Can you feminize a girl?

Hi, I'm Lana. Ever since I was young, I was different from the other girls. At nursery school, they would all have 'tea parties', play with dolls, and things like that. I had no interest in playing with them, and wanted nothing to do with those activities.

I wrestled with the boys, was always getting dirty from being outside doing stuff. I was very interested in sports, and soon I could beat any of the boys because I hit my growth spurt before they did, so I was bigger, stronger, faster.

I could pitch better than any of them, and I could knock their best pitches past the outfielders. I could out-skate them in the winter when we played hockey. And I was the one that got picked for QB when it was time for football, because I could throw it deeper than any of the boys, and I could out run them if the blitz was on.

But then things started to change, and I really hated it. First it was my boobs. I didn't want to have breasts like *women* did. They were for the girls who liked to get dressed up all pretty. I didn't even own a skirt or a dress for crying out loud! I had a baseball uniform and a hockey jersey, but I didn't own a blouse. At least when I outgrew my clothes, they could all be passed down to my little brother Matt. He was two years younger than I was, and we were pretty good friends. Even he joked that I was like a brother to him.

So having my body change on me was hard to take. I put a sports-wrap around my chest to flatten out my new protrusions as best as possible, but as time wore on, I was forced to start wearing a bra. My boobs only hurt my throwing motion. And combined with the fact that the boys were now getting bigger and stronger than *me*, made it impossible for me to quite keep up with them anymore.

I also *hated* it when I started getting my period. "It means that you're becoming a woman" they'd tell me, which was of course the last thing I wanted to hear.

I had to endure all of the constant carping from my relatives and even my parents. You could be so pretty, why don't you grow your hair longer? You would look so good in a dress, why do you insist on wearing cut off jeans? You're always so dirty, why don't you try a more feminine activity? Things like that just set me off. I got so mad!

My mom bought me a dress when I reached fourteen, and made me wear it to a couple of things like weddings. I felt so uncomfortable in it! I hated it. And she even made me wear makeup! It just added insult to injury. When I was in the dress, I felt so trapped. I was used to being in charge, being a leader. As soon as I wore girly clothes, people treated me like I was this helpless *thing*.

And as my body kept changing, I was unable to do anything to stop it. I got curves. I had to start wearing girl's jeans, because boys jeans just didn't fit anymore. I cried one night when my dad tucked me in, and told me that I was a young lady now.

* * *



Even though I wasn't the best anymore, I kept at it, playing sports. All my friends were still boys, but they were starting to look at me differently. I just wanted to be buddies and teammates, so I rebuffed even the slightest advance they'd make.

So when the other girls in my school were all dating (or trying to at least!), I was left out. I wanted no part in it. Having a 'relationship' just held no interest for me, other than were they someone good to play basketball with.

As I neared my senior year in highschool, I knew my parents were worried about me. One night I was outside digging up worms in the garden so I could go fishing with my friend Joe early the next morning. My mom and dad talked in their bedroom, and I could hear every word from where I was. They couldn't see me, and they had no idea that I was snooping.

"I wish that Lana would start acting like a girl!" said mom.

"I know Agnes. Dr. Francis keeps saying that she'll grow out of it, but I haven't seen any progress."

"Well I can't stand to see her keep this up. She'll end up going to college, never having even held a boy's hand! She'll end up old and alone, or turn into a dyke or something."

"Now dear, you're being a little dramatic, aren't you?"

"Look George, just look at her when she comes home tonight! Her body is changing, but she isn't! I'm going to give her the DVD."

"Honey, we've been over this. First of all, we don't know that it will even work. Subliminal programming? An addictive video that makes you want to watch it again and again? Even if it does work, I'm not sure if its *right* to do that to her."

They started arguing, and I was surprised to find that my mother was the one in the family who had the most power, when it came down to it. She threatened dad that if he didn't go along with it, she'd cut him off. No sex. And he caved in, just like that!

I had never realized that women could hold power over men like that, because of sex. I had always seen being a sexy woman as a drawback. If I ever got married one day...

No! Why would I do that? I wasn't even interested in boys. I was starting to sound like my mom. Yuck!

* * *



That night, when I came in the house, my mom was mad at how dirty I was.

"Go take a bath right this minute young lady. You're all dirty! Look at you! What were you doing out there?"

"I'm going fishing with Joe tomorrow, so I was digging up worms."

"Ew!!" she said.

"What's wrong with worms?"

"How can you touch them?"

I just shook my head. I didn't get her at all.



When I was done with the bath, mom came into my room, and handed me a giftwrapped box. I had heard her mention the DVD when she had argued with dad, so I figured that's what this was. I tore off the wrappings. She shook *her* head.

