therapy chapter 2

At home after my first appointment, my wife and I read over the material Stephany gave me. Most of it wasn't substantially different from things we read in many of the books we had gotten, but the way it was worded, it gave us a positive and encouraging feeling about my problem. My wife was supportive and happy I was seeking help, and for the first time in several weeks, she was understanding and patient when we tried again (unsuccessfully) for me to get an erection that night.

My subsequent visits to the therapist became easier. After the first two or three sessions, I was comfortable enough with her so that she was able to get me to talk about my sexual experiences as a child, and about the fantasies I had then and now. Once I started sharing this intimate sexual material with her, she urged me not to reveal the content of our sessions to my wife "until you've been able to put all of this behind you," as she put it.

I told her that this made me uncomfortable, as my wife and I were quite open with each other. The therapist replied that this is a very good sign for me, and explained that openness with ones partner is the key to a good sexual relationship. But she added that the techniques she uses require us to establish a "very private, inviolable bond between client and therapist," during this stage of our work, and that she would be happy to write reports to my wife that would keep her satisfied that I was making satisfactory progress.

This didn't feel good to me, and I told her so, but she was able to convice me to go along with her requirements. I again got that strange feeling that she deeply understood me like no one ever had, and this persuaded me to yield to her request.

That day, I brought the note home to my wife, and we read it together. It was a clinical-sounding report explaining that I was making satisfactory progress, and that it was essential at this stage that I don't discuss anything about my "condition" outside of the theraputic environment. The therapist stated that we should stop all sexual contact for the next "several weeks". She added that if my wife's needs became too strong, "masturbation is an effective and perfectly acceptable way to deal with this temporary situation." I felt nervous when we were reading this, but my wife seemed to have no problem with it and accepted it without question. She had already taken up masturbation, and she actually seemed relieved to be getting support for it from the doctor.

I felt relieved about this, as well, and this made me guilty. The next few sessions I discussed my guilt with the therapist, and after a while she had me convinced that I had nothing to worry about. "After all," she said during one session, "you'll get to discuss all this with your wife once you get past your so-called 'problem', and you'll see that it just brings you closer together."

By then, I was accepting everything she was saying without reservation.

A few more sessions went by. By now, I was openly discussing my most intimate sexual thoughts and desires with the therapist. I told her about things I never admitted to anyone. She was professional, gentle, and supportive of everything I told her. Every week or so she'd send me home with another of her reports to my wife explaining that everything was going well and that I still shouldn't discuss anything about my "condition." My wife never questioned any of this and just went on happily with her masturbation.

It was then that I started to notice a change. At first it was subtle, but soon, it was undeniable: I was beginning to get sexually aroused during my sessions. The therapist didn't seem to be doing anything to cause this, but more and more I was noticing her in a sexual way. As I'd speak to her, I'd notice her gorgeous legs or perhaps her full but firm breasts under her top, and I'd start to feel the beginnings of an erection. This would scare me so much that I'd panic, causing my arousal to thankfully dissipate.

This went on for two or three sessions without her seeming to notice it. But then one day when I was getting particularly aroused and uncomfortable, she suddenly interrupted what I was talking about and said, "Let your penis get hard. Don't fight it."

The fact that she caught me getting turned on filled me with shame and extreme embarrassment. I'm sure I turned bright red, and I began to stammer nervously, "Um ... wha- what do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," she replied gently but firmly. "You're beginning to get turned on by me, and I don't want you to fight it."

I protested vehemently and denied everything. But she was just as firm about insisting that she knew what I was going through and that if I expected to "get past this difficulty", I would have to be honest with her and acknowledge the effects she was having on me. "All of them," she added in no uncertain terms.

I argued some more, but after a few minutes she had skillfully broken down my resistance. Grudgingly at first, I admitted that I indeed found her sexually arousing, and that I had been trying hard to fight the realization of this.

She explained that this was normal and that it was part of "the program". She calmly explained that her techniques involved a process where she would "slowly work myself deeper and deeper into your sexual being so that I can then use my skill and expertise to build up your arousal in a new and powerful way that I'm sure you've never experienced before. This will allow you to not only work through your current, minor sexual difficulties, but in addition, I will guide you to sexual heights you never thought were possible."

With that, she paused and looked at me calmly, waiting for me to reply. As she was speaking, I felt a strange calmness and security, and I noticed my sexual arousal returning. I still fought it, but not as fervently as before. After a moment or two, I replied that I was very unsure and nervous about all this, and I felt quite guilty that she was the one I was getting aroused with instead of my wife.

She explained to me that this was quite normal, and that now that I reached this new stage in my therapy, I was well on the way to recovering my ability to get aroused by my wife. We discussed this for a while, with her finally saying, "I assure you that these new heights of sexual pleasure I will show you will be something that you'll be able to take back home to your wife -- if you so choose."

Her "if you so choose," left me with a vague sense of uneasiness, but her calming and intimate manner caused me to forget my concerns. She then said that my current sitution is a key stage in my therapy and it is very delicate. She went on to say that she would call my wife after our session and, as she put it, "make sure she doesn't disrupt things."

When she said that, she gave an intimate, almost conspiritorial look, and I felt myself responding with a more powerful feeling of sexual arousal than I had felt for her up until then. She noticed it and added in a soft, almost seductive voice, "Don't fight the pleasure I'm causing in your penis. Let it grow. Let it get long and hard for me."

I felt a wave of fear go through me, but I felt myself yielding to her words. Soon, I had an erection, and it was pushing out the front of my pants.

"See," she said softly and gently. "With the right person and the right stimulation, you don't have a problem at all. But you're still in the early stages of this new sexual world I'll be teaching you about. Starting next session, your training will begin in earnest. This is the end of our time today. I'll see you next Friday."

With that, she did something she hadn't ever done before: she got up and walked out of the room. Usually, she just stayed in her seat as I left. As she walked away, I was fixated on her ass and hips, which she seemed to seductively gyrate. I assumed it was all in my aroused imagination.