Story

I guess I was either 11 or 12 at the time. There was just over a week left of school, and it was already getting hot and muggy. I was home alone after school, as per usual. While all of my friends were outside doing everything I wanted to be doing myself, I was sequestered in my house; and was bored out of my mind. To give you a little background, it had been a rather rough year for me. I was starting to reach that age where my mind and body were starting to mature; and I had been rebelling against my mother and step-monster for most of the school year. I had been on “restriction” since before Thanksgiving the previous year, and had just about everything entertainment-wise taken away from me; including my TV and most of my toys. When I got home from school, I had to go straight to my room until my mom got home; which it usually took her a couple of hours after I got there.

By this point, mom and the step were at wits end with me. They had literally tried every form of punishment they could think of to get me to straighten up; so they had started getting “inventive” with punishments for me. Since reading was about the only respite I had from boredom hell, they would take my books, or forbid me from going to the library if I had been caught say…watching TV before mom got home. On this particular afternoon, I had been on one of those stretches for close to a week, and I was about to Lose My Mind. As I had literally nothing to keep my mind occupied until my mom got home, I decided to engage in one of my favorite activites at the time: pilfering. That’s how I wound up digging in the hall closet; which would turn out to be my undoing!

In addition to working 2 jobs at the time, my mom would also babysit for a couple of her friends from time to time. She always seemed to enjoy everything about taking care of toddler-aged kids. One friend in particular, I’ll call her Sue; had a toddler girl that was about 3–4 years old. She was larger than the average 4-year old, as in height versus weight. I remember that when she stood, I wasn’t more than 10 or so inches taller than her. I’m not quite sure as to exactly why, but I remember the girl having some kind of developmental/learning disability that made potty training ineffective. Due to this, she wore the largest size that Pampers had available at the time. After Sue had left my mom without all the necessary supplies once or twice, mom took matters into her own hands and made sure that she had all the stuff she needed for the baby at our house at all times. Needless to say, I wound up pilfering through the closet in the hallway, and came upon said supply cache, which included a barely used package of Pampers in the largest size they made. I’m not sure why I was so drawn to that package of diapers; but, before I realized it, I had removed one from the package and was instantly transfixed! I was fascinated by the way they felt in my hand, the texture; as well as the crinkle sound they made. I have no idea how long I was sitting there admiring that diaper; but it had been a while. I was so distracted by that diaper that even though I heard my mom pull up, close the car door, and check the mailbox on the porch; I didn’t actually realize that my mom was home from work until the front door swung open. She wound up scaring me out of my trance when she came in, which ended up with me falling back on my ass on the floor as the diaper landed right in my lap!

After a few awkward seconds, mom reached down and pulled me up to my feet; snatching the diaper off my lap during the process. When she asked me what the hell I thought I was doing, my only response was: “I dunno…”. Wrong answer, especially with My mother! She already knew what I’d been up to pretty much. All she needed to see was the “deer caught in the headlights” look that was written all over my face to know that I was up to no good. She put the diaper back in the package, and put everything back where it belonged. When she closed the closet door, she turned back around to me and said that if she ever found out that I had gone back in there and tampered with the Pampers again, she would put me back in diapers and send me to school wearing her clothes. I fully believed that she would follow through on her threat if she caught me again. For some reason, though, that wasn’t enough to keep me out of that closet.

A couple of days later, I could Not get the thought of those diapers out of my head. When I pulled that first one out of the package, and both felt and heard it; something in my mind just “clicked”. So I called myself being smart this time. As soon as I got home, I put my backpack in my room, and went right to the hall closet. I wasn’t going to get caught like that again. I took one of the Pampers out very carefully, and took it straight to my room to try and put it on. As big as they were, there was No way one was going to fit me. It didn’t take me long to figure out that if I taped two of them together in the right spots, the resulting “diaper” was almost big enough to fit me; but I would need extra tape to connect the back to the front. Since the step-monster worked at a hospital, there was no shortage of medical tape around the house; which was perfect for the plastic that Pampers were made from back then.

