Tim's Medicine

Tim's Medicine

I swear, the next person who calls me a "twink" is going to get pounded
- even if Eddie has to do it. Let me give you the background, I'm in my
final year of college, majoring in Industrial Design. I've never had
much money and a couple of years ago, I ran across this ad in one of
the underground campus newspapers that had to do with "Models Wanted."
Well, I checked it out and what they really wanted were guys and girls
that would pose in few clothes - like underwear ads and that sort of
thing - except that they really weren't ads. Well anyway, it was a way
to pick up a couple of hundred dollars a month so I went along with it.
And every couple of months since then I've been letting them take more
shots of me. Now don't get me wrong or anything, there's no sex
involved, but lately the photos have involved full nudity. I was never
very prudish about my body, and we gradually worked up to it, so it
never bothered me. I've got a slim build, little body hair, and a nice
face and I guess that's what they were looking for. Anyway, apparently
a couple of nude photos of me turned up on a couple of gay sites on the
Internet and some of the guys on campus that know me came across them.
(What were they doing, checking out the gay sites?) So I've been taking
a little kidding about it. I even offered to give them the phone number
of the guy who shoots the photos if they wanted to make a little money
(assuming that they had the body for it of course - which I kinda
doubt). But I'm getting a little tired of the references to "twink." It
doesn't bug Eddie, my roommate, though - he's cool about it. At least
we're getting close to the end of the school year and then it'll be off
to the real world.

In appearance, Eddie and I are pretty different. I mentioned that I've
got a slim build, actually I'm 5' 8" tall and weigh about 145. Eddie is
about 4" taller than I am, but he weighs close to 200 pounds. And the
differences don't stop there. I've got short blond hair and blue eyes.
He has black hair...a little longer, brown eyes, and a darker complexion,
very Mediterranean looking. He is very muscular and has
quite a bit of body hair and I have very little. Even though we look a
lot different, we get along pretty well. We've been roommates for the
last three years. We've double-dated a couple of times but I couldn't
honestly say that I've got a really active sex life. I've "scored"
maybe three times in my five years at college. Actually, there were a
couple of times when Eddie and I had had a couple of beers and were so
horny that we resorted to jerking each other off in the dorm showers
when no one else was around. But it's never gone any farther than that.

Well, I'm ready for the "real world" but I'm not sure that it's ready
for me. I've sent out literally hundreds of applications but there have
been only a couple of nibbles, and those never turned into anything.
Eddie's making out better, he's gotten a couple of good job offers and
has pretty much settled on one from a large firm in Chicago. I'm still
waiting.

And waiting, and waiting, and waiting - 4 more weeks of looking and
still nothing. Eddie's getting ready to head off to Chicago in a couple
of days. He suggested that since I don't have a job yet, and since I've
got to move out of the dorm in a week, that I might as well come with
him. "Chicago is kinda centrally located" was the way he put it. I
thought about it and it made sense to me. So I guess that I'll check
out Chicago and see what it has to offer.

The guy who takes photos called up yesterday and asked me to do one
more photo session. This one was a little more explicit than the
others. He wanted me to play with my dick until it got erect and then
take a couple of profile shots of me. I was a little embarrassed at
first because Eddie had come along with me for the first time - he
wanted to see what it was all about. But the guy offered me twice the
rate so I went along with it. I think Eddie was getting kinda excited by
watching me, it looked as though there was this big bulge in the front
of his jeans. So we got all the shots and as I was getting ready to get
dressed, the guy asked me if I wanted to make even a little more money.
I asked him what he meant and he told me that he'd gotten a request for
some "special" photos. I asked him what "special" meant and he took a
large package off a table and tossed it to me. It was light when I
caught it and when I opened it I saw why, it was adult-sized diapers.
Guess somebody likes to look at young men wearing diapers - somebody's
really weird. I was going to turn him down but the price he offered
changed my mind - I figured this was the last time so what the heck. I
soon found out that there's more to getting a diaper on than you'd
think cause I screwed the first two up. Well, I got the second one on
but it was all lumpy and everything, so Eddie offered to help me. We got
it on OK on the third try. With all that was going on, I had this big
erection by then, and when Eddie was helping me with the adhesive tabs,
the tips of his fingers just brushed the tip of my dick and I thought I
was going to cum. Anyway, we finally got the thing on, it felt funny -
kinda tight and warm - but not uncomfortable - and the guy took a
number of pictures of me in various poses. I made him agree not to
include my head. It's one thing to have your photo taken fully nude,
It's something else to have anyone but your best friend see you in
diapers! After I had gotten dressed and was leaving, the guy tossed me
the package of diapers "..... for a souvenir of your last photo
session." I don't know why but I took them.

