The Hypno Journey

By HypnoPet

This is a recap from my journals of my experiences with hypnosis and NLP in the fetish lifestyle. Overall these ‘scenes’ span around 12 to 14 years, with a couple of different Mistresses and Master Terry.

Mistress Jeanne, who did most of my training, read my journal regularly, and when we parted, added her comments throughout various parts telling her side and what she knew happened. Her comments are in italics. She was the main dominant and hypnotist who trained or programmed me during this period.

Hi my name is Mike. I'm a 50 year old submissive who's been into hypnosis for around 18 to 20 years.

I first found out about erotic hypnosis or hypno-bdsm when I was in college and a girlfriend used hypnosis sometimes in our role play or scenes. Nothing dramatic just increasing or decreasing sensation or making me feel like a little boy in spanking scenes.

Over the years I used the internet and downloaded all kinds of files ranging from sissy hypnosis, to turn you gay, to becoming incontinent and a lot of increasing submissiveness. Some were neat to explore and play with, but not really big changes.

I didn't realize what I was really looking for until I met Mistress Jeanne and Terry Masters at an SM workshop in Toronto. I was one of the volunteers for their demonstrations on using hypnosis is SM role play and DS training.

After the sessions, the three of us had a few drinks and talked. Terry invited me to his home and we visited fairly regularly. I wasn't really interested in becoming a hypno-dom or master really as I've always been a bottom or sub in role play. Terry and I had some fun sessions, and he said my real 'kink' is submission to the point of being humiliated and put in scenes where I must obey no matter what I want. Being forced to give up control and submit to Master or Mistress helplessly.

It began to make sense to me as I reviewed my role play and scenes from the past. He suggested I should reconnect with Mistress Jeanne in Montreal since I was taking a new job in Laval PQ which was only 30 to 40 minutes away. Turns out Mistress Jeanne actually lived in Laval and had her dungeon or playroom in Montreal.

Once I got settled in my new condo, I looked her up and we reconnected, firstly for some playtime and then as friends. We made a point of having dinner once a week, and I started helping her with her website and some database programming. Eventually, she mentioned she'd talked with Terry and he'd told her about my 'real' kink, and she asked if I really wanted to pursue that.

As we discussed this, she explained she could use hypnosis to help me become even more submissive and obedient, then we could use hypnosis to make changes in my feelings or desires or behaviours that would be beyond my control. Changes that would both humiliate or embarrass me but also stimulate and arouse me as I lost control and submitted to Mistress.

I told her I didn't think that was possible and that I'd tried different files from the internet before with only a little success. She explained that using files from the internet were too generic to really effect change, since they are geared to a wide audience. The better files from some of the hypno-dom or dommes will have some effect but are meant to entice the user to buy custom files or book custom sessions with the domme. Custom files or in person sessions can work because the top learns more about what the bottom wants and can design the file or session to achieve these goals.

The more we talked about it the more intrigued I became and finally suggested 'let's go for it'. She suggested I move in with her in her big condo in Laval so we could work together more constantly on my programming and I could help her with her business stuff and maybe help keep her home and dungeon clean and organized. 

Mistress Jeanne was 40ish then, and I was 36. Since I'd rented a furnished condo, and worked in Laval it made sense. I gave notice to the landlord, packed my computer and audio gear, and moved in. She had a really nice bedroom setup for me, and shared her office area for our computers and my audio setup. (I'm a freelance audio engineer/producer and website designer/graphics designer.)

We discussed what 'changes' we'd look for, and she said I could pick two and she'd pick two but not tell me what she was going to do. Firstly though we'd work on increasing my submissiveness and obedience to Mistress.

I had to really think about my choices, but finally came up with two, which she approved of, and we were ready. She said we'd do one of my choices, then one of hers and so on. As each change became effective and cemented, we'd move on to the next.

One thing Mistress Jeanne pointed out was she found I had a tendecy to 'top from the bottom' sometimes. That's when a sub tries to get their way by pushing the top's buttons, like trying to get a spanking by deliberately being naughty, being disobedient to get a punishment. I had to admit it was true, but I was a greedy little subbie sometimes.

She said that would change for sure, and I'd learn what real submission is REAL soon.

