Helpless Addiction

I’m not really sure why I’m sharing this story here. Because this is kind of where it all started. Reading these stories... Well, it put all sorts of ideas in my head, and I don’t know if that’s why everything happened like it did. Maybe I always wanted it to happen, but didn’t understand how?

Anyway, I think this sort of thing made what happened... easier. Made it feel kind of... inevitable? All I know is, maybe sharing what happened in the same place where I got the thoughts that lead me to it, maybe that’ll help me. Find someone, or think of something. That can help.

So, here’s the story.

Monica didn’t know I’d been reading stories, or was into “hypnosis” at all. To her, it was just a funny thing to do on YouTube. That’s all it had been for me, too, until we watched enough videos of other girls watching videos that were supposed to be hypnotizing them, and it had made me feel weird enough that I’d started staying up late googling for info about hypnosis, and then I started finding the fiction about it, and omigod, it made me really hot.

I never expected that, or suspected that’s why I was so fascinated by the videos. I don’t know if Monica was watching them for any reason other than they were funny, but I’d been imagining myself “falling victim” in the girls’ place, and some of the videos really were clearly meant to capture victims, whether the people watching them and falling asleep or laughing knew it or not.

After I spent a few nights reading stories instead of watching videos, I started imagining myself falling victim to something much deeper and much more complete than some silly video of a spiral with a robotic voice telling you to become a “ro-butt”.

So I think Monica and I were in very different places when the idea came up about us recording a video. I think she just thought it would be funny, and it’s nice to get noticed, and get comments. And I was thinking it might be something else. It might start out funny, and end up serious. And we might get noticed by someone who’d take control of us, and we might get commands, instead of comments.

Not like I really wanted that to happen. But if Monica started recording with the fantasy of being popular, I started recording with the fantasy of being hypnotized into someone’s power.

The first thing we had to do was find the right video, so we started watching a load of them. They’re easy to find: just look for an animated spiral and words appearing on top of it, or some guy’s usually raspy voice, or a digitized voice that sounds kind of alien and frightening until it mangles some ordinary word, and then it’s just ridiculous.

Ridiculous, but it didn’t always jar me out of trance. Even when Monica giggled.

The ones we started with were mostly just straightforward relaxation. You stared into the spiral for a while, and were told to breathe slowly and relax, and the more you stared the more you’d relax, and go deeper, and so on. These were pretty boring, but usually did have the effect of conking us out: I’d sometimes jerk awake at the end having slumped on Monica’s shoulder, or having her pull her head off mine, which always ached afterwards. She drooled sometimes.

Sometimes you’d come across a “weird” video, which was called that because the person who made it wanted you to do something weird, like forget your name, or become a housecat, or become their slave. Now, the thing is, when we called it weird, Monica meant weird. I meant... kind of hot. The suggestions never really effected us much, I don’t think, at least I didn’t think that at the time. Sometimes we’d mumble something out loud when the video told us to, ironically I think Monica did this more than me, because I was self-conscious about wanting to do it. To blurt out “I will obey” in my sleepy voice as I slumped there and stared. It just seemed silly to her, so she’d do it.

I had a different idea about what was at stake.

We did a couple of those videos where it does a relaxation thing for a while, then at the end some horrible face appears on the screen and it screams. We hated those, and tried to avoid them. But, again, we had different reasons. Monica hated being scared, and felt like kind of an asshole. I did too, but I also felt kind of... disappointed. I liked being hypnotized, I was finding out, maybe as much as I liked reading about it.

So finally we decided to make our own video. We’d found a couple likely candidates that we could watch while recording ourselves, and Monica started a channel using our nicknames, “NickaAndEvey”.

Most of the commenters on our first video wanted to know which of us was which. In particular, they wanted to know which one was the one “with the big tits”. I’m afraid that was me. The other one, that was Monica, they advised to “get some”.

People are pathetic. I don’t know what else we expected. But it was when the requests to do other videos came in that things started getting... interesting.

Usually what would happen is, someone would leave a comment about how we really looked hypnotized, or were obviously good subjects, or something, but should have done X or Y, from walk around like zombies, to show our bare feet, or just take all our clothes off. Hmm. But then some of them linked to hypnosis videos they’d made, and requested us to put up a video of us watching their thing. So we did.

