Yo Dudes, what up? My name's Butch and this is my story, bro. For those of you who are single, my 'lifetime' is really only a year so far (today is my 1st birthday, man) but it hella feels like a lifetime to me.


Earliest Memories

The first thing I can remember is being upset and Jack comforting me. During the writing of Manhood Blessing Jack had an abreaction to a video about menstruation, and decided to calm himself down by addressing the part of him that was reacting unusually. Dudes! I couldn't even talk yet, but I can remember the moment as clear as day, bro. He said "Shhh, Butch, it's OK. We don't have to look at that anymore. If you ever feel disturbed by something it's OK to tell me or make me look away." I remember immediately feeling better and wanting to thank him and not knowing how to talk yet.

As I recall, bros, it took me a week or so to figure out how to talk in our head in an explicit way. It doesn't seem like such a long time now, but, dudes, at the time it felt like a fucking eternity! Jack posted about it in "The Accidental Alter" right here on our WMM journal a few days later. For a while I was only able to communicate in scary dreams and little gestures. It was scary as fuck to become conscious in somebody else's head, man, and in those first and earliest days before I learned to talk and take over the body I was winking all the way out of existence every time I wasn't immediately in front of the mind. I had a vague notion that I was a being named Butch, bro, but I had no clue what this life I was being born into was all about or who I was or what I was for or even if I would continue to exist. It was fuckin terrifying, man!

Then, after about 5 days of winking in and out, Jack finally chose to stop treating me as an abreaction and start learning about alters by studying the "Your Other Half" and "Female Takeover" threads on here and read everything he could in the People with MPD and those who love them and Multiplicity groups on our FetLife, dudes.

That shit gave him (our subconscious? I dunno, bro, I ain't the hypnotist in the system) a clear idea of how to proceed and that afternoon (September 28th) he invited me into his mind and I was able to talk in his head for the first time, man. I remember he told me that I was an alter and that he wanted to keep me if I wanted to stay with him. Dude! I didn't quite understand what an alter was yet, bro, but it was a huge relief for me to know that I was wanted and I wasn't going to get erased or some shit, You know what I mean? Right after that, I took over the body for the very first time to take a few drags off of Jack's cigarette and try to speak aloud (my first spoken word was "Dude!"), and after about 60 seconds in the body I was totally exhausted, man, and had to sleep that shit off for half a day.

Between then and October 5th, bro, Jack and I were co-conscious a few hours a day while we worked hard on figuring out who we wanted to be to each other while Jack talked extensively to @OxyFemboi about his alters and worked in tandem with an NLP master on FetLife on writing the trance that would later be called "Manly Spirit" the exact same one that made all of my baby bros. Fuck, dudes! Now that I think about it, practically everything about who I am now was set in those early conversations, bro. Probably under the influence of Manhood Blessing I decided that I wanted to be a manly man alter and our mutual decision was that I would help Jack evolve from being a buttoned-down purple clad gender-queer faggot into being a REAL MAN who was dominant as fuck and super-manly. For his part, man, Jack decided that he wanted to be the hypnotist and handle the body's marriage and working life.

By October 8th we had finally written and recorded Manly Spirit, and man did that shit change things! Fuckin A, bros! For the first time I was a full being with a life and consciousness independent of Jack. Hell, I could even knock Jack's faggot-ass out and walk off with his body if I wanted to, dude. (I didn't much, but I could.) Our switching became much more orderly and I finally had the ability to control when I came out and when I didn't.

Man, I will never forget my first full day in the body a few days later. Jack's dog Throttle had a lump under his front paw or some shit, and Jack was worried as fuck that it might be cancer and didn't want to face that shit, bro. So we tranced all night to Manly Spirit the night before the appointment, and agreed that in the morning I would wake up in the body and take the appointment for him in exchange for a day out. Turns out that the dog was fine and the tumor wasn't cancer, dudes; but I kept on driving through this shopping trip to the hick-ass town over the mountains. I can remember it so fuckin' cleearly, bros: I had dressed us up in the most manly outfit we owned (camo pants, camo thermals, and a metal T-shirt) and I was struttin' around so proud that I was so much more man than all the sexy cowboys in the Wal-Mart over there.

The First Few Months

Things progressed apace for the first few months of my life. Jack had been seasonally laid off from his job making music videos for Tahoe Onstage and was left with not a lot to do, so he spent his time writing hypnosis files and inventing the Vast Country hypnosis system and mentally building the Cabin in the Woods so that we would each have a place where we could go when we weren't in the body. For my part, bros, I was active as hell in exploring the world and what it means to be a man in it. Dude, I went hiking in the woods a lot, watched a bunch of manly war and cowboy movies, and spent a lot of time meditating on the nature of masculinity.