The Journey Begins:

I've developed a pretty good 'trance state' from years of practice, and generally enter a fairly deep level of trance easily. I've always been suggestible I guess and when you add hypnosis I readily accept suggestions. We had several short sessions during the first week basically to put me under, install a set of triggers that would put me under easily and then take me deeper with each session, and that seemed to open my mind to be more accepting of possibilities and changes, basically reducing any resistance to obedience and submission.

And wow it seemed to work REALLY well. I found myself hallucinating feelings, sensations and sounds or pictures in trance, and some persisted after the session. She was able to put me in trance with a short phrase after the third or fourth session easily and immediately and I found myself going quickly down an elevator to the Deep Hypnosis floor where my mind focused solely on her voice and words and wanted to absorb and accept her suggestions willingly and easily.

Submission is Pleasure:

After the week or so of trance training we began intensive submission training. Mistress explained this would involve conventional hypnosis and NLP sessions, combined with operant conditions and behaviour conditioning to make total submission my motivating desire and need. The first few sessions were pretty intense using NLP and hypnosis to teach me that submission and total obedience were compulsory and part of my deepest desires, and that submitting gave me intense pleasure and comfort. Submission is pleasure and obedience is intense pleasure.

She began using arousal and sexual stimulation combined with hypnosis and NLP and allowing me to climax only when I agreed to obey and submit totally. 

Within a few days I was striving to be a good obedient submissive and every time Mistress said ‘Good Boy’ when I obeyed, I felt an intense rush of pleasure and well-being. By the end of two weeks I longed for her instructions and to fulfill her simplest wish. Every ‘Good Boy’ filled me with the most intensely pleasurable sensations and sense of euphoria.

Being a good obedient submissive was my reason for being.

Combined with additional trance training I knew I absolutely had to accept every suggestion I was given by Mistress, absolutely, completely and totally as a good obedient submissive. Total obedience and submission was absolute.

After the two weeks intense submission programming I would do almost anything Mistress asked without question.

Mid way through the third week Mistress asked me under hypnosis if I still truly wanted my two objectives and I said yes. I wanted to become diaper dependent and to be a compulsive cum eater. If this could be achieved with hypnosis, then I’d know how powerful hypnosis is and how it can change a behaviour.

After a couple more weeks of “conditioning” as Mistress called it she said we were ready to start my first behaviour modification.

Mistress Jeanne Tells It Like It Is:

Hello you little perverts. Mike is telling you what he remembers and how he remembers things from his years of training with me. Most of what he relates is accurate, or at least as accurate as I want him to believe. Mike lived with me for just over 4 years and was my pet for the entire time. I kept him in a highly suggestible state almost constantly, and used NLP, hypnosis and operant conditioning methods to alter his beliefs, his feelings and his attitudes especially.

He was initially constantly trying to control scenes and get what he wanted. Not a very submissive way to behave. A little hypnosis, combined with stimulation, arousal and orgasm rewards soon had him accepting that obedience is pleasure and submission leads to pleasure.

Mike had two fairly simple requests that he felt would ‘prove’ hypnosis could bring behaviour changes and prove he lost control, but I had far greater plans for his training, especially a major attitude adjustment towards gays and his silly attitude about what was ‘manly’.

I’d grant his simple wishes and add a few twists of my own to show him how easily hypnosis can change behaviour and teach new behaviours.

I made sure that he wouldn’t remember specific suggestions given during the session, until they were effective and became cemented behaviours.

And back to Mike’s Journey

Diaper Delights:

We had discussed the idea of putting me in diapers and making me wet in diapers like a baby. If that happened it would prove that hypnosis could make someone do something they wouldn’t normally do and change your behaviour.

Mistress triggered me to enter trance, then took me down REAL deep. Every image and sound and feeling she told me was amplified 100 times. She wanted me to wear diapers and only diapers from now on and she made sure I would.

“Feel how flimsy, and scratchy and uncomfortable your underwear feels. It’s almost like wearing sandpaper against your tender bottom and little weewee. Underwear are so uncomfortable and make you feel so insecure and unhappy. Remember how soft your diapers felt when you were a baby and mommy put you in soft, comfy diapers, all snug and secure and feeling so safe and comfortable.”

Then she took my underwear off and put a diaper under my bum, and loosely pulled it up between my legs.

