Ok, so I am about to jump into a file I swore I would never do when I wrote it. I deliberately set out to make the most addictive and arousing masculinization file that I possibly could; and under the guise of writing it for others I built it to be extreme and no - return.

The file had every trick I could muster to make sure the subject becomes totally obsessed: the process itself is very pleasure oriented, right down to how it puts you in trance, it is built to constantly tempt you into using it again; it's designed to profoundly rewire sexual response and gender identity, and it comes with a one - way ratchet to lock in changes.

So, of course, my subconscious sees a good trap and decides that I should jump in it. Writing it made my dick buzz; recording the script put me in trance without even trying, and when I edited the audio it was so strong I kept finding myself at the end of the time line with the whole file gone by not remembering if I had made the right edit or not so I would have to go back and check.

The next two days I struggled valiantly not to; partially because the second one was a day when I knew I would have to top all day and couldn't be drained. The first day I was able to maintain the fiction that I was not going to listen; but by the end of the second day my alter Butch had convinced me to promise him I would let him try it.

In one way, I have already burned this programming in as it was being recorded and edited; I would not have had to cope with the temptation to do it if a good chunk of the suggestions had not already taken; but stroking to it and ejaculating will seal the deal - since it is based on my personal notion of addiction, I pretty much can guarantee that it will be irresistibly addictive for me personally.

But, in the words of the file: " you just can't help yourself" So, I " surrender to my deep and growing need to be butch" and just accept that my subconscious is making me do it -- whatever my conscious mind wants -- so I might as well lay back and enjoy the ride.