Those videos were almost always the “weirder” kind, since obviously the people who made them wanted to see us carry out whatever commands they’d put in there. We were game for some of them (I didn’t want to admit I was game for some of the ones Monica just scoffed at). And there were a couple where we did let ourselves fall into a trance and follow suggestions, like the one where we were told to let our arms float up in the air like they were tied to balloons, and then have them come down and pat our heads and rub our stomachs at the same time. We did, and it so happens we were perfectly in synch, which was pretty damn funny on the video: both of us staring blankly, faces lit up by the screen, doing a trick we all learned in second grade.

We got a lot of comments on that one. Some of them told us we looked hot doing that at the same time, like identical robot slaves, or something. I don’t think they actually used those words... But that’s what I thought, when I thought about it.

What I imagined next was being told my hands should both float over to my breasts, and rub them around and around in spirals that would make me fall deeper...

I’d read too many stories at that point, definitely. I’m sure I read that exact same scene somewhere, it’s just now I was so close to it happening to me. I could even watch a video of myself, pretty much inches away from living out what had recently become my favorite fantasy.

I started to re-watch the video, and then re-watch the video that we’d been watching, and then when I finally went to bed, I just stared into the dark, imagining a spiral, playing with myself and trying not to moan too loud when I whispered “I obey”.

So I guess this basically sets the stage for when we found the video that really worked. Of the dozens of hypnosis videos out there, I think we’d become pretty much familiar with them all. So we noticed this one was new. It was called something like “Helpless Addiction Hypnosis”, which was maybe redundant in my case, but it sure turned out to be true. The animation was very well done, with a smooth pink and blue spiral that kind of glowed in pulses while you watched it, and a soothing voice that had me in a trance very quickly, without even really remembering what it had said.

It must have put Monica under right away too. I usually look over at her at some point to see if she’s feeling a video like I am, and because I do kind of get a guilty thrill to see she’s going under also, like it confirms that I’m really going to be hypnotized, but for this new video I really couldn’t look away from the screen at all after like the first few seconds.

The video didn’t really make us do very much. Even though I didn’t remember anything but the spiral and the soft rhythm of the voice (but not its words) and the kind of weird music that was playing, we watched our recording later and it was just us staring at the screen. Even though a lot of the videos made us sleepy, and at some point our eyes closed and we slumped over (especially when there was a voice, since you didn’t have to watch and read text), for this one we both ended up sitting up very straight and staring with very wide eyes at the screen. Our mouths were closed... until at one point we both started repeating very softly, “I want to be hypnotized. I like to be hypnotized. It’s easy to be hypnotized. It’s so easy to be hypnotized.” We did that over and over for a while, until the cadence of it almost hypnotized me again just watching it. The idea of a video of me hypnotized putting myself under hypnosis was incredibly hot. I’m probably just lucky the recording, for some reason, didn’t pick up the vocals of the induction this time.

Anyway, I already knew I was very susceptible to hypnosis. I must have been, because I kept wanting it to happen to me. The reason I started to think things were going to a strange place was, Monica was starting to get more into it. I don’t mean she also found it hot, at least I don’t think so, but she told me she felt like she was really going under, not just kind of half going along with the videos, like before. She also said she’d been watching the “Helpless Addiction Hypnosis” video some more, and wondered if I had been, too. She said it made her feel really good.

For whatever reason, I hadn’t been watching it. But when I imagined the video programming her to convince me to watch it some more, well... Whether that was true or not, pretty soon I was watching it, and masturbating right there in the chair when I woke up, every single night.

Then one day Monica calls me up. “Evey,” she says, like she wanted to tell me a secret, “something weird happened last night.”

I thought back to what I had done last night with a guilty thrill. “What?” I asked.

“I watched that video again when Scott was over.”

Scott was her boyfriend. And he seemed like an okay guy, but I wasn’t his biggest fan. Whenever we met, and especially if Monica wasn’t in the room, he’d give me this look. You know this look, especially if you’re well-endowed: it’s the look like he’s so proud of himself for not just staring right down at my boobs. And sometimes he’d slip, and do that, too.