“Feel that Mikey. That’s a diaper. Feel how soft it feels on your bum and against your weewee. Nothing feels nicer than a diaper. And now when I pull it snug between your legs and pin it on it feels 100 times better. A soft snug diaper makes you feel safe, secure and so happy. Nothing feels as good or nice as a thick, soft diaper.

You want to wear diapers from now on. Only diapers and never wear underwear again.”

I had to admit the diaper felt wonderful. And it made me feel good, and safe and secure. I really did want to wear a diaper.

After a couple of days, my underwear became increasingly uncomfortable, and I wanted to wear a diaper. I asked Mistress to put me in a diaper again, which she did then hypnotized me teaching me the benefits and pleasures of wearing diapers and wearing only diapers from then on.

From that day I wore only diapers everywhere we went. From the time I got up until the next morning I wore only diapers. No underwear or panties or anything but diapers.

And then she decided if I was wearing diapers I had to use them for their intended purpose.

“You love your diapers now and want to wear diapers all the time. Only diapers make you feel safe and happy and secure. You know who wears diapers don’t you. Babies wear diapers, and babies wear diapers because they don’t know how to control their peepee. Babies peepee in their diapers all the time and only peepee in their diapers. Babies don’t know how to peepee anywhere except in their diapers.

Not that you wear diapers all the time you forget how to peepee anywhere except in your diapers. Even now you’re forgetting how to peepee anywhere except in your diapers. It feels so good to not worry about anything and just let go and peepee in your diapers just like a little baby. All the time, anywhere, and anytime. Pee pee in diapers, that’s what you want to do and that’s what you will do from now on.”

Somewhere during a session, she encouraged me to pee pee in my diaper, and when I did it felt like the best, longest, hardest orgasm I’d ever experienced. I thought my body would explode from the pleasure of wetting myself in my diapers.

That’s it Mikey, pee pee in your diapers. It feels so good doesn’t it to just pee pee in your diaper and it will always feel this wonderful to pee pee in diapers. You don’t want to ever pee pee anywhere but in your diapers from now on. Every time you pee pee in your diapers it will feel better and better and you will forget anything about potty training or going peepee anywhere except in your diapers.”

I don’t know for sure how long it took, but in less than a month I was wetting without even thinking about. It just happened and I had no idea how to do anything but wet myself. I had no idea when I was going to pee pee, it just happened.

Mistress Note:

We had two or three session every day with Mikey teaching him that only diapers felt right and were right for him to wear. In less than a week he wanted to wear only diapers all the time. Then three days later I began his incontinence training, removing his bladder control so he wet uncontrollably like a baby. After the first time I triggered him to wet and rewarded him with an extremely pleasurable orgasm, he was hooked on the sensations of wetting, and giving up control. He began wetting in his sleep a few times during the night in about a week, and by the end of three weeks was wetting several times a day, with no warning or awareness. By then he was incontinent and wetting like a baby.

And I was ready for MY little twist.

I was wetting like a little baby several times a day and really soaking my diapers in my sleep every night. In fact the nighttime wetting got so bad I had to get thick cloth diapers and baby panties for nighttime. Daytime, thick disposables seemed OK as long as I paid attention and changed every three hours or so.

Mistress Jeanne and I discussed the changes and there was no doubting that hypnosis had made me lose bladder control completely and need diapers just like a little baby. I had to admit it worked. 

Mistress said she wanted to continue working on loss of bladder control a bit more, so we continued to have additional sessions.

“Mike you know you have no bladder control at all and wet like a little baby all the time. No matter where you are, what you are doing or how you are dressed you wet uncontrollably all the time. You can not stop your peepee from coming out anytime, anywhere at all.

Mike, on the 20th of each month I want you to forget to put on diapers after your morning shower and for the rest of the day until dinner time you will not wear diapers. You will wear special training pants. They’re not underwear, but special pants toddlers wear when they’re learning potty training. They are not diapers and not underwear so you feel safe to wear them and they feel comfortable, like diapers.

Of course you still have no bladder control and will continue to wet like a little baby and you will probably wet your pants or clothes. Wetting in diapers feels nice and warm and wonderful, but wetting your pants or clothes feels shameful and cold and makes you feel humiliated and embarrassed like when you were a little boy and wet your pants in school. Remember how you felt when you wet your pants in school and all your little friends called you a baby and said you should wear baby diapers. That’s how wetting your pants or clothes makes you feel now, only much stronger and more intense because you’re a grown man wetting your pants like a toddler.”