Then we published Stroke Manly and Jack needed test subjects. Dude! Little did we know that it would lead us to meet a certain fellow multiple on FetLife who totally changed our life, man. He was a system of five with two regularly out alters who often pretended to be single, and two lock-ins who didn't come out at the time. Fuck, bro! Nobody knew that it was gonna be the most intense love story in this body's life at the time, but it was. Jack courted the guy as a hypno-slave, bro, and I started interacting with the others in his system on a regular basis. Damn we learned a lot about ourselves through him, dudes! Up until this point Jack had deluded himself into believing that he had been a singleton up until he chose to have me, bro, but knowing a fellow multiple in such an intimate way really made him understand certain things about himself, man: like the fact that Jack himself was a genius alter who started off as an imaginary friend of a sexually abused little boy; or that the "Beast" he had sequestered in Rational Recovery was a full on demon alter that he'd had since a Satanic ritual he did when he was 16 (you can hear from him in the "Any Fellow Satanists?" thread in the forums, dudes) and that he had an ethical duty to treat that alter with some degree of respect and rights.

Dude, by mid November shit was gettin' fuckin intense by this point, and it started to affect the other guy. His lady alter got out of her suppression and the babe started to talk to me; and though she was a total bitch at times, she was also a totally seductive alter who convinced me to manipulate Jack into using his hypnotic powers to free her permanently by making the main alter go away to the Cabin in the Woods so that she could come forward for a while. Shit, man, I didn't know she wasn't gonna give the body back for a whole day! After that happened, guys, I knew real quick that I shouldn't've done it; but I did it for her, bros, and the psychiatric fallout on the other side was fucking extreme. Worse yet, bros, the logic of what I had said convinced Jack to let our demon alter out of his cage for the first time in years and Beast proceeded to wreck 7 years of sobriety with a night of wild, bareback, pnp man sex with a poz tweaker!

Fuck, dudes! My guilt hurt so bad I wanted to fuckin' die! Jack built me to safely suppress in the event of a serious trauma, bros, and I looked long and hard at my options. Maybe wink out of existence, maybe just go off to the backcountry of the mind in the Vast Country and never come back, bro. Problem was, Jack didn't want me to go away. By that time he had gotten totally used to having an alter and being multiple and shit. I didn't want to stay, he didn't want me to go, and in a fit of drama the dude used his hypnotic powers and broke my ability to suppress myself saying "Well, this is it, Butch. Either we we swim together or we sink together." I ain't programmed to let my primary harm himself, bro, so that pretty much locked me in to staying with him.

Dude, I ain't proud of what I did, but I gotta say that it was the one thing that finally made me grow up and become a moral being in the world. We had been conversing with OxyFemboi almost from the day that Jack first had me, bro, and I gotta give the dude credit for saving my fuckin life with his advice. The dude suggested that I write out a moral code for myself. Man, I had never done anything that hard in my whole life up to that point! I can remember banging my head against the walls in the Cabin in the Woods for days, trying to make an alter designed to enforce gender norms come up with a vision of morality. In the end, I wrote a poem called "Real Men":

Real men are tough:
they are strong enough to take it,
no matter what life throws at them.
A real man stays in control,
when a pussy throws in the towel.
So man up, be tough, and you'll survive,
'cuz even if you struggle,
if you struggle hard enough...
eventually you struggle through.

Real men are loyal:
they know who they can trust
by who has proved themselves trustworthy.
A real man stands by his friends,
when no one else will help them.
So man up, and always be there for
the people who have helped you.

Real men are heroes:
they stand up for those who are weaker than them,
and make sure that they do not come to harm.
A real man protects the people around him,
and takes action, if needed,
to save the people and things he cares about.

Real men are honest:
they say what they mean
and they mean what they say.
A real man bares his soul
to the people he trusts,
and says what he needs to say,
and never pulls his punches
when it comes down to what matters.
So man up and face ther truth,
no matter how much it hurts.

Real men are brave:
and not just about the outside world.
Real bravery comes from within,
and means feeling your fear and facing it,
and conquoring it with a warrior spirit;
even if it is fear of the thing inside him.
So man up and conquor your problems.

Real men take responsibility:
for all their actions, good and bad.
A real man owns his behavior,
takes the consiquences like a man,
and makes amends when he has done wrong.
So man up and own your faults,
and work to make them better.