Well, the next few days were really busy with Eddie and me tying to sort
thru 5 years of dorm accumulation and pack what we really wanted to
take to Chicago. I think Eddie was relieved that I was going to Chicago
with him. He'd made a couple of comments about "..... not splitting up
the team." and stuff like that. I'm not sure, but it seems like Eddie's
been acting a little differently since he went to that photo session
with me - like, he wants to stay closer to me or is brushing up against
me in our room in the dorm all the time. Maybe it's just my
imagination. Anyway, we got everything packed up, took the bus to
Chicago and checked into a cheap hotel. I was going to use the money
from my last photo session to buy us airline tickets but Eddie said that
since I didn't yet have a job that maybe I had better save my money.
Anyway, we made it to Chicago and after a week of looking around,
rented a two-bedroom apartment several blocks from the downtown firm
that Eddie would be working for.

Four weeks without a single job nibble. I can't believe it. I got so
bored hanging around the apartment that I got a job at a sub shop just
to have something to do. The other bummer is that it's harder than I
figured to make new friends in this town. Back at college both Eddie and
I knew several girls that we dated occasionally - nothing serious. But
so far nothing in this town. So we've ended up spending more time
together - two bachelors out on the town for an evening of bowling or a
movie. Exciting.

Eddie and I finally decided to clean out the apartment this past
weekend. The trash was getting piled up so high that it was getting
tough to walk around parts of it. One night Eddie went to take a leak in
the middle of the night and tripped over a trash bag and fell. Boy what
cursing! Anyway we were getting all the junk together to throw out and
I came across the partial bag of diapers. I didn't think that we
brought it but somehow it must have gotten packed. I was putting it on
the "throw out" pile when Eddie stopped me. "You know Tim, that was so
funny when you were trying to get those diapers on. I bet you still
can't do it." "You're kidding" I said, "You want me to put on a fucking
diaper?" "Chicken?" he said. Well, there's one thing I've never been
able to turn down and that's a hint that I afraid of anything, so I
stripped naked and put on a diaper. I didn't have any trouble getting
it adjusted by myself this time. It took us another hour or so to
finish the apartment and I wore the diaper all the time. As soon as we
were done, I got dressed and tossed the diaper in the trash. Eddie
picked it out and looked at it. "Dry" he said, "seems like a waste of a
good diaper." "Funny" I said. When I was lying in bed that night I
thought about how the diaper had felt against my body. I've always
liked jockey briefs instead of boxer shorts - I like the tight feeling
of the underwear against my body. And the diaper had felt like that
only more so - tight, and warm and sort of comforting.

I told Eddie that I was thinking about moving back home and living with
my folks. I really enjoyed being with him but I felt that I didn't have
much of a life. Not only was I not using any of my education at the sub
shop, but I wasn't making a lot of friends in the big city and I
thought it might be better to just go home and try to start over. Maybe
it shouldn't have surprised me but Eddie got really upset and said that
he really didn't want me to leave, in fact he threw his arms around me
and hugged me. I told him that I'd give it a try for another month or
so but that things had to improve or I'd reconsider my decision. That
was strange having him hug me that way. What was stranger was then when
we let go of each other, I realized that both of us had these big
bulges in our jeans. We both pretended like nothing had happened.

