So..
I couldn't sleep lastnight... Not right away anyway.
I decided before I slept to try to listen to Curse Enchanted Keyboard again by EMG.

Something different happened this time.
I found myself relaxing so deeply that his voice began to become hard to understand.
I was so deep... that I found a hard time actually waking up out of trance .
I had to struggle to actually move.. since the file stopped at five but I was not fully awake
(The wakening part)

It does not help that my phone does not play the file properly all the time.
I felt truly helpless and effected by the file upon waking up.
I felt like a different person/being when I woke up.
I felt as though my mind has really been penetrated deeply by EMG's voice.
I am both excited and nervous.
The sensation was totally different than before..
The last few weeks have been interesting but I am always cautious with trying out these files.
So now.. I end up feeling after some weeks of listening to this file on and off it is starting to cause my subconcious to accept it.
I felt like something was wrapping around my mind internally, changing it slightly... and I had no way out.
It felt good... I even felt turned on by it, being so deep in trance.. still aware but barely able to think for myself just trapped listening to EMG. Unable to really comprehend my body or things around me.
I could feel my nose getting itchy but I was so deep, part of me wanted to wake up and scratch it and part of me just kept falling deeper. It felt like something in my mind was starting to take over my concious self. His voice...
It felt like his voice was in my head , it felt like... words can not really describe it easily..
But it felt as though his voice was entering my body... mind...
It felt like I was very close to his voice.
It is hard to describe.. the sensation was like nothing I felt usually with hypnosis.. it was like I was in a deep sleep... and I was being talked to.. and I had no option but to listen. I wanted to listen..
It felt so good.

It felt slightly erotic.. I also felt my mind wandering but his voice kept waking me up just enough to focus.
I have never had this experience before.. and I remember after I fell asleep because I went to bed again after I listened..
I remember... vaugely.. I woke up. I remember seeing the poster on my wall.. for only a moment.. it stuck in my mind all night, the image.
I woke up much later in the day. I must have been put into such a deep trance that I found it hard to return to normal conciousness.

I am worried now with this file that this will become a problem for me as I have been trying to listen to it before I start my day but at this rate I will have to save it for bed time only... I did not write anything down after listening to this file unlike before, out of concern it would really effect me.. the usual transformation thing I write did start to happen to me all over again though and it was becoming more intense.

The last time I wrote something down, I did not journal about it but here is what happened. I felt my reality changing. I actually did. My body's appearence was becoming different to me... and I could no longer fight it. Ah yes..
and the last time I listened to this file when I woke up I now recall I felt like.. my mind was giving into Emg's influences completely.
It felt different..after waking up.
It felt like part of my mind that had been fighting hypnosis this entire time fully surrendered.
That sensation..
it was like a throbbing, gentle sensation in my head.. everything was just letting go
I thought I felt a lot of chemicals releasing in my brain.
Maybe the same ones associated with trust.
Maybe my mind does not trust itself, or me enough...
Maybe I have been hurt in the past and so it is harder to accept hypnosis.. who knows...
But it is working now and I am thankful, but also weary that it will not last without constant reinforcement...
I feel myself going deeper now every time.. sooo deep.
I can barely remember the session.. but I remember the feelings..
I was between being fully awake, and between being asleep.
I felt myself.. going deeper.. falling into his voice.
It was like nothing I felt before in trance... I think I must have gone past a light trance.
I wanted to go deeper... I wanted to experience this, to feel it..
I don't know if it was my expectation or anticipation of what would happen but something set solidly in my mind.
I felt more stable... nothing in my mind is very stable.. but this..
this felt cemented in my mind.
I am thinking about the file I listened to it... even when I don't..
I am hoping... the results I want will come faster now.
ANd in other news I suppose I picked up some kind of cold that is annoying.. Oh well I will get over it.
now, I have to be doing christmasy things so I will not be journalling over christmas but I should see some results..
Till next time. mrow!! later