I had it set up so that all I had to do when I went to bed that night was put it on and tape it up. It was foolproof. Mom would never miss the two diapers I took, since the bag was opened and about a 1/3 missing already. All I had to do was remain chill until bedtime that night. Which I did manage, somehow. It was nearly impossible to keep from running down the hall to my room when it was time for bed; and within 3 minutes, I was wearing a diaper for the first time in 10 years! While pulling the pieces of tape I was going to need off the roll; I discovered the phenomenon of static electricity created by friction. Where the tape was coming off the roll, I saw the faintest glow of electricity; as it was nearly pitch dark under my covers. Fascination took over, and soon I was ripping the tape off again and again so I could see it. Of course, that ripping sound carried all the way down the hall and into the living room, where my parents were trying to quietly watch TV. Soon, I heard footsteps coming down the hall, and knew the step-monster was coming to investigate. Upon entering, he immediately flipped the light on and asked me what was making so much noise. I tried my best to play it off, but he knew that I was up to Something I wasn’t supposed to be. In a flash, my covers were yanked off; and I was instantly on full display to the world. In my Pampers diaper. At 12. I was literally living out the worst case scenario right then!

For all his drunken abusiveness and dislike for me, he had expected to find a thousand other things under my covers. The one thing he did Not expect was to find me wearing a diaper. He had no idea how to process what he was seeing, so to avoid losing face, he just walked back out to the living room to my mother; mumbling something about she needed to deal with this one. Moments later, mom comes in and takes one look at me, and instantly I see her eyes darken. Through gritted teeth, she very quietly tells me to take the diaper off and go to sleep, that we would discuss the matter the next day. I didn’t sleep much at all that night, imagining a million different awkward and humiliating situations involving me at school, in a diaper, wearing girls’ clothes.

I did finally drift off to sleep sometime during the wee hours of the morning, only to wake up what felt like 5 minutes later to the sound of my alarm going off. I got up, dressed and ready for school in record time. My mom had to go into work early, so she was even able to give me a ride to school on her way out. Not a word was said about the events of the previous night by either of us. I’m pretty sure she was as relieved as I was about being able to start the day without having the most awkward conversation we’d ever had. The day came and went without incident, and I went home that night and anxiously awaited whatever fate my mother had planned for me. When she did finally arrive home, the rest of the evening played out just like any other Friday before it. The step monster was going to be gone all weekend because of work; so my mom even allowed me to stay up late and watch a movie with her!

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of breakfast being cooked at an hour when I was usually up by myself eating cereal. After we ate and cleaned up, mom told me to go get dressed and comb my hair, as she needed to run a few errands. More often than not, I usually got left home for these little excursions, but I figured she just needed me to help carry groceries or whatever. Either way, I was glad to get out of the house for a few. Even if it was just to go shopping with mom. Plus, she had the station wagon instead of her car, so that just further reinforced the thought. Shortly after we left, I remember thinking to myself something along the lines of maybe I should get caught wearing a diaper more often; because this was the best my mom and I had gotten along in months! I quickly cursed myself for having such a thought, feeling like I was pushing my luck with the universe. Thoughts like that usually tended to blow up in my face, but nothing could have prepared me for the explosion that was literally right around the corner!

The first place mom stopped was the locally owned drugstore where she always got any scripts we needed, as well as some of the more specialized items that a lot of the bigger stores didn’t carry. After turning the car off, she instructed me to get in the back seat and fold it down while she was in the drugstore. She said she would only be a few minutes, and to wait in the back of the car after I had folded down the seat. It all seemed innocent enough, but my gut was full of butterflies all of the sudden and no reason as to why. It seemed like she was gone for over an hour before emerging from the drugstore with two rather large bags. By the time I got out of the car to go help her, she was already at the tailgate of the car, pulling it down. She had me hoist the big bags into the back, and then told me to sit down on the tailgate of the car and lie back. Just as I was about to question her; she shot me a look that told me I’d be much better off if I just kept my mouth shut for the duration and went along with whatever she was doing. She reached into the bag closest to her and ripped open a plastic package and pulled out something white and puffy…and crinkly. As soon as I heard that unmistakable sound, my reality came crashing down all around me! When the shock of what was happening wore off and I came back to my senses, mom was telling me to lift up my butt as she was pulling my shorts and underwear off me. Instinctively, I knew to keep my butt up long enough for her to slide a diaper under me. When I eased back down on to the soft, cottony inside and felt the front of it being folded over my pelvic area, I immediately broke down and started bawling and begging my mom to reconsider. I was so desperate at this point to avoid the humiliation that I Knew was about to come, that I pleaded with her to beat me senseless instead. She didn’t say a word, she just shook her head and finished taping the diaper on me…My diaper. The first of many to come, as it turned out!