Well, things aren't great on the employment front, but at least they're
a little better. I've gotten a job as a data clerk at an accounting
firm. The pay is only about twice the minimum wage but at least I can
pay my half of the rent and have a little money left over for food and
entertainment. There's still not much on the entertainment front - just
Eddie and myself mostly. It's funny, while we were roommates at college
we were just casual friends. Now that we're spending more time together
we've grown closer. Eddie got a book that is something about how you can
improve the quality of your life by getting closer to other people.
Well, he's certainly getting closer to me. Usually when we're watching
TV he'll sit right next to me and sometimes he'll drape his arm over my
shoulder. I've got to admit that I don't mind it all that much - just
as long as he stays out of my bedroom!

Eddie was working late last night and I was just hanging around the
apartment without much to do. TV was boring and I didn't want to hit
the bars by myself. I was just sitting on the couch thinking about
nothing special when all of a sudden I started thinking about the
diapers. I don't know why, but I got up and found the package, shucked
off my clothes and put one on. I looked at myself in the mirror and it
didn't really look bad. Now maybe if I had a lot of heavy body hair, or
was really muscular it would have looked funny, but with my slim build
it wasn't too bad. I tried pulling on my pants and found that the bulk
of the diaper prevented me from buckling them. It was like I had gained
20 pounds or so. But I did like the way that felt so I just sat there
for awhile, sipping a beer and watching whatever was on TV. After
awhile the beer did it's usual thing and I had to take a leak. As I was
getting up to go to the bathroom, I remembered Eddie's comment about a
"..... waste of a good diaper." I wondered what it would feel like to
really use the diaper so I let just a little pee flow out into it.
Immediately I felt a warm, damp sensation in my crotch that felt so
pleasurable that I dumped the full load into the diaper. As I was
standing there with a full wet diaper and this raging hard on, I
realized how weird this would look if Eddie walked in the apartment now
so I ran into the bathroom, pulled off the soggy diaper, dried myself
off, got dressed and buried the wet diaper at the bottom of the trash
bag. That was strange.

It's been about a month now, and about once a week when I'm alone I'll
try on one of the diapers. I don't know how to explain it but there's
something comforting about it's tight feeling around my crotch. And the
feeling when I wet it is indescribable - at least at first. After a
half hour or so it starts to feel pretty cold and wet and that's no
fun. I've decided that when this package is used up which will be in
another week or so that I'm going to quit this kind of thing. I'd be
really embarrassed if anyone caught me.

Eddie came home from work last night and tossed two packages at me.
"What's this?" I asked. "Just something I think that you'll like" he
said. I figured he wasn't going to tell me what it was so I opened the
big package and it was a large box of diapers. "What?" I said. "I know
what you've been doing" he replied, "Don't you think I haven't noticed
an occasional soggy diaper hidden in the trash?" I must have been
blushing because my face felt really hot but before I could say
anything he continued "..... there's nothing wrong with it. If it makes
you feel good, do it" and then he told me to open the other, smaller
box. I did and that contained a pair of tan Dockers, but the waist size
was several inches too large. "Well thanks" I said, "but the waist is a
little big." "Not if you're wearing diapers" he replied. I argued a
little but he kept after me, and I felt a little embarrassed about
turning the gifts down, so I went along with him. I stripped and put on
a diaper while he watched, and then pulled on the loose fitting pants.
When I looked in the mirror, I realized that if you didn't know that I
was wearing something under the pants, that you'd never notice. Then
Eddie said "Looks good. Let's go out to supper to celebrate." "What?
Wear these outside the apartment?" I replied. "No one will notice" he
said. "What are you, a chicken?" There was that word again. So we went
out to a nearby pizza place and had pizza and a couple of pitchers of
beer for supper. I guess I must have been really drunk for when we got
back to the apartment and I was getting in bed, I found that I'd peed
in my diaper and hadn't even noticed it at the time.

It's been about a month now, and wearing a diaper on the weekend has
become a pretty usual thing for me now. Eddie's been encouraging me. I
think he likes to watch me walk around the apartment in nothing but my
diapers. And sometime when I've wet them he won't let me take them off
for awhile - making me walk around with a sagging, wet diaper on for
several hours. There have been several times when he asked me if he
could change me but that seemed more than a little weird and I told him
no.

