Chapter 1

I posted a little while ago, looking for files for orgasm control. This sent me down a delightful rabbit hole and I started chatting with a hypnotist. I want to record my observations, as objectively as possible comparing my “normal” experiences to “post hypnosis” experiences. I’m still sort of a skeptic, even as I am feeling the effects, so I’d like to write things down as it happens for future reference. If anyone else benefits from reading it, yay! Feel free to ask questions.

As I said, I’m interested in being unable to cum without permission. I’ve been pretty skeptical about hypnosis in general and I’ve tried a few times in the past with not much result. Going down the aforementioned rabbithole, I got excited at the possibilites and decided to give it shot. If it didn’t work, well, at least it was fun. I tried some recorded files that were very fun but did not have lasting effects. I’ll concede that maybe I did not listen to them enough times. I tried a couple different tists (is that the word? It sounds weird).

After several long messages back and forth, we decided to try a voice-skype session. On July 25, we chatted, I asked questions, he explained what to expect and asked questions about my goals, my reasons, what I am comfortable with, how to be safe. We had a nice chat and I felt very relaxed and comfortable with the goals, outline of the session, safeties to be put in place and felt like I had sort of gotten to know him a little. That’s probably good, to build rapport, right?

7/26 - First session, I was nervous and excited and hopeful and almost afraid it would work, while at the same time afraid it wouldn’t. We chatted a bit first, and he took great pains before and after to be sure I was comfortable with the suggestions, effects, and made sure to include safeties. Then we got to it. After, we discussed what I remembered, what he suggested, and went over the session. So… now just to test it. I made it clear from the beginning that I would challenge the suggestions, intentionally and he encouraged me to do my best. That is my interest - to no longer being in control. If I can edge and go over, what’s the point? So, I made the first test masturbation. I could not cum. I used my standard technique, standard toy, everything exactly as before and I just couldn’t get enough…. something. Pressure? Muscle tension? That doesn’t seem right. I did stay on the edge, right at the precipice for several seconds, much longer than I have ever been able to hold an edge, especially having not gone over. I’m actually terrible at edging and denying myself, I usually go for the full orgasm in the heat of the moment. You can probably see why I’m interested in a hypnotic solution. Test #2 - same thing. Same technique, toy, same frustrated ending. I finally gave up. Several hours later, test #3. This time I added an “auxiliary toy”, also a regularly used item. Started my usual… routine. ;) I thought I was going to have the same result, once I got close, I felt the same thing, a block not being able to move past it. Teetering on the edge of orgasm, waiting, trying… and then I felt the sensation that I was falling and the pent up orgasm washed over me for several seconds. It was a very good one. Coincidentally, part of the session focused on the quality of orgasms I would have when I’m allowed. So, I let him know and we talked about ways to improve.

7/27 - Second session. Much like the first time, a brief chat, overview of “the plan”, and then into trance. The technique was wholly different this time, leaving me very aroused, very much wanting to feel release. This time I started right off with the standard toy and it’s “auxiliary”. I went through my tried and true routine, the one that has gotten me off for years. No dice. I was stuck on the edge, I couldn’t tip past the point of no return, no matter which way I moved, how I adjusted pressure, how I moved the toy, I tried everything I could think of. Very frustrated, I gave up. For about 10 minutes then tried again. :) Double the frustration, I still couldn’t get there. Ok, this happened the first day, the first two attempts left me frustrated but the third one, after waiting some hours, it worked. I handled some normal life business, and when I had some privacy again - Third try, I’m not even sure I want to count it because I was interrupted before I truly felt that it wasn’t happening. So now, an experiment! For science! I have some self-imposed tasks to accomplish (non sexual) before I am allowed to cum tonight. After I complete them, I have permission to cum. So, I’m going to try before I complete them and see what happens. :) Then of course, I will do them and hopefully all the delicious frustration today will be worthwhile. After I test the bonds and am satisfied that they will hold, we will work on denial for longer periods of time, which will be very challenging for me.