Once I had calmed down a bit, I realized that we were already on the way to our next destination. With the speed of a highly trained expert, my mother had put me in a diaper, redressed me, and had me belted into the back seat as if I were an actual toddler. I asked where we were headed next, and was very flatly answered that I would find out when we arrived. I knew I was in for it, then! Mom started explaining a little bit about my situation; beginning with:”You completely brought this on yourself! I warned you what would happen if you went back in that closet or touched the diapers again. You wanted to act like a baby and wear diapers so damn bad; well now you got your wish! You’re going to be wearing diapers all day and all night for at least the next two weeks. And yes, that includes school next week! If you manage to behave yourself for the next couple of weeks, your punishment will end then. If not, then your punishment will be extended accordingly. I’ll explain the rest of your new rules after we’re finished shopping and we get back home. Until then, it would be in your best interests to do what I tell you to do, When I tell you to do it, and without any complaining. I was too anxious to do anything but nod my head in agreement.

I figured that whatever she had planned next couldn’t be worse than changing me into a diaper in the drugstore parking lot. Until she turned into the mall parking lot and parked in front of JCP, that is. My heart sank into my gut when we entered the store and immediately made a beeline for the girls’/womens’ section. I tried to talk her into letting me look through the toy section while she shopped, but she insisted that I stay with her; since we were there to shop for me in the first place. It took probably a couple of hours of me trying on what seemed like an endless number of ridiculously girly outfits before mom finally settled on several pairs of shorts and a few t-shirts. By the time we were finished at the mall, I was pretty much emotionally numb. I would’ve given anything to be magically transported back to the empty drugstore parking lot to have my diaper changed over and over versus the humiliation I suffered at JCP that day! She even made me wear a pair of the shorts to check out and leave!

On the way home, we made a stop by her friend Sue’s house. Again, I was instructed to stay in the car while she went inside. For once, I was thankful to be left in the car. While there wasn’t anyone around just then, I still didn’t want to Sue (or anyone else) to see me dressed the way I was. Just as I started to contemplate my fate at school in the coming week, mom re-emerged from her friend’s house carrying what looked like a large-ish purple purse. It wasn’t until she opened the rear door of the car that I saw what it really was: a bright purple diaper bag with a My Little Pony on it! I got the feeling that I was going to become very familiar with it when she deposited it in my lap and instructed me to hang on to it until we got home. Once we arrived there, my mom told me to bring everything straight into my room, where I was to sit on my bed and wait for her. I unloaded the car relatively quickly, despite my best effort to take as long as possible; after which I sat down on the edge of my bed and anxiously awaited what was to come. It was getting close to dusk by the time mom made it back to my room, and my room was brighly lit in orange hues; which only served to add to my anxiety, as it was very much like being in the spotlight on stage.