Eddie seems to be more domineering lately. Well, domineering maybe isn't
the right word. It's just that he makes a lot of the decisions for us
and frequently never asks my opinion. I guess that's OK as I usually go
along with his choices and if I ever object to anything, he's very nice
about giving in to me. Last night he even suggested that he read to me before bedtime.
I kinda got lost in the tone of his voice and felt really dreamy...I think I heard him say something
about diapers ... and I guess I fell asleep.

It's funny how wearing diapers has gradually become a "natural" thing
with me over the past couple of months. Several months ago I had just
started to wear them on weekends. Now I find that I'm wearing them
nearly all the time. It's not that I can't control myself or anything,
it's just that I like the feel of the diaper, and especially that
spreading dampness when I wet myself. I have found that I have to be
more careful now. Since I can't easily change diapers at work, if I wet
myself early in the day I'll be wearing a wet diaper for several hours.
And if I'm not careful that leads to the development of a rash. I find
that if I dry myself off as soon as I get home and put lots of talcum
powder on myself, and follow that up with a clean fresh diaper that
I'll probably be OK. One or two times the rash has been stubborn and I
have had to use petroleum jelly to protect my skin from the dampness.
I've let Eddie change my diapers several times now. After I got over the
initial embarrassment over having someone else clean me off and handle
my penis as he changes me, it's kind of relaxing to lie on my bed and
be taken care of. There's one think that I've drawn the line at and
that's having a bowel movement in my diapers- or not having one. I WILL
NOT DO THAT!

I guess there's a limit to the absorbency of diapers. Wearing them 24
hours a day now, I've found several times that they had soaked up all
the liquid that they could and that I was beginning to get a little
leakage around my legs. Sometimes when that happened I could get to a
secluded location where I could put on a dry pair and dispose of the
messy pair but that's not always possible. And it sure would be
embarrassing to be working at the office and start to dampen my
trousers. Eddie solved the problem by finding these large plastic
panties that I can wear over my diapers. So now even if there is a
little leakage the panties will contain it. I do have to be careful
with the panties though, as they will make this rustling noise when I
walk if I'm not careful.

I was so embarrassed tonight. I was getting ready to go to bed in my
room and Eddie was putting on a dry diaper to carry me thru the night
when I peed on him. I don't know what made me do that. I was just lying
on my back on my bed and he had taken the wet old diaper off when
suddenly I started to pee and couldn't stop. Maybe it was the cold air
hitting my penis or something. Anyway, it left a big yellow wet spot on
the front of his shirt. I was really afraid that he was going to be mad
at me but he just laughed and spanked my bottom playfully and told me
that good boys didn't do things like that. It bothered me that I seem
to be losing the ability to control my bladder. I'm going to have to be
really careful now to control myself and not let that happen again.

No good, I've been trying to control myself over the past two weeks and
I find that I really can't anymore. Well, if I really concentrate, and
don't think about peeing, and push my legs together, I can make it not
happen. But the minute I stop concentrating I lose control. I told Eddie
about that and it didn't seem to worry him. He said that as long as I
liked wearing the diapers, what difference did it make whether I
controlled when I wet myself - the end result was the same. Eddie did
say that we've been using a lot of diapers and that maybe I should try
wearing them a little longer - like, maybe only getting changed 2 or 3
times a day instead of 4 or 5. We tried that but it means that I'm
usually wearing a VERY wet diaper. Of course the plastic panties keep
everything in, but my diaper still sags way down in back- Eddie was
chucking at the way I looked the other day and I had to admit that the
soggy diaper hanging down between my legs did look pretty funny.

I was going to get a haircut the other day and Eddie suggested that I
leave it alone. Personally I think that it was getting pretty shaggy
but he seems to think that it looks good hanging down below my
shoulders so I guess I'll go along with him. As it gets longer it gets
more naturally curly and wavy and he doesn't want me to comb it or
anything so I'm beginning to look like a real curlyhead these days.