Come the 20th of the month, I got up, showered and changed into my ‘training pants’, simple flannel training pants. No absorbency, kinda cute little animal prints, but definitely not absorbent like my diapers. And mid morning as I was going for my second coffee I promptly wet my pants and stood there stunned as pee ran down my legs soaking my trousers helplessly. I felt like I was going to cry and Mistress didn’t help me at all yelling at me for peeing on the floor like a toddler, and telling me I should be in diaper since I wet like a little diaper baby.

Three more times that day I wet my pants and each time felt more humiliated and ashamed, so by dinner time I was so thankful to be back in my baby diapers.

And the pattern continued for the next 4 years. Wetting all night and day in diapers like a baby and wetting my pants all day long the 20th of every month. And not just at home. I must have wet myself at Walmart, and the grocery store a dozen or more times, and a couple times at the movies with friends (non-kind friends at that), and a couple times at a strip club with friends.

Mistress Has Her Turn:

Mike is a great guy. A good helper, honest, and hard working and generally a real pleasure to be around. One thing that really irked me was his misogynistic attitude (He called it chivalry) and his cocksure talk with his guy friends. Telling them he could keep it up for hours and make any girl beg for more. Super stud kind of bullshit.

THAT was going to change dramatically if I had anything to do with it. And I did. I knew he was wide open to suggestion and post hypnotic programming now and planned to really take him down a couple of pegs.

Knocked Down a Peg by Mistress Jeanne:

It was now Mistress Jeanne’s turn and she would not tell me what she had planned, and I could not seem to remember what she suggested following the session. The only thing I seemed to realize is I was much hornier and seemed to ‘get off’ quickly but I loved it. Nothing felt better than cumming, well except peeing my diaper, but cumming was a real close second.

I wanted to cum almost all the time.

Mistress fills in:

Mike was always so proud of his ‘manliness’ and supposed ability to control his orgasm or ejaculations, and his bragging to his friends really peeved me. In fact, any man that thinks his control is something to be proud of needs to be retrained to become a quick draw premature ejaculator and learn to use his mouth and tongue to please a woman, not his useless little premature ejaculating dick.

And that’s exactly what Mike was going to learn.

“Mike remember when you were younger, in your teens maybe and looked at adult books like Playboy or Penthouse at the naked girls, and you’d play with you little wee wee, rubbing it until you felt that ultimate pleasure of orgasm, ejaculating in your pants or a sock or whatever was handy. It feels SO good to cum and you wanted to cum more and more and more and more quickly. Rubbing your little wee wee thinking about nude girls or sexy lingerie and cumming quickly enjoying the ultimate pleasure of your orgasm.

And that memory is flooding your brain now, arousing and exciting you more and more. The idea of cumming quickly is more and more arousing and exciting. Cumming at the slightest stimulation, just a gentle touch of your wee wee makes you spurt and cum hard and beautifully.

So hard, so fulfilling, so enjoyable. Cumming and cumming and cumming over and over in just seconds. Just thinking of sexy thoughts makes your little wee pop up and pop off instantly. You can’t control it any more than you can control your pee now and it just feels so right and so good to cum instantly at the slightest stimulation or just thinking about sexy thoughts."

I kept up this line of suggestion and amplified it with just seeing a pretty girl and imagining her naked breast under her blouse or dress, seeing a pretty girl with lipstick on, all kinds of common situations he’d find himself in and would arouse him to the point of instant ejaculation in his pants or whatever he was wearing, since he wore diapers all the time.

In about two weeks of regular twice or three times a day sessions he was starting to cum in seconds just looking at porn or watching a couple make out on TV. When he went to the strip club with his buddies, he came home almost in tears, he’d creamed his diapers 5 or 6 times and was soaked and sticky as hell.

I LOVED it, but I wasn’t done with him yet.

As he was programmed to be a real premature ejaculator and would continue to get worse over time, I had one more humiliation for him.

His final programming went something like this.