She picked up the second bag from the drugstore and placed it on my bed, telling me to stand up and take off everything except my diaper. I waited to take off my shorts until last, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had already started growing my hair longer to try and get rid of the bowl cut mom had been giving me for most of my life. That, combined with the rather thick diaper I was wearing under the girlie-looking pleated khaki shorts I had on, made me look more like a 12 year-old girl than many of the acutal girls I went to school with! Secretly, that thought gave me an immense thrill deep down; and intense shame immediately afterward. A few moments later, I was snapped back when my mom practically growled at me to take off my shorts as well. I complied and turned around to face her, doing my best to avoid the gaze of death mom likely was wearing. She lifted my chin up, and expertly plugged my mouth with a pink pacifier before explaining to me that when my “binky” was in, I was not to speak at all unless directly addressed. Even then, if the answer required more than a nod or shake of my head, I was to speak with the pacifier in my mouth like a toddler would; unless an adult removed it, of course. When she asked me if I understood, I nodded my head and looked down at my feet. “That’s a good girl.” she said, and told me to sit back down on the bed. As I did so, mom cocked her head and went back to looking angry again. She pointed down at my diaper and asked me “What the hell is this?!?!” I looked down at the diaper trying to figure out what she was looking at, and looked back up at her, confused. She came closer, pointing directly at the crotch of plastic underwear where about halfway down the front, a green stripe began that went all the way down between my legs, announcing the fact that I was wearing a wet diaper. She had apparently expected me to last more than a few hours without needing to use the bathroom; or at the very least, informing her that I needed to. “I wasn’t going to change your diaper until I got you ready for bed later tonight. Since you couldn’t even tell me you needed to use the potty, you obviously needed to be in diapers. Either that, or you Wanted to wear them again. In any case, you’ll now be wearing them for another week. For now, I’m just going to change you into one of your night-time diapers and get you dressed for bed now to save some time. If you have another accident before bedtime, you’ll just have to wait until morning when I change you. Which be the only time you will be able to use to toilet. I don’t want to change another set of messy diapers if I don’t have to!”

Mom pushed me back into a lying position on the bed and reached back into the drugstore bag to remove a package tightly wrapped in plastic. She tore the plastic open and removed what appeared to be a different kind of diaper in my size; except it was a light shade of blue, and about twice as thick as on I was wearing! It took a bit longer to change me than it did to just put a diaper on, since I would need to be wiped this time, and powdered as well. Once the night-time diaper was installed snugly and adjusted properly, mom reached into the Penney’s bag and pulled out a pink t-shirt with Strawberry Shortcake on it and proceeds to put it on for me. She followed suit with both of the matching socks, pulling them all the way up to my knees before taking a step back to admire her handiwork. “Oh, I almost forgot the last piece of your outfit!” she exclaims, and starts to rummage around in the diaper bag. After a few seconds she found what she was searching for, and from behind, I see her holding something up in front of her. “Wow, these are far more adorable than aunty Sue said they would be!” she said, and turned around to show me what she was holding. “I think they’re a perfect match! Now lie back again so I can get these put on you.”

In her hands, she was holding up a pair of plastic pants…exactly like the kind you would put on a real baby, over their diapers! Except they were much bigger than any plastic pants I’d seen before, and not so much Pants as Panties; since there were white, with several rows of pink lace ruffles on the back! I just lay back and began crying outright, furiously sucking my binky while my mother slid the plastic panties up my legs. She then pulled me off the bed and had me balance myself on her shoulders so she could pull them all the way up over my diaper and adjust the fit as necessary. Once she was done and I was properly attired, she began emptying out the top two drawers of my dresser into another bag, only to replace their contents with the bulk of what was going to be my new wardrobe for the next 3 weeks now! While she was doing so, she started in with “the Lecture”; informing me of the events of the weeks to come. “Since your father will be gone all weekend, and I don’t have any plans; especially after what I just spent on Your new wardrobe, I figure this will be a good time for you to get used to wearing what you’ll be put to bed in every night. This is also how you’ll be dressed All the time when we’re here. With the exception of the night-time diaper, of course. Unless you make that necessary, too. The only thing that will be allowed to cover your diaper when you are home will be those or the other pair of “potty panties” I got for you. I’ll give you the choice of whether or not to wear them during the day, but you Will be wearing one pair or the other every night to bed. I have no intention of changing your diapers in the middle of the night again! I talked to the principal at your school yesterday about your situation. While it’s against school policy for you to go to school dressed in all girls’ clothes, you will be wearing the shorts I got you to school All week next week; and yes, that includes the pink ones!”(one of the pairs of shorts she bought for me were bright, day-glow pink!)