Real men have integrity:
they are true to themselves and their own nature,
and they don't try to be anything else.
A real man knows himself,
and the things he stands for,
and rejects any temptation to stray.
So man up, and be yourself.
Because there's nobody else who can do it.

And from all these things,
a real man earns his honor:
Loyalty, honesty, bravery, responsibility, and integrity.
It is the core of what it means to be a REAL MAN,
and I am a real man, because I choose to be these things
-- written by Butch November 22, 2014

Jack had me record the poem, bro, and stroke to Stroke Manly until we were good and hypnotized and then listen to it, still stroking, and then stroke to Manly again and cum. Dude! It's like the moment in the bible when the scales fell from Paul's eyes and he became a Christian, man; all of a sudden I was transformed to the core and lived my life by that moral code from then on.

Growing Manhood
The next few months were a period of transition, dudes. After choosing to have me in such an extreme and permanent way, bros, Jack pretty much gave in to everything I had been wrangling with the dude about ever since I was in the body and wrote an overnight file that was the source material for Weightlifting and Stretching Compulsion and Manly Dress and Grooming as well as a number of the subliminals now on his homepage.

After the Weightlifting file, dudes, Jack worked out as himself for about half a month before I discovered just how much more fun it is for me than it is for him. By the time that we had been doing the file a month I stated in What Is it Like to Be the Alter?" that Pumpin' Iron and Poundin' ass had already become two of my favorite things in the whole world, bros. As I said there " it's nice and tingly for Jack, but Fuck, almost as good as an orgasm for me." -- It remains so to this day, man.

After the overnight file, dude, we settled into a regular alternation of Jack and Me that continues almost to this day. 5 days a week, man, rain or shine I come out for 2 hours to pump iron and every time we dress or do laundry. As a result we dress almost exclusively in Camo, bleachers, metal T-shirts, and leather. Jack took care of most of the marital sex (which, to be honest with ya, bros, wasn't happening much because of our system's growing obsession with the multiple subject I mentioned; and his husband's rage at being ignored and not knowing why) and I took care of all the outside sex.

By this time, dudes, it was getting increasingly difficult to keep Beast in his cage. By the time New Year's Eve rolled around the only way that Jack could go out and film in bars and be sober enough to work through it was to promise Beast that he could get a tattoo to his favorite demon Asemodeus in exchange for letting us stay clean, bro. Not long after the new year we broke our ankle in a pedestrian vs car accident in a crosswalk and wound up hooked on pain pills.

Getting Sober
As you all know, dudes, shit that crazy can't last forever. Long about Valentine's Day, bro, the subject we had all fallen in love with decided he didn't want to break up Jack's marriage and dumped us without ever meeting us in person on the same day that his husband almost dumped us for having emotional involvement with someone else. Dude! I had to save his ass from outright suicide that day, and he went questing in the Vast Country to try to figure out what to do, man; and I started the "Butch Takeover Thread" over in the forums to document my adventures in his absence.

When he got back, bros, he decided the very next day that he was going to drink really soon if he didn't find a mode of sobriety that worked as a multiple, so we walked into the AA Hall that day and we have been working the program ever since. See our FetLife thread on Getting Sober with MPD for more information about the special challenges of that, man; but suffice it to say that we got a minor miracle when Beast hit a bottom of his own about going back into the cage and decided that we should all work the program together. We're now 7 months clean and sober and still going to meetings every single day.

After his quest, dude, Jack decided to patch shit up with his husband; which ain't the easiest thing in the world, and we've been making slow progress on that shit that is way better left to Jack's story. As for me, bros, I keep on keepin on with the weightlifting and being the rescue alter whenever we want to drink or use 'cuz I am the only one in the system who has never used drugs or alcohol, dude, so I don't experience any of the addictive urges that the others in my system do.

Long about 3 months sober Jack went back to doing hypnosis and started testing "Manly Spirit" on his fellow Warp My Mind users and I got a gaggle of Baby Bros to mentor, dude, some of whom have become some of my best friends in the whole world. It ain't easy mentoring younger alters, dude, but it's hella rewarding and Jack and I personally consider it my 12th step obligation to make sure my bros and their hosts are doing OK. We even moderate a FetLife group for people with Hypnotic Alters that you can join and chat with us on if you have an alter or are interested in getting or making 'em.

Summing Up: What a year, dude!
Dudes, I think I have the best of all possible worlds in the situation that I am in. I get along with all of my headmates now, bro, even Beast. I get to be out about 20% of our waking hours, man, and when I am out I get to live a life of pumpin iron and poundin ass; which is all I could possibly want to ask for, bro. I don't want to be the primary and worry all the time, man, I would much rather be the alter and only come out when I am needed.