try dirty talk, why not start by specifically making you feel more confident about showing people how dumb you are? I mean, you're already the first bimbo I've ever seen that managed to misspell "bimbo" (second full paragraph to the end of your post).

- mutatedbunnyboy

I don't think self esteem comes with more sex. You may end up with feeling of only being wanted for sex, then you'll probably do a 180° and go completely off it, you shouldn't. What you should do is find a decent quality dating site (or go out) and start talking to guys that don't sound like utter morons or at least can string a sentence or two together without it being sex related. As for appearance, do you really think we're all born Hollywood beautiful? No. A lot of us wish we were someone else because that's what people do, we always want what we can't have. Iz, you sound like you were one an interesting person and I'm sure that intelligence and wit is buried in there under the bimbo. If I could give you any advice, build up your confidence as best you can with a clear and (as much as possible) intelligent head, then as you get to known a certain guy more you can let it out more and you'll know he isn't just after you to get laid. Careful with your internal analysis as it is subject to current emotional state, trust me, I'm the same as you.

- hexagon77

You know a girl don't have to be blonde and all curvy to look good. There is something to pretty much any person that makes them look great. Also i am personally a lot bigger fan of the natural look, than the all artificial pornstar look. Not to mention that natural is for sure more healthy.... just think about that scandal about the poisonous beast implants that went around not all too long ago.....

- zapnosis

I always think that sexiness is more about personality than looks. If you can see that someone enjoys sex, rather than just assuming it, I think that is sexy. Also if someone is intimate with you, that is an obvious opener. I once knew a girl who had a habit of touching you when she talked to you, just a light touch on the arm or suchlike... it made even the most ordinary conversation quite sexy. Now I think about it, it was that memory that made me put that addiction to physical contact thing in the SLUT file. In other words, I reckon you're doing just fine. BTW, is this your 100th journal entry? Congratulations!

- PowerHoden

You know izatga88. I really think you lack confidence with yourself. All of your recent blogentries show this. And you will never be a really good bimbo without getting real confidence. Confidence goes further down than just brainwashing yourself into an bimbo. Confidence is something you need to work on. And the lack of Confidence is what holds you down right now. So what I would suggest you would be slowing down your bimbo-stuff for a bit and focus more on gaining confidence. Not with hypnosis files but actually with confronting yourself, with accepting yourself, with knowing your flaws and still being happy with yourself and so on. Because right now you always ignore your lack of confidence. Instead you just go from one emotional high (arousal + orgasm) to the next. Almost like an drug addict. So in short: Work independently from your bimbofication on your confidence, because to become an good bimbo you need to be confident as well.

- izatga88

I agree with the confidence point - at the beginning, it was a matter of me just being comfortable trying new things & following through with the sex stuff. Now that I'm a raging nympho and don't pay much attention to that stuff anymore, confidence should probably be the next thing on my checklist....

- izatga88

Okay, wow! I'm not sure what this is right now, if something snapped me out of my conditioning for a second (the feeling is already washing away), but I'm poking around the MyFreeImplants site, and it hits me - I'm going to look like ass with massive tits & an otherwise tiny body. Now I'm confused. @_@

I think i want to save any boobie-oriented cosmetic work for last now.....

- izatga88

Fun fact: I suck at Just Dance 4, and my sister just launched her elbow square into my nose.

....I wouldn't mind taking professional dancing lessons.

- StrippedGears

There's a lot of gyms that have pole dancing classes these days. It's something of a fitness fad.

- gorgomctavish

As for your size - what you must remember is that whatever work you do, it needs to be RELATIVE. you can have boobs that are large RELATIVELY to your body but will be small on a bigger woman. If you go with boobs that will be massive even on a bigger woman, there will be nothing sexy about you - there's nothing sexy about herniated disks and such.

If you ever met any porn stars in person, you would notice they are mostly very tiny women. Why ? because then they can have relatively modest boob jobs that look huge on them, and any average cock looks massive fucking them.

- Big_Mamba

Hmm I already thought that you would chicken out. I mean, when you look atyour postings of the last years, you are very very indecisive and afraid to fully go the bimbo way. That is okay but it was forseeable

- mutatedbunnyboy

I think everyone is trying to push you into what they want. Keep moving forward Iz and do what's right by you, if big jugs are going to make you look ridiculous don't do it :/ there are more natural ways to improve your features and you'll look 100 times sexier for doing it. Don't go the route of a comical blowup sex toy, if you're for more than just men using you for a quick fuck.

- izatga88

Like I said previously, the feeling has already worn off. I really want my my chest to be blocking my view of my feet & all that still~

- Big_Mamba

Yeah maybe you want it but still... you havent DECIDED. There is even a site that is offering you a FREE way of getting the boobs you crave for and you are still not collecting money on that site by showing of your body. You want to become a fuckdoll yet you only bring reasons not to sell yourself online to men. I do not see your future as being a total bimbo that has found her happy place between men and women as a fucktoy. Indeed, the only thing that you really have done is a little bit sexing with a girl and a boy. That is good by me but to say you are a slut or a bimbo is quite the opposite of your actual life style. in my experience real bimbos and sluts show off their bodies to the world and use it in cam shows or porns at least pictures to pleasure men and women. They enjoy getting fucked in front of a cam or in any club, they fuck anyone who asks to make them happy. This is really what you are not doing and i dont think you will ever do it. Dont get me wrong here. your perfetctly alright the way you are. But you are no slut, and especially no bimbo. You write a blog about your fears and thoughts about why you shouldnt be a total bimbo. So in my world you are heading in a totally other direction than you might believe

- izatga88

The responsibilities of life don't exactly allow for all that freedom when I've got my family counting on me to help pay our bills. ._.

- mutatedbunnyboy

Well... Good luck. Maybe you'll find that sugar daddy you can fuck your life away with and be his good girl for when he gets home.

- Big_Mamba

Hmm well shes been looking for him now 1.5 years. How about changing the approach ? You dont run onto a wall for 1.5 years complaining it wont open. Just look for the door and take it.

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