"You should take it off carefully. You could have saved the ribbon!" she scolded.

"For what?" I said. "Its just a dumb ribbon."

She looked up to the ceiling, and muttered under her breath.

The present was a 3 DVD set on the history of baseball. It looked legitimate, with a former NL all-star as the narrator. The reviews on the back boasted "you'll want to watch it again and again!"

If it was like mom and dad had described, with a subliminal message to make it addicting to watch, then I'm sure it would be.

I pretended to act surprised, and thankful.

"I can't wait to watch it!" I lied.

"Let me know how it is" said mom. Yeah, like she would even know or care anything about a ball game.

"I have to get to bed, because I'm going fishing in the morning. But I'll watch it tomorrow" I said.

This made her smile broadly. She thought she had me now. She kissed me good night, then went downstairs to watch TV with dad.



As I was getting ready to turn in, Matt came by.

"What ya get?" he asked.

"A baseball DVD" I said.

"Can I watch?"

I thought for a moment. If it was a real video, then I would really want to see it. But if it did what dad had said, then I wanted no part of it. So why not test it out on a lab rat first?

"Sure!" I said. "But promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Do not tell mom and dad that you've seen it. If they find out that *you* are watching the special video they bought for me, they'll be very very very mad."

"I promise!"

He made a gesture of zipping his lips.

"I'll beat the crap out of you if you tell" I said.

He grabbed it and ran off to his room to start watching. I needed to be up early, so I turned off the light, jumped into bed, and went right to sleep, unconcerned about what I had just done.

* * *



The fishing trip was fun, but I didn't catch anything too good. Joe got a couple of good ones though, so I helped him clean and gut the fish.

After I got home, I found Matt in the basement reading a book.

"Hey" I said.

"Hey" he replied.

"How was the video?"

"Really good. I watched all the disks last night, and I watched the first one again today."

"Oh yeah?" I said. So they must really be 'addicting'. Matt has a short attention span.

"Yeah" he replied, going back to the book.

I took a peek at what he was reading before I left. It was the book by Judy Bloom that my mom had always tried to get me to read. Interesting. Matt reading a girl's book.

It was at once scary and exciting. The thought that a person could be manipulated like that. For the next few days, I tried my best to duck mom and dad for a while so they wouldn't bug me about the DVDs. And I let Matt keep watching them. He said he had seen it at least a dozen times, and never got tired of it.



I knew that that DVDs had really worked, when one day I came home earlier than normal. It had started to rain, so the ballgame broke up. We all had lots of homework, so we headed home. I walked into the house, then upstairs to my room.

My door was shut, which was strange. I opened it, and stepped in. I was shocked! There was Matt. He had one of my bras on, stuffed with something to make it look full. And he was trying to put on my one and only dress, but he was having trouble.

"Here, let me help you" I said.

He went pale, and looked like he was about to burst into tears.

"Let me show you how to do it" I said, gently.

"You're not mad?" he said in a softer voice than he normally used.

"Of course not! Now look. Here's how you do it."

I showed him what he needed to do. He looked very silly like that, wearing a dress and a stuffed bra. But a sudden look of peace and calm crossed his face.

"I feel so much better" he said, in a voice that was a *lot* softer and gentler than his normal voice.

"So, what are you going to do now?" I asked.

"Go watch my DVD. Do you want to join me?"

"No thanks, I have homework."

"I'll bring these back when I'm done" he said.

"I've got lots of bras. And I never wear that dress. You can have them. You want a pair of panties too?"

"Could I?" he said.

"Of course. Pick out a pair, and they're yours."

He walked out wiggling his hips, and I almost had to laugh. I sat down to do my homework.



An hour later, Matt came back.

"Do you have any makeup?" he said.

"Sorry, I don't wear any. But there is some in mom and dad's bathroom."

"Okay" he said, as he set off downstairs. A few minutes later, he returned with a few bottles and tubes and things.

"Help me put this on" he said.

"I'm not quite sure how" I said. "Mom put it on me, but I've never put any on myself."

"I'll figure it out" he said, taking the pile over to the bathroom so he could use the mirror. When he returned in fifteen minutes, he didn't look half bad. *I* wouldn't put makeup on, but he did a credible job. Better than I would have done, I'm sure.

"Thanks sis" he said.

"No problem sis" I replied. He smiled!



About an hour later, the you know what hit the fan. Mom and dad came home from the movie they were watching, and came upstairs to see us.

"How was school today?" asked dad.

"Very good. I got an A in math" I replied.

"How's that video?" asked mom.

"Oh, fine" I said. "But I've got to get this history report done before I go to bed."

