A late blooming Flower My road to femination

This is my story; it is all true and has been carefully crafted so as to hide certain identities and locations Now I am accepting my true self I felt the need to put down in words some of my feelings and experiences. And how I came to make the decisions I did.
Now I look back on it there has always been something of the girl about me, right from when I was young. Now let me do a bit of scene setting from the past before we get onto where I am now.
As a kindergarten age kid I owned a doll not the GI Joe or Action man type but a girly doll I loved playing with. Oh yes I had Action man too but at school I wanted to play with the dolls house and play shop rather then do boy things. Don’t get me wrong I also had ‘healthy boy habits too I played with toy cars and train sets but rarely played outside of my own back yard with a few close friends mainly girls.
After leaving Kindergarten and moving on two schools I met a girl who became my girlfriend up until I was 18 well I say girlfriend it was nothing more then a title as to this day I have never really dated a girl. But I remember one time playing with her Doctors and nurses (The innocent version) and she had a nurse’s uniform I wanted to wear it, I don’t know it just seemed right but she would not let me. I went off in a huff about that I seem to recall.
After that little incident I lived out my time as a normal pre teen boy quite happily with no more thoughts of girl things.
It was when I was when I was 13 that the next thing to happen to me that would influence they way I feel now took place.
I am English and was lucky enough to win a scholarship to a private school that my parents otherwise could not have afforded to send me when I was 11. We have moved on 2 years from that point though and I have become a monitor (junior prefect) and was taking advantage of the extra half hour I was allowed to stay up in the prefect’s room.
I was sitting minding my own business in an armchair (the type you used to find in Hospital waiting area the ones made of vinyl with wooden arms on a metal frame. I was reading a music magazine when without warning felt something being thrown over my head until it reached my chest I looked down to see it was a crepe bandage and I was being securely tied to the chair around my Torso. It had happened so fast I was unable to react. I then felt the person tie each of my wrist to the arms all the time being told to look ahead and don’t scream. It turned out to be one of the senior Prefects named Peter I recognised his voice.
He said “we are going to play a game and I am sure you will like I”.
I was petrified but did as I was commanded to do. He then came round in front of me and unloosened his big member. He motioned for me to take it in my mouth. I protested but he said he would make my life hell in the House if I didn’t so I took him and he began to thrust. I an not sure what I felt, yes I was still scared but it did not seem that big a deal to do and I kept up the work until he shot into my mouth. I don’t know after that he made me tea and toast and released me from my binds. My mind was confused beyond belief, Scared bewildered but a seed had been planted
I returned to my dormitory and lay in bed there was something nagging me I felt bad about what had happened but at the same time though I actually liked what I had done Over the next few weeks Peter sought me out and I continued to relieve his sexual tensions.
The reason I am telling you this stuff is two seeds were planted that night
The first was that I liked to give blow jobs. Funny during what I did over the next 4 years I never considered myself Gay To me you were only Gay if you were penetrated).
The second was that I realised I had gotten a thrill out of being tied up and have had a healthy interest in bondage ever since (but never again have I succumbed) and that I like being Submissive
During the rest of my time at the School I gave quite a few boys blow jobs and eventually when I was 17 succumbed to being penetrated though still didn’t consider I was gay.
About this time and possibly triggered from the above I was at home on one of the various holidays I was 15 I seem to recall Mum was out and I decided to rummage in my mums bedroom draws Where I found here Lingerie Not sure why I chose to do that but I did. So I tried on a pair of Panties and a bra not at the same time but one after the other. Do know they turned me on so I replaced them in the drawer and went and relieved the tension. On other occasions I tried on some of my sisters clothes but as she was younger then me they were too small. But every time I did I got a thrill.
Typical of me though I again never followed through on this but seed one was starting to germinate. I guess I never followed through on any of this because of my submissive nature and desire to please people especially my mother. Don’t get me wrong she was never domineering. It was all in my own head ‘Don’t do this or don’t do that in case mum disapproves – I found out later in life some of the things I wanted to do but never did or did in secret she would have approved of.)
Again I reverted back to type with the occasional blow job along the way until I was 22.
A whole new world opened up to me then.
I went clubbing for the first time, left home and came out Gay (More on this later when we come up to now) and so I was set fair
After a bit of a false start (getting barred from two Gay bars because they thought I was a Rent boy whereas I was just bloody naive.) and started to have regular sex The Fem seed grew a bit. One day in London when I bought a see through Indian top with coloured spangles in it and would regularly wear it to London clubbing along with some American native beads and bangles. But not around my home town for fear of ridicule or someone attacking me as I live in a vary working class city that has vary set ideas on what a man should look like.