Eddie really seems to like helping me do things. When I'm getting ready
to go to bed at night he'll not only do my diaper for me, but he'll
help me get into my pajamas. He surprised me by buying me several pairs
of light blue flannel pajamas last week. They're so soft and warm that
I really like to wear them. Sometimes on Saturdays I'll wear them all
morning.

I was having trouble balancing an account at work yesterday and I guess
that I started chewing on a ballpoint pen out of frustration. All of a
sudden I noticed that the secretary was looking at me and I realized
that I had started sucking on the end of the pen and sucked the ink up
into my mouth and gotten it all over my lips and my tongue. Boy did I
feel stupid about that. I left work early so that I could go home and
get cleaned up. When Eddie came home that evening he handed me a small
package from the drug store and when I opened it I saw that it was a
pacifier. He said that whenever I got nervous I could suck on that and
that would make me feel better. I figured that was pretty dumb but I
tried it and sure enough it works. I have to be really careful at work
but whenever I'm around the apartment I'll usually slip the pacifier
into my mouth and slowly suck on it to relieve my tensions.

Oh, did I have an embarrassing thing happen to me tonight. Eddie and I
had gone out to supper and then to a movie. About halfway thru the
movie I felt that I had to go to the bathroom and take a poop so I
tugged on Eddie's sleeve to ask him if it was OK. "Now now Tim, this
is the best part of the movie" he replied. So I sat there and tried to
ignore it but the feeling just kept getting stronger and stronger. So I
tugged at Eddie's sleeve again. "Eddie, I have to go really bad, please?"
I whimpered - but he ignored me. Finally I couldn't hold it in any
longer and it all just came out in my diaper. I felt this warm slimy
stuff spreading around from my behind to my frontside and getting
everything all warm and sticky. I realized what I had done to myself
and I kind of scrunched down in my seat and quietly cried at my
embarrassment. When we got up to leave the theatre I tried to pretend
that nothing had happened but I could feel the poop squishing around in
my diaper and I was sure that everybody knew what I had done. Eddie was
really nice though, he took my hand and led me out of the theatre and
took me directly home and cleaned me up and put me to bed. He rubbed my
back for awhile to relax me and told me not to worry because ".....
everybody has an accident now and then." I thought how nice Eddie was as
I lay in my nice warm bed and nursed on my pacifier and slowly drifted
off to sleep.

Boring! Those people that write the articles for the newspapers should
all go back to school and learn how to write better. I was trying to
read the morning newspaper this morning and I couldn't figure out what
they were trying to say. Like, I could read the words OK but it just
didn't seem to make much sense. What a bunch of idiots. You'd think
that they could write a story that makes sense. At least the pictures
that go along with the story are OK. And of course I like to read the
comics.

I had to quit my job this week. Things were just getting to complicated
for me and the people weren't really nice to me. I kept making mistakes
and they kept bawling me out. I tried to console myself by sucking on
my thumb when nobody was looking but even that didn't work after
awhile. After I had been coming home from work crying for about a week,
one evening Eddie told me to come over to where he was sitting on the
sofa and he told me to curl up against him and he asked me what was
wrong. I told him about all the troubles I was having at work and he
said that it didn't matter, that we didn't need the money, and that if
I wasn't happy that it just wasn't worth it. So he called my office the
next day and told them that I wouldn't be coming in any more.

If I've been a good boy during the day, when Eddie changes my diaper and
puts me to bed he'll give me a treat. After he gets me all cleaned off
he'll take his hands and play with my penis till it gets big and hard.
That feels good and he'll keep playing with it till white sticky stuff
squirts out. I really like that part. Sometimes he'll even take it in
his mouth and suck on it for me. I asked him if I could do that to him
once and he let me but I didn't like the taste very well.

Eddie did something really nice for me last night. I was having trouble
getting to sleep and I guess I was fussing a little as I lay in my bed
and Eddie heard me. I heard him get up and go into the kitchen and
several minutes later he came into my room and handed me something and
said "This should make you feel better Tim." I looked at what he gave
me and it was a bottle full of warm milk with a nipple on it. So I just
lay there in bed and nursed on the bottle and pretty soon I fell
asleep. I guess I must have been tired as I didn't even drink half of
the bottle before I fell asleep.

