Chapter 1

“You’re a fucking Confederate, boy,” my Uncle Jake said, and I was losing the ability to resist.  He’d already ripped me out of my shirt and told me to sit down and shut up while the moonshine did its work on me.

“I ain’t no motherfuckin’ redneck!” I fumed, but even my voice sounded Southern, like I was starting to turn into some slack-jawed yokel.  What really scared me is that for some reason it kind of felt good to hear my voice sound that way.  I wanted to hear it again, but Jake was staring straight at me and I knew he didn’t want to hear no lip outta me.

Fuck, man, and then my jeans were splitting at the seams, too, as my thighs were swelling with muscle… I had this muscle sprouting up all over my chest, which was getting some real pecs for the first time, and I knew this was just the start of it.  My pits itched, my face was itchin’, and I knew I was probably gonna get hairy from it when I saw how scratching at my abs was just getting hair to start growin in a trail for the first time… fuck, man, I can’t be a redneck, how am I supposed to… aww fuck.  

“Uncle Jake, you can’t, I…” but here he was holding that moonshine to my lips, and the thing was it smelled so good and I was so thirsty that I probably wouldn’t even be able to want to turn my head away, I thought, but I couldn’t let this go any further.  I took a small sip, just because I figured it wouldn’t hurt too much and maybe he’d let me off the hook, but the warm, burning sensation on my tongues and the fumes in my nose seemed so intriguing, so… aww, fuck it, I thought, one big gulp, then he’ll back off.  

What the fuck did I just do, I thought immediately, but already I was kind of… aww fuck, it itches, man, I’m gunna be a fucking redneck and when I am, oh fuck, what’ll I do now…