Chapter 1

This is not a fictional story - this is actually happening to me in real time. It's been about a month since I started  listening to hypnosis files.

First off I have to say, I am a gay man and have always felt gay.  I am not some young hot boy, on the contrary, I am in my early 60s and I am physically tall (6'2"), have a deep voice, and unless I tell people otherwise, for all intents and purposes, I appear to be a straight guy.  I am not well endowed, around 6" hard (more about this later) and I love to be with men.  I had never really thought about being submissive towards other men, though I preferred being a bottom to a top.  Many years ago I went dressed up in drag for Halloween and although I only did that once, the experience has stuck with me all these years.  I have been in relationships with other men, and currently I am single again.   So why am I going on about all of this?

Recently  I saw a file on Youtube, entitled "Hypnosis, Turning into a Sissy Boy".  There are dozens and dozens of these and I had listened to a few of them and got intrigued by this concept.  The file that I have named gave a link to this website.   This file is one of ENG's  cursed videos, and I should have not just blindly tried it.  Now I am hooked on it.  I think this curse is real.  Since I have been listening to it over and over, I have shaved off ALL my body hair (except for a small rectangle of pubs over my cock), use moisturizer on my skin,  placed my cock in a chastity lock,  put mascara on my eyebrows, painted my fingernails with a pretty pink nail polish and have a really deep red lipstick that I now wear. On a side note, I had a really strong desire to shave my head and beard off, so now I am bald and clean shaven, (after wearing a beard for over 30 years now.)  My immediate thought was I could wear a nice wig easier if I was bald, and I felt compelled to do this.  I have not yet worn any articles of women's clothing, but I have a strong desire to wear panties and a bra and stockings.  I don't get hard any more unless I am thinking of these sissy boy changes or watching sissy porn and then then I have to masterbate and come.  The hypnosis file said, doing this will lock in the changes, and so far, this is what has happened to me.

Now I understand hypnosis will not make you do anything that you don't want to do. Even if this is a curse, it must have been something I secretly have desired, even if I have not previously thought about these ideas.  I seem to have uncovered something inside me that was dormant and now it wants to take over me.  I don't know where this will lead.  Do I just want to dress up as a girl? (Even though I make an ugly girl.) Do I want more? Do I want to become  a girl/woman?  Do I want to take hormones and have breasts?  Do I want a sex change and remove my penis?  I don't know the answers to these questions.  Before I started listening these files, I would have never thought about any of this.  Now it seems I am addicted to listening to Sissy boy transformation files and there seems to be no end to it.

So what's going to happen to me next?  I have strong desires to get women's lingerie and stockings for a start.  I have been looking here in the femminization chat area, and there are many posts regarding the Bambi series of hypnosis videos located on a server somewhere on this website.  How to access them, I am not sure, but it's something else to think about.  This is all new to me and through the hypnosis, something has awakened in me. It seems my journey is just beginning and I don't know where it will led me.  On one hand I am worried and nervous as to what is happening to me.  I am close to retirement age and if this starts to interfere with my work, I can always retire if it will make this journey any easier.

I have some serious doubts about my masculinity and it's all happening to me so quickly.  If you had told me a month ago that I would have desires to become a sissy boy,  take hormones and grow tits, wear women's clothing and have sex with men while dressed as a woman, I would have thought you were either crazy or a prankster.  Now I am not so sure anymore.  I am now watching Pornhub videos of young men dressed up as sissies, sucking men off and being fucked while wearing all the makeup, as it seems to be the only thing that will make my cock hard.   I think I mentioned that I am now often wearing a chasity lock on my penis, and it seems to have shrunk in size.  It used to be at least a couple of inches long when it was soft and now, it's just a little nub.  I had to get a smaller cock cage as it was falling out of the larger one.  I like the feeling of the cage when I am wearing it, and at first my cock was swollen and hard in the cage, but now, it seems to be soft and tiny and happy to be in the cage.  And it stays that way now out of the cage.  I don't remember specifically listing to any file telling me this other than a couple of chastity files that commanded me to keep it in a cage, since sissy boys don't come by jerking off, they come from being fucked in the ass.  This  has not yet happened to me, even if I pump my ass with my big black dildo, but it might just be a matter of time.

I will continue to write chapters about my transformation, as  I don't know where it is going at this point. The main thing in all of this, is I don't want it to stop.  It is terrifying and exciting to me all at the same time.  Maybe I want to be a transgendered MTF.  I don't know.  Maybe all I want is to be a cock sucking sissy boy and let straight me fuck me, maybe a she-male.  The possibilities are opening up before me.