After she was finished, she said she was going to go make dinner, so I could occupy myself until then. As mom left the room, she stopped and looked back at me with a smile and said “As much as you’ll probably hate to hear this, you make an adorable little girl! I didn’t expect those panties to look so cute on you; when you get done sulking you really should take a look in the mirror”. Once she was out of sight, I waited a few more minutes until I heard her getting dinner started in the kitchen before I got off the bed and waddled over to the mirror. I immediately noticed it was not possible to put my legs together all the way due to the extra amount of padding between them. Nearly absentmindedly, I reached down and began to feel the front of the diaper through the plastic. The sound it made stirred up the deep down excitement I had felt earlier; the same excitement that I felt that first night when I finished taping on my makeshift diaper. For a few moments, I forgot about my predicament and my surroundings, and focused only on the image staring back at me from the mirror. Had I not known that I was looking in a mirror, I would have been convinced that I was staring at a 12 year old girl with a pixie bob and a Really puffy butt! When I turned to look at my ruffle covered butt, I saw that the lace was folded up the wrong way from when I’d slid off the bed. I straightened them back out, but I’m a bit OCD, so that wasn’t enough for me. I had to make sure that the ruffles fell in a row Just perfectly. Which didn’t happen at first, so I kept trying. As I finally got the ruffles to look close to the way I wanted them to, I hear a stifled giggle from down the hallway. When I looked up, I saw my mother peeking around the corner at me with a smile on her face for the first time that day. “I had a feeling that you would like those, too. Sue ordered some stuff for the baby out of the wrong catalog and was way too big for her, including both pairs of potty panties. The company wouldn’t take them back, so they were just wasting away in a box in her garage. Next time we see her, I want you to tell her thank you for the cute panties she gave you!”. When she kept looking at me with her eyebrows raised, I knew she was expecting an answer. I meant to say “Yes, Ma’am.”, but of course, it came out sounding like “Yeth Mommy” from around my binky; which made her chuckle again on her way back to the kitchen.

After we ate dinner, mom eased up quite a bit. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought that she felt bad about subjecting me to what she did that day. She also let me stay up late again so that we could watch a movie. I fell asleep about halfway through it, and just barely remember mom carrying me back to my room to lay me in my bed. I must have had another accident after I fell asleep, as the last thing I remember was mom changing me into a dry diaper and sliding the rhumbas back up over it; in spite of the fact that she said she wouldn’t!

True to her word, other than changing diapers and outfits of course, I stayed dressed like a toddler for the rest of the weekend. Thankfully, we didn’t go anywhere else; I’m not sure I would’ve been emotionally capable of dealing with any more humiliation than I had already. The following week of school wound up being fairly smooth, considering the situation. Until the day before the last day of school, when one of the girls in my class realized that the white shorts I was wearing were exactly like hers; a fact that she felt the need to share with the entire class. At least it didn’t happen until the last couple of hours before school let out, so I didn’t have to put up with too much teasing. The last day of school, however, was a completely different story. That was the day mom made me wear the bright pink shorts. Field day, as it was called, was basically a half a day of recess, get our report cards, and go home after lunch. Of course, being outside, the entire school could see what I was wearing! Including the one kid in my class that would bully me almost daily. I’d managed to keep the fact I was wearing diapers to school a secret all week; there was no way I would get found out on the last day of school after school was already out! I ran all the way home that day, never to be so glad to be back home where I couldn’t have anyone over or go outside!

By then, I had already gotten pretty used to wearing diapers all the time. Mom and I had a little talk a couple of days before on the subject changing wet diapers, and we agreed that there was no good reason for me to try to hold my bladder or ask to use the restroom. Since my diaper was more often wet than not when she changed me, and I was already being treated like a baby most of the time, I might as well wet my diaper like one. Mom also told me that when it was just the two of us, it was okay if I wanted to act like a baby. She said it reminded her of when I was actually little, and that it felt good to take care of me that way again. I secretly enjoyed not just wearing diapers, but being doted on like I was little again was just as fulfilling, somehow. In any case, I had been dry that morning, so mom had just kept me in the same diaper. She figured if worse came to worse, I would only be at school for 1/2 a day, and she would be home when I got there; as she had managed a rare day off from job number two. Needless to say, I was pretty wet by the time I got home that afternoon. Somehow, she already knew, and was ready and waiting with the necessary supplies to change me into a clean diaper; saving me the trouble and embarrassment of asking to be changed.