I'm having a very hard time controlling myself these days. It seems as
though I have no control over when I poop or pee anymore. It doesn't
bother Eddie. He'll see me walking across the room and I'll stop and get
this look of concentration on my face as I fill my diaper and he'll
just laugh and say something like "..... had an accident Tim?" And
I'll shyly grin at him and he'll laugh.

Taking showers isn't much fun anymore. Keeping the water adjusted to
the right temperature is too hard. And besides, it's more fun taking a
bath with Eddie every night. He'll get the bathtub all full of warm and
soapy water and he'll take his bath and when he's done, he'll stay in
the tub but he'll let me get in the tub with him. I'll sit in the tub
in front of him and he'll wash my back and then reach around and wash
my chest. I really like it when he plays with me when he washes between
my legs. That feels good. I have to be really careful not to poop or
pee when I'm in the tub with Eddie.

I think that maybe I should eat less. Or maybe it has something to do
with the fact that since I'm not working anymore that I rarely leave
the apartment. Anyway, I've gained some weight lately. Now it's not
that I'm getting fat or anything but my body is definitely chubby now.
When Eddie was helping me get ready for bed last night he was kidding me
by calling me "Chubby Tim" and then he started to tickle me. At first
the tickling felt good and we were both laughing but then he wouldn't
stop and I started crying. I guess that made him realize that I wasn't
enjoying it anymore and he did stop then.

Geez. The TV shows are so dumb these days. Well, that's not completely
true. The shows that I really like are the ones with the cartoons and
animals in them and they're mostly on in the morning. I like Saturday
especially because then there are more of my favorite shows on.
Usually, shortly after we've had supper, I'll start feeling bored and
tired and will go to bed. Eddie's been fixing a bottle for me every
night now and I really appreciate that. It feels so good to have been
changed into a dry diaper and put on my PJs and cuddle up in my nice
warm bed with my bottle. Every night now Eddie's been turning on some music
in my room...pretty music that plays over and over until I go nite nite.

I must have done something bad at the supper table last night although
I'm not sure what it was. Anyway, Eddie got annoyed with me after I
spilled a little food on the floor and told me that "If you can't do a
better job than that, I'll do it myself." So he fed me the rest of my
meal. He wouldn't even let me help. I just had to sit there and open my
mouth when it was time. After supper was over he wiped my mouth off and
told me to go and play in my room for a little while before he came in
to put me to bed. He made the music play again... and I fell asleep.

I got scared last night. I don't know why but I woke up in the middle
of the night. Eddie had gone to bed and all the lights were off. I was
sure that I could hear something move over in the corner of the room
but it was so dark that I couldn't see anything. I lay there real
quiet. I figured that if whatever was in my room didn't know that I was
there, that it wouldn't bother me. But after awhile I heard a sound
like it was moving toward me and I got really scared. I started crying
real loud and all of a sudden the door to my room opened and Eddie came
in and turned the light on. He said "Tim, what's the matter big boy?"
and came over and sat on my bed. I tried to explain what had happened
but I was crying so much that it was hard to talk. Eddie gently cradled
my head against his chest and after awhile I got myself under control
and told him about the monster. He got up and looked around but
couldn't find anything. He told me I'd be OK but when he started to
leave I got scared and started crying again so he let me come into his
room and sleep with him. I felt so safe cuddled up against Eddie with
his arm around me that I went to sleep right away.