“Mike you know you’re a premature ejaculator now. You can’t control your little premie dick any better than you control you pee pee. And you will remain a premature ejaculator forever. It’s so humiliating and embarrassing to cum in your diapers like a baby wetting their diaper, but you have no control. And now, whenever a woman touches the front of your diaper you will cum instantly right under her hand, and as soon as you finish ejaculating you will wet yourself heavily and fully. Cumming in your diaper and wetting yourself helplessly with no control whenever a woman touches the front of your pants or diapers.”

After a couple days of this programming, I came up behind Mike, reached in front and put my hand on the front of his pants. Instantly he came, I could feel him harden then spurt, and seconds after he ejaculated, I felt the front of his diaper filling with warm pee. 

I questioned him about what happened, and he sobbingly admitted he’d cum in his diaper and then wet himself helplessly like a baby. He was a premature ejaculator and couldn’t control his peepee.

I continued to program and reprogram him for several more weeks and at least once a week after that to ensure he’d always be a shameful premature ejaculator, until we separated ways and I helped him regain some ejaculation control.

Now that he was creaming his diapers constantly, then his next choice would be so much fun!

Once he was programmed to be a premie I let him remember what I’d suggested to him so he felt the humiliation of losing control of his precious ‘manhood’.

He is still pretty quick but not instantly cumming in his diapers.

I’m not sure how long it took but Mistress Jeanne had made me an extreme premature ejaculator. I’d climax just thinking about something sexy or arousing. Seconds from arousal to ejaculation, constantly cumming in my diapers 12 or 15 times a day. I couldn’t help it and the 20th of each month I’d almost soak my training panties with cum before I’d even peed in them.

One evening I went out to a strip club with my buddies, and one of the strippers came over and started trying to get a lap dance. I’d already creamed my diapers three or four times. She had me stand up and put her hand on the front of my pants saying “What’s the matter little man, you don’t like girls?” and immediately I came in her hand then peed myself heavily. She looked stunned then said loudly “You little pervert. You just came in your pants and then peed yourself. Are you wearing diapers or something, I can feel the pee through your slacks.”

I bolted out of there and never went to another strip club the whole time I was in Montreal. The humiliation was so intense I thought I was going to cry or die.

But I loved it!

Yummy Cummies:

Now that I was cumming in my diapers constantly, I was having second thoughts about my second choice, eating my own cum.

Considering that just thinking about sex made me cum, I couldn’t see how I was going to be able to play with myself and get cum to eat.

I needn’t have worried; Mistress Jean had the perfect solution or solutions.

Again Mistress didn’t let me really remember her suggestions or instructions initially. All I remembered was we’d start the session with me lying on the padded medical bed with a cloth diaper loosely pinned on lying on a bedpad or receiving blanket as she called it.

Mistress Note:

I didn’t want Mike knowing how he was going to get his cum during his initial training and because of his PE now it would be difficult for him to get his little dick out and play with it without cumming in his diaper. That wasn’t going to be too big an issue for me, as you’ll see.

With him lying on the bed, and a clean diaper against his diaper area, I got him to cum a couple times making suggestions to arouse him, then dipped my gloved finger in his little pool of cum, and …

“Mike I’m getting my fingers coated with your cum now and I’m going to touch it to your lips. Touch your cum with your tongue. See how sweet and tasty it tastes. Reminding you of your favourite dessert or candy. Salty, sticky yet so desirable. That’s it keep licking.

Now let me get some more cum, coating my fingers with it. There you go suck my fingers suck all that delicious cum from my fingers, and hold it in your mouth. Taste it Mike, taste how wonderful it is, how thick and salty and slimy your cum is in your mouth and how much you want to have your cum in your mouth. Ah yes sweet delicious cum is your favourite treat now. Warm gooey salty tasty cum.

Now swallow it slowly, let it slide down your throat and feel how good it makes you feel to taste and swallow your cum.

Good boy, you’re a little cum slut now. You crave the taste of your cum more and more. That’s right you want more cum don’t you. Here you go, there’s more on my fingers. Lick it all gone and swallow it my little cum slut.”

We repeated these types of scenes a couple of time a day for about a week until Mike was really craving the scene and eagerly licking his cum from my fingers. Then we needed to amp things up and get him to swallow a real load.

I reduced the number of daily sessions so he’d store up a bit more cum than what he produced now and kept him away from porn and sex scenes on TV.