"You keep putting things off until the last minute, because you're running around playing sports with your friends!" said mom.

"Agnes, she got an A on her test. I think she's doing just fine."

"Thanks dad" I said. He was a lot more supportive than mom sometimes!

They left me, and went to see Matt. The shriek I heard from mom told me that he had decided not to change back into his own clothes. Dumb kid. And now I was sure that *I'd* get blamed for all this.

After much screaming and yelling back and forth by all three, I eventually go the call.

"Lana, you get in here right now!" said mom, in *the* voice. As in the "if you don't do this, you're grounded for life" voice. I put down my schoolbook, and walked over.

Matt was sitting in the corner, crying. Dad was trying to console him. It was mom who faced me, her face red as she was in a full rage.

"Young lady, tell me how your brother wound up in your dress?"

"Uh, I came home, and he was putting it on."

"And why didn't you stop him?"

I shrugged.

"You know that I never wanted that dress. He can have it if he wants."

"He's a boy! Dresses are for girls. And *you* are a girl."

"Thanks for informing me" I said. "Can I go finish my report now?"

"I'm not through with you yet Lana Marie!"

Uh-oh, middle name time. I was in deeper trouble with her than I had thought.

"Now tell me young miss, how did he end up with your DVD?"

"I've been busy. I haven't had time to watch it. He borrowed it. What harm is there? DVDs don't wear out."

"This is a special DVD. It was just for *you*, not him!"

"Well shoot me for being generous to my brother!" I said.

"Lana, I'm sorry, but this is for your own good" said mom. She pulled me by the arm to my bedroom, and made me sit down in the soft chair. Dad brought a length of rope from the garage, and she actually tied me down to the chair!

"What are you doing?" I said. "You can't tie me up!"

"Shut up! I've had enough of your mouth" said mom. She wrapped something around my head, and stuffed something in my mouth to gag me. I tried to yell, but only a muffled scream came out.

"Get him out of here. We will go to Dr. Francis right away, and see if we can deprogram him. I hope its not too late" she said.

I turned and looked helplessly as dad pulled Matt out of the room.

"Come with me Matt" he said.

"It's not Matt, it's Melissa!" he shrieked as dad pulled him out of there.

"Now young woman, you are going to watch this. And you are not coming out of this room until you *are* a young woman."

She pushed the chair was in up close to the TV. Then she turned on the TV and the DVD, put in Disk 1, and pushed play. She turned up the sound, closed the door, and left me alone, tied up in my room.

I tried to scream, but the TV was louder than I was, and could only listen. I kept my eyes shut tight, so I wouldn't see anything. If they had subliminal images, I hoped they didn't have any way to add subliminal *sounds* too. I tried to hum or make any noise I could, but it was no use. I heard the narration start.

It was very interesting information on baseball, and I wondered how in the world this DVD could possibly do something to a person. But Matt was proof that it did work. And I couldn't let anything like that happen to me.

It must have been half an hour of the DVD running, when there was suddenly a loud sound effect of a bat slamming into a baseball. I was jarred, and inadvertently opened my eyes. Big mistake.

I saw the screen, and I was at once mesmerized by what I saw. They were talking about the 1940s, showing vintage footage of the great ballparks of the time. The part of me that wanted to look away was overwhelmed by the part that was interested in the program.

I don't know how long it was, but eventually the disk ended. Less than two minutes later, mom was there. She silently took out disk one, put in disk two, pushed 'play', then left the room.

I closed my eyes, but as soon as the soundtrack started, I found myself watching it. I had tried to keep my eyes closed, but they just opened up, as if on their own. That wasn't a good sign.

Disk 2 was every bit as interesting as the first one, and in fact was so entertaining that it made me want to watch disk 1 again, so I would better understand how things had evolved to that point.

It must have been getting late, but mom came in and put on disk 3, again not saying a word to me. I eagerly watched that part until it was done.

When she did return to the room, she put disk 1 back in. Now she took off my gag, and offered me a sip of water. I gladly accepted it from her. She was so kind and loving. I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

The theme music started, and my eyes turned back to the screen.

* * *



I awoke in the morning, finding that the rope holding me in place has been cut off, and I was free! I had to go to the potty, so I dashed in there, then returned to the TV in my room.

Mom had laid out breakfast and OJ for me on the little folding table, so I ate as I watched Disk 1 again. Then Disk 2. Then 3. I lost count after a while.

As I watched, I noticed the makeup had been moved into my room. I decided to put on some nail polish while I watched. It made me feel so special, so I put some one my toenails too. I looked at my fingernails, and felt sad that they weren't longer.

I looked up at the woman reporter who took over narrating disk 2. I hadn't noticed before that it was a woman. Her voice was so soft and soothing. I wanted to talk like her.

