How to Stop Feeling Guilty

The fluorescent lights weren't as irritating as people make them out to be, Jon thought. He'd been staring at them for a while, didn't hurt much at all really. He ran his finger along the leather couch, it was real leather, very soft. Then he thought that doing so made it seem like he wasn't paying attention, and maybe he'd leave fingerprints on the couch too. He felt incredibly guilty about it, he wanted to punch himself in the face. This was why he was there, after all. His horrible, incredible, toxic guilt.

Dr. Swarthson wrote something down. What did he write down? Jon hadn't said anything, was he writing down that Jon wasn't paying attention? Maybe he saw Jon's face contort from guilt and thought he was reacting to something that Dr. Swarthson had said. This was Jon's fifth week of therapy and he was still thinking like this, he felt guilty for not recovering, for making Dr. Swarthson do all this work without any results. At night, Jon would rethink everything that happened in his life and distort it into something that was wrong and his fault. He probably didn't even properly remember most of his life, and he felt guilty about that too. If there were times that other people held really close that he couldn't remember because he distorted the memories into something that he could feel guilty over. He doubted, however, that anyone actually held any memories involving him close. As far as he could remember, he'd only ever fucked up and made things worse for people.

Jon realized that he actually wasn't paying attention to Dr. Swarthson. He'd gotten lost in his thoughts, his self-pity and guilt. He tuned himself back to what Dr. Swarthson was saying.

". . .gnition therapy doesn't seem to be working. So I was thinking we could try another type of therapy," said Dr. Swarthson.

"Another type?" said Jon

"Yes, I was thinking that we could try hypnotherapy?" said Dr. Swarthson. Jon wasn't actually sure about hypnotherapy, but he didn't want to shut down Dr. Swarthson's idea, so he agreed to try it. Dr. Swarthson was probably smarter and more qualified anyway so it wasn't Jon's place to disagree.

Jon was lead down an induction. He felt very relaxed, all he thought about was Dr. Swarthson's words. They seemed to pierce into the deepest parts of his mind. Dr. Swarthson wasn't actually using hypnotherapy, he was using hypnosis, but the tactics he was about to use would have made him flunk his exam for a hypnotherapy license. That's saying a lot too, since getting licensed is so easy you have to be actively trying to fail.

"Jon, you will find it very easy for you to answer me as open and honestly as possible. Understand?"
"Ya"
"Okay, when you feel guilty, is it always for things that you've actively done?"
"Huh?"
"Do you sometimes feel guilty for things that you didn't do?"
"Ya, they're my fault though."
"Why?"
"I could have done something, and I didn't, so it's really my fault."
"No, Jon, it's not your fault."
"Huh?"
"Jon, you are going to find that everything I say is true, my words will go deep into your mind and root themselves in you as the truthiest truths you could ever believe. You will be completely convinced of the things I tell you. Completely unwavering in your belief of my words. Understand?"
"Ya"
"Okay, I want you to imagine a dog barking. Can you tell me what a dog sounds like?"

Jon barked, his best dog impression.

"Okay, perfect. You're going to find that whenever I say 'speak' you're going to uncontrollably bark, just like you did just then. When you hear me say 'speak' you bark, you can't help it. And you're also going to find, that when I say 'sleep' you're going to fall back down into this deep relaxed hypnotized state. When you hear me say 'sleep' your eyes immediately shut back down and you fall into trance quicker than you can even process the meaning of the word. The meaning of the word 'sleep' when I say it, is that you will sleep deep into trance, that's what it means to you. Now I'm going to wake you up on the count of three, 1, 2, 3."

Jon woke up.

"How are you feeling?" said Dr. Swarthson.
"Fine," said Jon.
"Speak." Jon barked.
"What? I just, what?"
"I suggested to you that whenever I say 'speak' " Jon barked "you would bark like a dog. You can't control it. You can try not to but it's uncontrollable."
"Really?"
"Yup, speak!" Jon barked.
"Speak!" Jon barked.
"Huh, that's so funny, I actually just can't help myself," said Jon.
"Exactly, now sleep," Jon's eyes closed, and he fell back down again.