So Scott always kind of put me off. And now Monica was telling me she’d been hypnotized right in front of him. I don’t know what I thought just then, but it had to be some kind of mixture of hot fantasy and real fear.

I’d rather not think about what that says about me.

“Oh,” was all I could think to say. “are you okay, Nicka? Did something happen?”

“Well, I wanted to show him what we’d been doing, I figured he’d get a kick out of it. So I watched the addiction video, and when I woke up, he was looking at me really strange. I asked him what was up, but he wouldn’t really say anything, he just kept wanting me to try watching the video again. So, finally, I did.”

The fear/fantasy feeling, whatever it was, was growing. “So what happened?” I asked, and immediately hoped I didn’t sound too eager.

“Well, I... I went down on him. I think I was still hypnotized or something!”

See, Monica and I, we’d both been with a couple guys at this point, but neither of us had ever given a blowjob. I didn’t know how I felt about it, but Monica was sure: she wouldn’t hear of it. Her boyfriends had asked her, she’d said, and she’d always said no. But now she thought Scott must have asked while she was hypnotized. And she’d gone and done it. She didn’t remember it that well, she said their night together was fuzzy like she’d had a lot to drink, but she definitely gave him head.

Part of me was tempted to ask her how it was... But horny fantasies hadn’t made me totally insensitive. I asked her if she was okay, and what she wanted to do. Did she need to take a break from Scott for a while? And the videos, for that matter? She wasn’t sure, it all seemed so drastic, she said.

I didn’t tell her what I thought, or imagined, anyway: that Scott didn’t ask her while she was hypnotized, he told her. That the “Helpless Addiction” might really be happening, that the pretty pink spiral was making her - making us - more vulnerable to being hypnotized, and being controlled while we were.

I certainly didn’t tell her, didn’t want to admit to myself, that I found that thought more sexy than anything I’d ever thought before.

Now, Monica had said something at the beginning of the call, and I never really realized its significance until later: she’d wanted to tell Scott what we’d been up to. We. Her and me.

Over the next few days, Monica told me she’d thought about telling Scott off over what he did, how she felt like he’d taken advantage of her. But the funny thing is, she didn’t do that. She’d continued to watch the video, and now it had kind of become this sex game they played, though neither of them acknowledged they were doing it. Monica’s passive - or “helpless” - acceptance sent erotic chills through me. And, even though I knew it might be dangerous, I kept watching the video, too.

One day, Scott showed up at my place. It didn’t occur to me why he was there, not consciously, anyway. “Nicka sent me over to give you something,” he said. I invited him in. And maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but accusing him of hypnotizing Monica and making her do things, and that he was planning to do the same to me... It was too crazy an idea to say out loud, and how much of a freak would I look like if it wasn’t true.

We were standing in the little front hall and he pulled out his phone. Some part of me had a growing certainty what was about to happen, and my legs felt a little weak. I leaned against the closet door as he unlocked the phone, held it up so I could see the video that he’d already loaded on there, tapped it to play...

Even though it was on a tiny screen, the pink and blue spiral seemed to expand to fill my vision. I didn’t say anything, make any protest. I just stared down at it. When he lifted it up to be level with my eyes, I raised my head to watch. The voice and pulsing sound were tinny and distant, coming out the little speakers of his phone, but it didn’t matter. I was reciting the words, words I never could remember, in my head. I was hypnotizing myself, because I so wanted to be hypnotized. And it was so easy to be hypnotized.

Scott held up the phone as he walked me into my living room, and imagining what I must have looked like as I followed, weak and spellbound, only made me fall deeper into the fantasy. He lowered the phone and I came down with it, sitting next to him on the edge of the couch. My mind was going more and more blank, but I sort of understood what was going to happen. I had no will to resist it, the video told me, or Scott told me, or I told myself. Even if I had a will, I didn’t want to resist. I was being hypnotized into a slave, I was falling under someone’s control, and it was too hot to make myself stop.