The step-monster was going to be gone again for the weekend, so I planned to take full advantage of the extra attention while I had the chance. My stepfather was an abusive sociopath with a penchant for humiliating me, and I knew once I was out of school, he was going to make my life absolute hell. By the end of that first week of summer break, I had managed to get my punishment extended until the end of the summer. Once it got to that point, it became about doing good to earn time Out of diapers. While I would do my best at whatever I was told to do and always got what time I was offered, but deep down, I couldn’t hardly wait to be diapered and babied again. I had also very quickly gotten over the initial humiliation of being dressed (and looking very much) like an actual girl, and started enjoying it secretly. Then, not so secretly at one point about halfway through the summer. It was on another shopping trip where it was just my mom and I. She was quite happy with me, as I hadn’t done anything that warranted punishment in several weeks; and so offered to buy me anything within a specific price range as a reward. Then original plan in my mind was to make a beeline for the toy section and spend as much time as possible deciding what to get with my allotment. I didn’t make it as far as the toy section of the store, because on my way through the girls’ section something caught my eye. It was basically a pair of overalls with a pleated skirt attached at the waist instead of pant legs. It was almost an exact match to an outfit I’d seen a girl in my class wear a few times earlier in the year; the only difference was that the one I was looking at was dark blue jean material versus her light blue one. On closer inspection, I saw that the normal price was well outside my price range; but was on sale for nearly half off. Which Was within my price range. I took the first one off the rack and held it up to me only to be disappointed that it was too small. About 2/3 of the way through the rack, I found one in what looked to be my size, and I silently rejoiced. I didn’t know why, I just knew that I wanted that outfit more than anything else in the store at that moment. It took a few minutes to work up the courage to bring the outfit to my mom and tell her that it was what I wanted to get. While I was searching the store for her, I tried to think of every question she might ask me and how I would answer it. When I finally caught up with her and showed her the outfit, she just took it from me, looked at the tag to confirm it was in my price range, and asked me if I was positive if that was what I wanted. I was way too embarrassed to actually say anything, I just looked down and nodded my head, my face burning with embarrassment. To my surprise, she didn’t say another word; she just placed the overall skirt in her basket and continued on like it was a completely normal thing.

She kept my little purchase between the two of us, lest it become yet another thing for my step-father to humiliate me with. I wore that outfit every chance I got, which was quite a bit; considering how cute it looked with all the girlie clothes I had at the time. I would walk around the house just to make the skirt swish over my plastic pants; as I loved the sound of the crinkle underneath my skirt! The sense of pure excitement would be nearly overwhelming at times; excitement was the word I used then (before puberty) for the feeling of what I now know as being turned-on. While the rest of the summer went on the same way pretty much, minus a couple of surprises here and there (including being outed to my extended family about everything); there was one thing that neither my mom nor I planned for, or even intended. Shortly after we had the discussion about wet diapers, I basically put the automatic compulsion to seek a restroom upon feeling the urge to urinate out of my mind. This resulted in my becoming “un-potty-trained” so to speak. I was capable of holding my bladder…mostly…but after a month or so of being in diapers all the time, I pretty much forgot how to hold my bladder back altogether!

That wasn’t really any kind of issue; especially considering the fact that I wore diapers all day and night. No problem there, right? Except there was something else we didn’t think about; which was what would happen when my punishment ended and the diapers were gone. Not only had I “forgotten” how to hold my urine when I was awake, but I also woke up having wet more days of the week than not. The question of my needing diapers during waking hours was debatable at best; but there was no question that I needed to sleep in a diaper, since I woke up in a wet one quite often without having done so deliberately. Which is why there were always more bedtime diapers than daytime ones stocked in my drawer. That, and I wet far more often while awake than asleep. In any case, it was getting down to the wire; I had only a few more days of punishment left to “endure”, and less than a month before school started.