Yeah, I'm still gaining weight. None of my clothes fit me now, which
doesn't really make much difference because I haven't been out of the
apartment in several months now and only wear diapers around the
apartment. Eddie keeps the temperature turned up so that it's warm and
I'm comfortable. But he's had to get diapers that will handle my larger
waist size now. It looks like most of the added weight is in my tummy
which is now a large round pink projection. I can't get my diapers to
stay up so they just sag down below my tummy now. It's OK, they still
catch everything but when they get full they really sag down now. Eddie
thinks I look "cute" when I walk around with my big tummy sticking out
in front of me and a loaded diaper hanging down and flopping between my
legs. Except that I find that it's sometimes easier to crawl around the
apartment than to walk these days. I don't know whether it's because my
tummy got bigger or what, but crawling on my hands and knees seems
easier than walking - my balance isn't too good now and I tend to bump
into things and fall a lot. I've got a couple of big bruises from where
I hit something when I took a tumble.

He's gotten me some really nice toys to play with. Several are soft
furry animals and I like them because I can take them to my bed with me
when I take my naps in the morning or afternoon. Naps are nice. Usually
Eddie will change me before I get into my bed, and he'll give me a
bottle so that I can just lie there and nurse and pretty soon I'll drop
off to sleep. Eddie was afraid that I'd fall out of bed so he got me a
new bed with sides on it several weeks ago. It's kinda like a big crib
and I have a hard time getting in or out without his help. But he's
really nice about helping me. I should probably practice my walking
more. I've just been crawling for the past several weeks and when I
tried to walk this morning, I had trouble getting upright and then I
was really unsteady on my feet. I took about two shaky steps and then
lost my balance and fell down on my bottom. Of course the diaper
provided padding so I didn't hurt myself. But I was startled and let
out a cry. Eddie came running into my room to see what had happened. He
played with me for a few minutes until I felt better and had settled
down. Then he brought several of my favorite toys over to me so I could
play with them and amuse myself.

Eddie can be so annoying at times. It's like when I want something from
him he'll ignore me until I get so frustrated that I'll start to cry,
and then he'll come over and take care of me. He's not calling me
"Tim" anymore, now it's "baby" as in "What does baby want now?" I
guess it doesn't make any difference what he calls me. I just wish that
I didn't have to cry to get his attention. He won't let me feed myself
anymore. I think he really likes to feed me because he plays games with
the food. Hell pretend that a spoonful of food is an airplane and he'll
"fly" it around my mouth several times before he lets it "land" in my
mouth. It's like Eddie doesn't want me to do anything for myself now -
just take naps, and watch TV, and eat the food he feeds me, and fill my
diaper, of course. Sometimes I feel that he's almost treating me more
like a pet than a person. But on the other hand, my life is so easy
now, that what's wrong with being taken care of a little? There are
lots of worse things.

I was trying to talk to Eddie last night and he started laughing. I
couldn't figure out what was so funny and then I realized that what I
was saying didn't make any sense - it wasn't even words - just kind of
like babbling. I kept trying but it's like I couldn't remember how to
put the sounds together to make words. Eddie and I had this long
conversation, he'd talk to me and I'd babble back to him. He couldn't
understand me of course but we were having fun playing our game. He was
laughing and I was giggling and drooling.

My diet has changed a little, Eddie hasn't given me any solid food for
several weeks now. But he gives me really big bottles and the stuff in
them tastes better than milk. Most of the time now I just lay in my bed
and take naps and nurse on my bottles. It's harder for me to move
around in my bed these days. Like, I can roll over but I tried to sit
up last night and couldn't make it. I don't think it's because of the
weight I've gained, in fact I think that I've lost some weight
recently, what with being on a liquid diet and all. It seems more like
I've just lost most of my muscle tone, or forgotten how to do some of
the things I used to be able to do. It doesn't bother me because it's
not like I have to do anything for myself these days. Eddie pretty much
takes care of all my needs. With all the added liquid he has to change
me really often now. There's nothing worse than lying in bed in a wet,
cold diaper. But I can't complain. Eddie usually comes as soon as I
start to cry. Since he's just changed me and played with that thing
between my legs and made me feel good, I guess it's time for a nap now.
As I was drifting off to sleep, I thought that I heard Eddie come into
the room and stand by my crib and softly say "Well Tim, that medicine
that I've been giving you, combined with the hypnosis tapes and script I've read to you,
certainly has done what I wanted it to do. You'll stay with me forever now - as my baby."