And after that, the thing about this fantasy is, it’s perfectly okay not to stop. After all, you can’t help yourself. So whether I wanted to give Scott, or anyone, head, that’s what I did. First I got on my knees. Scott stayed on the couch, and undid his pants. His prick was already pretty hard, and I sucked it into my mouth, barely aware of what I was doing, staring at the screen he kept turned to face me. Not really knowing how to do what I’d been told to do, I just started bobbing my head up and down, trying to keep my lips tight around his cock, and that seemed to be enough, for a while.

Scott had his hand on the back of my head, and I was blowing him pretty fast, when suddenly he told me to stop. I did, pulling my head back, kind of dizzy but pleasantly able to focus on the spiral that he still held up in front of me. But now he told me the spiral was going to go away for a while. But that was okay, because I was so deeply and helplessly hypnotized that I could just imagine the spiral and keep going deeper and obeying him, even after he put his phone on the coffee table. He’d clearly had practice with the whole hypnotic suggestion thing, and of course, I had no will or desire to resist him.

So he had me strip, and I did, and he checked out my body for a while, but of course it was my tits he really wanted. So he had me lie down on the couch, my head propped up on pillows, and he told me to squeeze my boobs around his dick so he could fuck them, and that I should suck on the tip at the same time.

I’d never done anything this elaborate before, but it didn’t matter. I just followed his instructions, and soon he was pumping between my breasts, playing with my nipples as I squeezed them around him, felt his shaft forcing its way between, over and over so the tip just touched my lips, and I licked and sucked obediently. When he was finally ready to come, He sat back slightly, straddling me, and stroked hard and fast until hot white drops splashed on my cheek, my neck, and over my breasts, slipping down into the deep cleft I’d created by pushing them together. He hadn’t told me to stop doing that, so I hadn’t.

After that Scott made me look at the spiral some more, and let it finish its work. He told me I wasn’t allowed to tell Monica about this, as if I could bring myself to anyway, and that I didn’t need to worry, I hadn’t done anything wrong, I was hypnotized and had to obey. That shouldn’t have comforted me as much as it did.

So. That was the first time I really got hypnotized and controlled. By my best friend’s boyfriend, who’d made me suck his cock. And I might be happy to have a weird fantasy come true, if spelling it out like that did didn’t sound so strange and horrible.

But it wasn’t over. The next time Scott hypnotized me, he used his phone again. I was over at Monica’s place, and so was he, which I hadn’t known until I showed up. Monica was in the shower. And at first, I wouldn’t go near him, but he started the video on his phone again, and didn’t even have to show it to me. As soon as I heard it, I found myself going over to where he sat, on his girlfriend’s couch, and I knelt down so I could see the spiral as he held it near his lap.

“Helpless Addiction Hypnosis”. It was well-named.

He made me give him a blowjob again, and there was more fantasy/fear than before, knowing that maybe Monica would come out, wrapped in a towel, and see me going down on her boyfriend. And I wasn’t sure what was a hotter way to imagine it: being helpless to stop myself, even as she protested, or if she didn’t protest at all, because Scott had already hypnotized her not to notice.

Or, a tiny little part of me thought, that she’d drop her towel on the ground, helpless herself, and kneel beside me, like we were making another video, but now she was naked and obedient.

I really don’t want to think what that one says about me.

None of that happened, and Scott came fast this time, and then I still wasn’t allowed to tell Monica what he’d done to me (and what I’d done to him, as though I could even bear to).

I made up some reason I couldn’t stay, feeling guilty both for being unable to resist my fantasy, and for leaving Monica alone with Scott. And for being kind of turned on at the thought of what he was making her do.

Anyway, I have no idea if Scott will stop, or if I’ll be able to stop him. I get the feeling blowjobs aren’t gonna be enough for him forever, and he’ll want to fuck me soon. And I don’t think I can resist it anymore than I’ve been able to resist hypnosis for a long time... I didn’t need Helpless Addiction Hypnosis to make me addicted. I already was. And what makes me truly helpless is how hot it is to be addicted. Even now, having just written it, all I want to do is read this story again, and imagine it happening, again, and get myself off.

Again. Just like every other night.