I'll try and get as much of this down while I'm feeling like it. I'm feeling really messed up as of late. My not-quite-BFF and I are in the middle of an argument or two. I'm typing right now because I feel.......empty probably. I've been on an insane emotional roller coaster for a while now, especially today - I missed work & have just spent so much time freaking out today that I'm just exhausted & tired now. I've been having that annoying ping/urge in the back of my mind to post something, but feel so tired of it anytime I sit down to do it......I usually just wind up staring at the website & not getting anything done when I do visit now.

Anyways, I'm not sure what to start with. It feels like it's been a lot longer than two weeks since I posted anything. I mentioned before that I've been sexting & getting paid - still doing that. It's not just that either - he's been hanging around us (the guy my friend works with too) - the four of us have spent a few nights just fucking each other into the morning. He's in agreement that trading money for sexual favors is a kink of his. I've probably made something in a range of $500-800 off of him over the last month. I can't even begin to describe how amazing it is to want something & know that money isn't an immediate issue for food or cosmetics or fun.

It's absolutely addicting. I can't say no. I owe him. He's constantly amazed at how the two of us are dumb-slut friends that don't mind fucking guys together. He loves the fact that I'm slutty enough & feel like I cant say no if he requests that I do something to him sexually.

Something isn't right. I feel sick - like I want to cry/puke at the same time. There's so much pressure to make up for the money I'm being paid.

I've been swinging wildly like a pendulum - nights where my self/personality shuts off completely. I mean I'm completely gone. It's like someone or something else is using my body and the only thing that remains is a want for sex. It's been getting more & more intense. I feel like a cheap whore any time I let my thoughts about being paid for stuff get to me. I love it when I'm doing it, then feel sick & dirty/embarrassed afterwards. It's like I can feel my mind unraveling the farther out I go - it's not just being airheaded in normal situations anymore.....I don't even know how to describe it than feeling like I'm going totally mental & crazy. My memory is really blurring together again. I'm rather confused half the time. I have not been sleeping so well as of late whenever I'm at home, and I spend more time drowning out my thoughts & feelings with my MP3 player than anything else.

....I just realised....this probably isn't very sexy or fun to read? I absolutely looooove taking it in my ass while sucking cock.......screaming in ecstasy when he finishes with my pussy. My BFF and I forced to make out with each other and suck the other's tits while we both get our brains fucked out from behind......cleaning each other with our mouths when the guys finish up in/on us..... Orgasm after orgasm with my BFF & I screaming at the top of our lungs....my hips and ass spazzing along with each wave that rolls over me. Nothing in life feels better. I love it~

Hmm.....bit of a better mood now - yay! Almost done here too. I actually was talking with the cosmetic surgeon I would like to use (few hours of driving away from my place). Great doctor, great results in everyone/case that I've seen. Still need to pay the entire fee up front though.....if I can keep the cash flow coming in for another-so-many months, I guess I'll afford it eventually.......though the student loan stuff will probably still affect that timeline.

My BFF is getting a bit of an "under-the-table" (hah, literally!) kind of reputation at her work place. It's hard to believe I got her going at something like the end of Janurary - it's really close to June now~ Both of us have been seeing a lot of action as of late.......tough she went and actually visited her folks (wasn't Mother's day like recent or something?). From what I'd heard from her, her parents were noticing something around the same changes in her that mine have been in me for a long time now. She said it didn't really bother her before, but she found out at the start of the week that HR where she works ~MIGHT~ (not confirmed) be keeping an eye on her since there are rumors going around about her being the office slut.......aside from her increasing air-headed work slip-ups.

We got in a fight most recently. I think she finally started to realise that the stuff we're doing is stepping a bit into the realm of addicting. There was a moment where it seemed like her self-awareness came back & what her co-worker situation & family was saying hit home. She confronted me about it & I didn't really give her any straight answers. As it stands, we're a little pissed at each other, but the second either of us gets horny, that all goes away & we wind up having a lovely time poking & sucking at each other~