"Deeper and deeper and deeper down. Remember, remember that feeling of not being able to help yourself. At one point, back there, I said speak" Jon barked "and just like that, you barked in the middle of my sentence. You interrupted me. Do you feel guilty about it?"
"Ya"
"Well, don't. It's not your fault, I made you do it. Hypnosis is just so powerful over you, it's not your fault for obeying a hypnotic command. You couldn't have resisted if you tried, so you really can't be blamed for it. So don't feel guilty. Whenever I make you bark, do it without remorse, feel no guilt when I say speak" Jon barked "Just like that. Now relax deeper and wait for a moment in silence. I'll be right back, and you can easily trust that I will come back shortly."

Dr. Swarthmore stood up and fetched a small glass of water. It was a plastic glass, unbreakable. He put the glass of water on a small wooden table next to the leather couch that Jon was laying down on. He then sat back down again.

"Now Jon, there is a small glass of water on the table near you. In a moment, I'm going to wake you up again. When I do, you are going to see the glass of water and think to take a drink. You will have no memory of what I've told you in trance. When you try to pick up the glass, you will stumble and knock it off the table, spilling the water on the carpet. But you are not going to feel guilty. Even though you won't remember that I've commanded you to do this, deep down inside you will still know that I made you do it, so you won't feel guilty. It's going to happen, no matter what you try to do to stop it, it's inevitable. Outside of you. You are completely under my control and you're going to spill the water on the carpet, and you will not feel guilty about it, because you know that I made you do it, understand?"
"ya"
"Okay, waking up on the count of three. One, two, three, wake up."

Jon opened his eyes. He blinked them a few times, then sat up more on the couch. He looked over and saw the glass of water. He reached for it, and then knocked it over onto the carpet. There was a loud smash, Dr. Swarthsmore took the wrong glass, and water and shards of glass got all over the carpet. The sound even startled Dr. Swarthsmore, but Jon had no reaction. He didn't even say sorry. He just looked at the glass on the floor and pulled his legs back onto the couch.

Dr. Swarthsmore was annoyed that he had to clean up the glass later, but he at least was glad that the suggestion had worked. He told Jon to lay back down and put him back into trance.

"Now Jon, I want you to remember what just happened. How you broke that glass of water, but didn't feel guilty about it. Because everything you did was suggested to you in hypnosis, every single part, down to the tiniest detail. You didn't remember that I commanded you to do it, but you know that it's true. That's why you didn't feel guilty. Because your life is so controlled by hypnosis, you are so obedient to hypnosis, that you know, deep down inside, that everything you do in life is because of hypnosis. Hypnosis just works so well, that you can attribute everything you do to a hypnotist. There are more hypnotists than just me, and they all love hypnotizing you. They make you forget what they've told you to do, so when you do things it seems like it was your idea, but deep down inside you know that they actually just planted the idea in your head. Everything you do was either directly commanded of you by a hypnotist, or is the byproduct of behaviors that you were hypnotized to have. Nothing you do or think is really your fault, you couldn't help it. You are completely helpless to hypnosis. You will still be a smart, moral person. All of your actions will still be humane and good, but you can know that everything you do and think is guided by hypnosis, so when you mess up or do something you might feel guilty over, you can instead find yourself feeling proud that you were so good at obeying a hypnotic command. You can still learn from mistakes, but you can feel good about your actions, because they aren't your actions, or your mistakes, they're the hypnotists'. The hypnotists have you recount your entire day to the when they hypnotize you, and then they learn from what happened and implant in your behaviors and commands that are better than last time, and then you forget that any of it happened, and still feel good about how things played out, because they happened exactly how the hypnotists wanted it to, and that makes you feel good. You love making hypnotists feel happy.

Now, I'm going to wake you up again, on the count of three, and when I do you will be very happy, very refreshed, very obedient to me, because I am a hypnotist, and you will remember nothing that has happened since I first put you under today. I will give you a brush and a dustpan, and you will clean up the shards of glass, and feel pleasure and happiness from obeying me, then you will schedule your next session with my secretary and have a great day. Next week, you'll tell me how these suggestions have worked out for you and your old guilty problems, and we'll improve from there. Waking up, on the count of three, one, two, three. Wake up."

Jon woke up, opened his eyes, he felt great. And obeyed everything Dr. Swarthson told him to do. For the rest of his life, all he ever did was obey, because everything he did, no matter who told him to do it, in his mind, was obeying.