“Mike I want you to sit up and undo the front of your diaper. You’ve just been changed so your diaper is still dry and clean.

Now take your wee wee and stroke it for me. Use your left hand and put it in front of your wee wee and catch all your cum in your left hand. Good boy, that’s it. Stroke your little wee wee and catch all your cummies in your left hand.

Now put your hand to your mouth and lick all that cum from your palm and your fingers. Lick it all gone getting every last drop. Good boy, that’s my good little cum slut.

See now you can make big cummies in your hand, and  lick it all up. From now on you need to do this 3 times a day, when you change your diaper. Sit on a chair or the toilet and play with your little wee wee and catch your cummies in your hand then lick it all up.

Three times a day, every day, you need to eat your own big load of cum. You’re addicted to cum and need to eat your cum from your hand three times a day. You love cum and need to have cum three times a day.”

Mike was a fast learner and soon was playing with himself and eating his full load from his hand 3 times a day. He was so cute, going to hide in his room or the bathroom so I wouldn’t’ know what her was doing.

Until I made him do it in front of me a few times. His humiliation at playing with himself in front of me, cumming in under a minute then eating his load was hilarious.

A few times I had him lick the cum out of the front of his diaper just for my amusement. Seeing him hungrily lick his diaper clean, then look up at me with cum on his lips and cheeks from the diaper made me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants.

I had to admit Mistress found a way, several ways to have me eat my own cum, despite my being a premature ejaculator. I did not like licking out my diaper but if she told me to do it I had to do it. I must obey Mistress all the time, without question.

A few months later she increased my need for cum to 5 a day on the weekend and had me work in the dungeon or go downtown to the gay bars to find the additional two loads I needed. I was only allowed to play with myself and get 3 loads from myself. The other two loads had to come from other men.

Now I was truly a cum slut and a little cocksucker too. And I loved it. I was totally under Mistress’ control and had become a little cumslut and cocksucker under her training.

A Little Recap:

Well what did I learn. I learned hypnosis can indeed change behaviour and desires and even aspects of body control. In under a year I’d become totally diaper dependent, wetting like an infant all the time. I’d become a premature ejaculator cumming at the slightest touch or sexual thought, and I’d become addicted to cum, both my own and other men’s. Needing at least 3 loads of cum daily and 5 on weekends.

I really loved the loss of control, the instilled compulsions and the humiliation of wetting helplessly all the time cumming in my diapers helplessly just talking to a pretty girl and craving cum like a little slut. I had become much more subservient and submissive around women generally and ‘real’ men or virile men. I was not a virile man by any means. A little diaper wetting, premature ejaculator, cum sucking worm like I was couldn’t be called a man.

No not at all, and then we go to Mistress’ second program.

Mistress Notes:

Despite Mike’s many years in the fetish or kink community, and interest in hypnosis and ‘mind control’ he had really bad attitude about Adult Babies and Queer folk. Not really homophobic or outwardly nasty, but just something that rubbed me the wrong way.

We’d discussed it several times and he seemed to think ‘those Adult Babies are just stupid dressing up in baby clothes, using bottles and soothers and pretending to be babies. Not my thing for sure. I like wetting my diapers but I don’t want to be put in a crib or fed from a bottle.”

And with Queer folk, especially the type of exaggerated ‘faggy’ boys you’d see on some porn sites or shows, he would sneer about them very condescendingly.

Well I won’t tolerate that, and a little attitude change was definitely in store.

Again Mistress would not tell me what she’d planned for her final programming and I could not remember her suggestions after a session. I do know it took a few months but some dramatic changes happened.

When she felt her reprogramming was cemented I learned that whenever she said “Sissy Baby Time” I became Cissy, a sweet, prissy two year old baby girl, who loved to be all frilly and pretty and acted silly and cute and coy, spoke only typical toddler words and phrases and spoke with a pronounced lisp. The first time she triggered me in a dungeon session with a couple of other Dommes present and I realized what was happening I almost died of humiliation. I couldn’t help myself. I needed those cute pink ruffled rhumba panties and the cute ruffled dress with puffy sleeves and the big cock shaped soother. I toddled around showing off how cute I was and babbled incessantly like an excited two year old at a party, lisping hopelessly. And it continued until she said “Mikey is back”.