What had been my secret stockpile of diapers in my dresser drawers had finally been almost depleted. For the first time since everything began, I had the same number of daytime diapers as overnights…two of each. I did my absolute best not to think about it that day; as it was, I was still trying to process all the new emotions I had experienced while being forced to wear and use diapers dressed as a little girl. Now that my new routine was about to be drastically disrupted yet again, I just couldn't bear the thought of having to give up the one thing in my life that provided me just the smallest modicum of safety and security! While I had managed to earn back some of my freedom during the day, nights were a totally different story. If anything, I became even more dependent upon diapers at night, and not just in a physical sense; but also an emotional one. To the point that when I came to the realization that I had less than 2 days worth of diapers; I started panicking. I had less than 2 days to re-learn bladder control while I was awake, which I knew to be viturally impossible for a variety of reasons. Then I started thinking about the bedwetting, and that clenched it.

I instantly became a sobbing wreck, lapsing into what I now know to be a panic attack; but I had zero idea what was making me feel that way. Oddly enough, I had been dry that morning for the first time in nearly a week. As usual when that occurred, she usually kept me in the same diaper until I actually needed to be changed. Yet here I was, wide awake, and for the first time in nearly 2 months, I actually felt my bladder spasm with the urge to pee; and could do absolutely nothing to stop it, in spite of my best efforts! To think that I was sitting there crying, sucking my thumb, and uncontrollably wetting a diaper just like a baby because, why? Because I was almost out of diapers! All that time, I had been telling myself that I had been forced to wear diapers against my will; so what was wrong with making the best of it? When in all reality, I wasn’t being forced to put on my animal print plastic panties and denim overall skirt by anybody; there was nobody home. Apparently, I did that all on my own whenever I had an accident at home.

What had started out as semi-innocent curiosity had evolved into first compulsion, then to obsession, and on further to what was essentially addiction. The sad part was that I wasn’t even completely out of my drug of choice yet, and I was already having withdrawals! I no longer just Wanted to wear diapers, I NEEDED to be in a thick, crinkly diaper. My diaper. It was a totally weird, even alien to think about; but, at the same time, it felt…Right. In a way that I had no words for at the time. What was wrong with me?? Did I just admit to myself that I actually Enjoyed being put in a diaper all the time? I did indeed. I also knew that I had become mostly dependent upon them; which meant that I would need to be re-potty trained before I would be able to stop wearing diapers completely. Which also meant that I had a viable reason to ask my mom to buy at least a few more diapers for me. All that was left was to work up the courage to talk to mom about it. When she got home that evening, I immediately went to work on my plan. I made sure that I was nearly to the point of leaking when she arrived, that way, she would likely change my diaper as soon as she got settled in.

She had gone shopping on the way home that night, and wanted me to bring in the bags from the car. Thankfully, she changed me before I did so; which gave me the opportunity to broach the subject with her. As soon as she reached into what was now my diaper drawer, I mentioned that I noticed my supply was getting low; and asked about what would happen when I ran out completely. When she replied that things would be going back to normal somewhat, in preparation for the move to a new house. She also told me that since I would be starting at a new school, I would have a chance to start with a clean slate. Well, the speech I had planned had just been bombed out of the water before it even got started. The only thing I had left was the one thing I didn’t want to use: the truth. I proceeded to spill my guts about the whole mini-epiphany I’d had earlier that day, and started to get spun up into quite the anxiety attack. Before that could happen, mom spoke up and told me to go get the stuff out of the car before everything cold was melted and useless, once that was done, we would continue the conversation. As it turned out, there was nothing cold in the car, only 2 big bags from the pharmacy that I had been used to seeing the whole summer. Upon bringing them in and into my room to restock, mom came in to explain that she knew I would need more than a few days to get used to using the bathroom again. To that end, she had purchased a package each of both regular daytime diapers as well as the “special order” overnight diapers that I had gotten used to wearing to bed; ones with childish prints that were just like baby diapers, except for the size. Once they were placed properly in my dresser, I asked to be changed into one of my overnights, so I would have an excuse to put on one of my favorite jammies outfits. As it turned out, I didn’t need the excuse; mom intuited what I had on my mind and already had everything at the ready!

I was able to get re-trained during the day within just a few days; whereas it took a little while longer to stay dry at night. When I had gone through all the overnight diapers, I started wearing what was left of the supply of daytime diapers that I had left over. Not very long after those ran out, I not only moved, but wound up leaving the state altogether to go live with my uncle and grandmother. I didn’t have so much as another thought about diapers after that summer, for many many years.

The End.