Funny looking back on this I never considered my self a cross dresser TV or anything else. I liked the top so bought it. I can be impulsive like that. I also had some Pink trousers and Red Leather Jeans


There was a shift though as I now consciously started to look at woman’s clothes admiringly then at my own rather plump body and would groan. You see I really desperately would loved to have worn the tight denim or leather mini skirts or some of the other clothes, but they were not for me my mind would say, You don’t want to look like Divine or some cheap Drag Queen do you. So as usual I just carried on with my life. May I say it has not been to bad a life some ups and some downs. I still feel like this about clothes and make up but to a decreasing degree as my new found confidence builds
Now back to coming out Gay I had a succession of boyfriends during my 20’s and 30’s but sex for me was a bit weird and still is.
Not the sex itself that is fine sort of. but the way my mind reacts to it I am afraid because of this the sex is a bit mechanical at times except when I am giving a blow job Foreplay can be stunning though. The problem is the way I see myself having sex All starts fine but as the act continues I loose interest not because of anything my partner is doing but because of how I feel.
How can I explain this?
My mind wants me to be penetrated but not as a man penetrating a man but as a man penetrating me as a woman so then the thought of doing it man on man just becomes another chore to deal with.
I often fantasize this as well I picture myself being taken man on man initially but as things heighten I magically transform into a woman and have wild sex as a woman in the appropriate anatomical areas this pleases me loads
I am definitely not straight the thought of having sex with a woman abhors me totally in the same way a straight gut would look at gay sex.
The net result these days is I turn down virtually all sexual advances and stick to pleasuring myself but that is another problem lol I enjoy it don’t get me wrong but I don’t want to, well not with male bits anyway. There’s not much there so losing them would be no great loss in my mind. And the thought of being pleasured as a woman for real I find exciting. Though as things stand I cant see me going the whole hog, but as things have happened so fast and some of what has happened even I would never have entertained a year ago.
Right this brings us up to date
Back in about July last year I was bored and found a site on ABDL Hypnotism so thought I would take a look, my usual enquiring mind and even downloaded some files I was Sceptical that this stuff would work but hey ho in for a penny in for a pound.
Well I got a surprise the inductions started to take effect after about a fortnight of listening and I felt the desire to buy diapers and would occasionally let go in them but I wasn’t really that interested in ABDL . I saw on their links page a link to another site and took a look
I looked at some of the ABDL files but thought they were a bit heavy Then moved on to the bondage submissive files downloaded a few of them and had a bit of fun some worked some didn’t. Then I found the feminisation files Oh dear! Now I was like a kid in a sweetshop.
Firs of all I tried the female orgasm file for men. Christ what a file and yes it worked wonders for me I was hooked. So I signed up for their premium files and that’s when things really started to happen.
I have listened to quite a few. Some the subject matter I thought was to implausible for my mind to accept but they were fun to listen to they were mainly curse files (Submissive seed raises its head).
As I listen more and more (please note I am now using the present tense
Subtle changes have taken place, maybe not as each file has directed, but my mind has taken on bits of each. I a now interchanging files daily as I listen before sleep and sometimes before I get up each morning.
At first it started with buying woman’s jeans rather then men’s, then a desire to lose weight (50 pounds so far.) As I listen larger sections of files are beginning to take hold.
I suddenly got an urge to buy female tops bras and panties then make up. My head is now spinning what is going on here this defies all my previous barriers. Next I have had the desire to buy woman’s shoes.
Dresses came next. Then one day a bizarre thought entered my head I had to ditch all my male underwear except a few items for visiting or Doctors visits otherwise it is girly panties now full time
Then there came the desire to be rid of my male T Shirts again apart from a few that were brand new and wear only female ones and other feminine tops. Finally the Hormones.
To think despite my past flirting with fem things Hormones never ever came on the radar but here I am just over three months into taking them. As I look I have gained some small mounds on my chest area nothing big yet about a handful in size and my nipples have grown slightly but become more sensitive
So hear we are dear Reader As I write I am hooked on hypno Fulmination files I wear only female clothes out of work.
AT this time usually jeans T shirt panties and bra I will wear a little eye make up lip gloss and nail varnish (on fingers and toes) I even have the confidence to go to a bar like this possibly because unless people look closely my fulmination i isn’t yet that obvious so I am becoming more comfortable with what is happening
I have the start of a breast which I love playing with and bizarrely my testicles have recently started to rise up inside of me for long periods I had not thought that possible.
I currently still look like a man as my confidence still needs boosting to finish the work off Need to grow my hair longer for starters as I look awful in a wig.
Compared to how I was a year ago my life has moved on irreversibly down the path of fulmination.
Maybe there is someone dominant in my life who wants to tend to this late bloom nurture it and see it through to show quality.