And I learned in another session that Cissy is a little slutty around virile men, wanting to get their cocks out and get her fill of sweet cum. Oh yes indeed, as much cum as Cissy can get. 

Cissy gave shows for many of Mistress’ friends and different clients and whenever Mistress wanted to be amused. She was amused, I was totally humiliated, unable to stop lisping and babbling, wanting to show off my frillies and pretties, playing with dollies and letting the big girls check my diapers and dress or change my outfits and put on my makeup like a Mommy would do for a toddler at playtime. 

The second persona Mistress created was a totally humiliating, mind bending, mind fuck. 

Swishy Sissy Faggot was a limp wristed, lisping, mincing, effeminate, slutty faggot. The extremest faggoty sissy I could imagine. Totally submissive and subservient to any man. Constantly trying to get real men to fuck my sissy pussy, or to let me give them the best blow job they’ve ever had. Dressing very effeminately and mincing like a showgirl with a limp wrist waving ‘here I am, take me please’. The only masculine part of me was my name.

At Pride week in Montreal or Toronto, she’d have Swishy Sissy Faggot in control all week, and at any fetish gatherings if she didn’t want to show off Cissy baby, the SSF would be let loose.

Apparently I wasn’t a totally bad looking swish and gained a bit of a reputation around the gay bars as an easy blowjob or fuck. It turned me on and got me off but made me feel totally powerless and helpless and totally controlled by Mistress to be a swishy faggot or sissy baby whenever she wanted.

Mistress Notes:

It took almost a year to complete Mike’s training for sissy baby and swishy faggot but it was so much fun. It took about 4 months to get Cissy to come out, using simple NLP logic that only babies wear diapers and wet their diapers, then babies don’t know about boy or girl gender, they’re just babies.

Then once I put Cissy in frilly clothes, used a little sexual stimulation and NLP she came to love her frillies more and more. Language and the lisp came naturally to a little two year old girl and Cissy was an adorable cute little sissy baby. Her sluttiness was just a carryover from her cum love and craving. After all babies do love to suck.

SSF took a bit more training and programming. I had him watch lots of sissy and gay porn and learn from them how sissies behaved and acted and how faggy bois behaved especially the effeminate actions and behaviours.

She was constantly rewarded with “Good Sissy” praise whenever her behaviour was particularly slutty or effeminate. By the end of 10 or 11 months SSF was in complete control whenever I triggered her with SFF Time Sissy. The longer she remained in SFF mode the more effeminate and swishy she’d become and more slutty her behaviour became.

This was truly Mike’s most humiliating loss of control and a delightful way to prove he was controlled totally by me.

Wrap UP:

Mistress Jeanne and I were together for around 4 years and our playtime was almost always geared to her amusement and my humiliation. She’d have me walk down to get the mail in just a diaper under frilly rhumba panties wearing a Tshirt so everyone could see my diapers and panties. Cissy would amuse her friends anytime she wanted and SSF would go into the gay bars and the village at Pride time and be her sluttiest until released.

When I had to return to Ontario for another project, she released the premature ejaculation training and removed the wet my pants on the 20th, but left me dependent on diapers and with only she being able to trigger Cissy or SSF.

Back in Ontario:

Back in Ontario I hooked up with Terry Masters again, and we worked together on some hypnosis files. I helped with sound production for his scripts and mixes. I met Mikey of BBW again and met Terry’s baby girl ‘Baby’. A grown twenty something girl who behaved like a two year old all the time and lived totally as a toddler. Terry was her Daddy, and Terry’s wife Linda was her step Mommy.

Mikey and I had fun together, sometime playing baby together and writing about our encounters with other fetish folk and writing hypnosis stories. 

When Terry learned of the Cissy and SSF triggers Mistress Jeanne had implanted he got her permission to use them and had her release me to Terry for both personas.

Terry decided Cissy would be a wonderful playmate for Baby and so Cissy spent a lot of time playing with Baby and being taken care of by Linda and sometimes Terry. Living as a two year old is just not that exciting or really a lot of fun but I did like playing dollies with Baby and watching cartoons with her cuddling with Linda.

Terry found it fun to take SSF into the Gay village in Toronto and to the Pride week events in Toronto, much to my humiliation and I found myself enjoying being used by strange men, and being tricked out to other Doms or Dommes. Humiliating yes, but enjoyable too.