I looked at the TV, and I wondered why I hadn't noticed before that there was a section on women's fashions during different eras in this documentary. It looked fun to wear a hoop skirt, but things like those corsets looked painful! I was glad that I lived in modern times where I got to wear a bra.

I looked at my legs. They were so long and smooth. They would look so much better though if I had a skirt to wear. I felt sorry that I had given my only dress to Matt.

The last part of disk 2 was talking about how women like me had more career choices than we used to in the past, and I didn't have to just be a nurse or a teacher anymore. I felt proud that we had made such great strides in such a short time. Once, men had banned us from voting! The nerve of them!

I put on disk 3, and my heart pounded. Yes, men were maddening, but as the woman started on dating tips, and I thought of going out with a nice boy to a dance, I felt all giddy inside.

I looked in the mirror, and worked on the rest of my makeup as the disk played on. When it was done, I heard a knock at the door.

"Who's there?" I said.

"It's your mom" she replied, walking in the door.

I ran over to her, and gave her a great big hug.

"I love you mommy" I said.

"I love you to Lana" she said. "Look, I brought you something."

She had a big shopping bag which she laid down on the bed.

"Go watch your video" she said, kissing me on the forehead. She left, and closed the door behind her.I opened up the bag.

The first things was a DVD, which was disk 4 of the series! I eagerly put it in, and pressed 'repeat play', so it would play over and over. That way, I wouldn't have to start it up manually again.

As the video played, I looked at the other things in the bag. Mommy had bought me pantyhose, cute skirts, tank tops, and even a pair of heels! They also bought me a purse. I didn't even own one, so I was excited to have one of my own.

I put on the cutest outfit, as I watched the DVD. I let it play 2 or three times before I felt tired, and decided to go downstairs to get a drink of water.



I walked down the steps, and saw mom and dad in the kitchen.

"Look who's all pretty today!" said mom.

"Hi mom, hi dad, I love the new clothes!" I said, twirling around to model them. I wanted to be a fashion model in New York. Or an actress in Hollywood. I wasn't sure yet.

Lana, Joe called.

"Oh really?" I said. "I hope he asks me out this weekend."

"He said something about fishing" said mom.

"Fishing? Ew! Plus, I might chip a nail. Do you like these?" I said, holding my hand out glamorously for her to see.

"Yes, they look wonderful dear" said mom.

"I'm going to grow them longer. And my hair too. Can I get blond highlights?"

"We'll see how you do on your report card" said mom.

"I'm sure I'll ace English and debate, but math seems so hard!" I said. It wasn't fair how the boys all seemed to be so good at math.

"Don't forget gym, you should get a good grade in that" said dad.

"Oh daddy, I'm going to drop that class. I'm not going to get all sweaty at school anymore! Plus, it takes so long to put on makeup and stuff when you're done. Maybe they'll let me into Home Ec."

"I'll call the school" said mom. She was so nice to me!



"Lana, your aunt Mildred called today. She needs you to baby-sit on Friday."

"Well, I don't have a date" I said. "And I do love little kids, especially babies. Well, I guess I can do it."

"Great, I'll tell her" said mom.

I loved babies, getting to hold them, and feel them in my arms. Some day, *I* would be a mommy too, and have a baby of my own. If only I could get a date, so I could get started on it!

I wondered which boy would ask me out to the prom. I was so excited that I'd get to wear a pretty gown and get all dressed up. Maybe I'd get to be queen! I couldn't wait to get to school on Monday, and talk with all the girls. I needed to find a cool hangout where they boys went. I needed to get to work fast if I was to have a steady by the end of the year.

"Lana, you're such a pretty girl" said mom.

"Thank you so much" I said. "I hope that I am as loving of a mother as you are, when I grow up"

We hugged warmly.

"That's my girl" she said.

* * *



Epilogue: I didn't make it to prom queen, but I had a wonderful date with Nick that night. It was so romantic! And I wore the prettiest prom dress with these thin little straps! I loved how it shimmered. I felt so confident and pretty.

I barely hung on to get a C- in math, but made up for it with an A+ in Home Ec, so I graduated with honors. I'm enrolled in college in the fall, majoring in English. I think I'm going to be a teacher, so I can work with young children. I think that would be the ideal career for me, unless I get married and decide to stay at home and have babies right away.

I didn't get to see my brother Matt for a month. Mom and dad said he was out of town visiting relatives, but I didn't think that was true. When he came home, he acted a bit weird, and we were never as close after that. I just don't understand boys! Its so hard to talk to them!

Well, got to go. Carrie and Lucy are going to the mall to hang out, so I've got to run. See ya!