Unfortunately tragedy struck our little group, in 2010/2011. Baby had a brain aneurism and died suddenly. Terry and Linda were devastated, and baby playtime ceased. Mikey’s MS got worse until he had to be hospitalized then he passed, and we were all depressed and totally demoralized.

I had to move away to Eastern Ontario for my next project, and we lost touch except for occasional phone calls. I learned Terry had throat cancer and despite treatments had to have his voice box removed and use an electronic voice box to talk. He could no longer record his beloved hypnosis scripts.

A year or so later I learned Mistress Jeanne had pancreatic cancer and she passed away in just a few months after diagnosis. I only got to visit her a couple of time in Laval and felt so helpless I could do nothing to make her better or feel better.

And then I was truly on my own again. No Mistress or Master or person to control me and train or program me.

I dropped out of the fetish community for a while, not really sure what I wanted or needed to do. Yes I still was in diapers full time and enjoying wetting all the time, although it wasn’t the same now. I was letting myself wet, not wetting uncontrollably like a baby anymore. Cissy had no parent figure, so couldn’t really come out to play, and SSF needs a Master or Mistress to bring him out and dominate him.

After a while I began looking for a good hypnotist who could help me get back to wetting like a baby again, and maybe let me be a baby for a while when safe. I found one online and she made me a couple of files that really helped, and luckily, I met a young domina who was intrigued by Cissy. She had some limited experience with hypnosis and took on training Cissy a bit beyond what the original hypnotist had done.

Cissy could be a sweet baby girl anywhere from 6 months of age to around two, and Mommy J. took care of Cissy as any mother would take care of her baby girl. We got to spend quite a few weekends together as Mommy and baby.

After we parted ways because she had two little kids, and we couldn’t expose them to Cissy, I drifted again, using sites like WMM and some others to find files and try to get the ‘losing control’ aspect of my kink again.

I really wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but I knew I needed the ‘losing control’ feelings again, and tried different things from many different hypnotist sites

I tried some of the premature ejaculation files from a couple of sites and they worked somewhat but not like when I was Mistress Jeanne. Cum eating files had some pretty good effect but again not the same as being controlled by Mistress or Master.

Again, much of the problem for me is the ‘generic’ set of suggestions or programming versus something direct that hits my hot buttons. Knowing a Mistress or Master is controlling me and making behave the way they wish, not what I necessarily want. 

Being controlled and trained to be totally submissive to a Dominant, then trained to humiliate myself in whatever way they choose, to change my behaviour from the virile, strong man I have as a self-image, into a submissive, controlled pet for Mistress or Master.

I know it’s possible. I’ve lived it before for years at a time.

Recently I came across SweetDreamsHypnsosis, Mommy Emma, on Youtube and WMM. I downloaded a couple of her files, particularly Bedwetting and Wet Diapers Forever and found them amazingly effective. I began wetting myself while sleeping again, regularly and then wetting my diapers during the day with almost no warning or awareness.

I wrote her and asked if she would do a custom file for me and she agreed. In just over a week I was wetting and messing my diapers constantly. My baby brain began to take total control of my behaviour, and I was wetting and messing my diapers like a little baby again with no warning or awareness. And I wet my pants one day when I couldn’t wear diapers or waterproof baby pants.

Her use of NLP and wording is fantastic and she got right into my baby brain and retrained me to wet and mess like a little baby, and to humiliate myself by wetting my pants one day a month.

Her focus seemed to be on creating a baby brain and then Mommy controls the baby brain turning you into a baby again. She has several excellent files for Adult Babies and Diaper Lovers (that’s me), but I don’t think I want to be a baby again, unless I have a Mommy or Daddy to watch over baby me..

We corresponded a bit more and she says she’s very open minded and willing to do other types of programming and training besides baby training, and is open to what I ask as long as it’s not harmful to me or others. Safe, sane and consensual play is her motto, and I really respect it.

I’d like to relive some of the humiliations I experienced with Mistress Jeanne and Master Terry again, being controlled by a trigger from Mistress or with triggers Mistress instills in my baby brain, and some constant behaviours the prove I am not a big strong man, but a controlled submissive.

I’m hoping she can do this for me, and I will be her hypnotized submissive pet.