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A loss of control

by sramaus


Lee leaned sleepily against Mark, watching the movie's credits scroll past on the screen. The evening had been pleasant. After waffling between the different ways that they could have spent it, they had decided on a film, one of those mindless comedies that allowed you to shut your brain off and be entertained. In all honesty, Lee hadn't focused on the movie very much. Halfway through, Mark's hands had started to creep up his leg in the way that meant that Mark had something particular on his mind besides the movie and Lee had given in, skipping the feigned and playful resistance that he usually made a show of and going straight into his boyfriend's arms. 

The young -- not so young anymore! He had had his twentieth birthday only a month earlier -- feline bumped his lips against Mark's, stealing a quick kiss before moving his muzzle to occupy the comfortable spot where his boyfriend's neck met his shoulder. They had met the previous semester and had hit it off quickly, moving from acquaintances to lovers in a scant three weeks. Mark, a year older than Lee and a class above him in the university that they both went to, appealed to Lee in a way that other men had not before. He was a good deal taller and a touch wider than Lee, and the feeling Lee got from nuzzling against the black fur of Mark's naked chest never failed to send shivers down his spine.

"For someone who was grumbling about the choice of film, you seemed to enjoy that far more than I expected," teased Mark, wrapping his arm around Lee and pulling him closely against him.

"I don't think that it was the film," came Lee's mumbled retort. He resisted the temptation to raise his tail as Mark's hand traveled over the curve of his rear, squeezing gently through his jeans. He shut his eyes, relishing in the simple pleasant feeling of being held by someone who cared about him.

"What do you think about a little fun tonight? You know what I mean, kitten," slyly said the older feline.

Lee resisted the impulse to frown, despite Mark's use of his pet name. Mark had admitted his hypnotism fetish almost four months into the relationship, already after the point at which they had decided to share an apartment. The idea had certainly sounded unusual to him at the time, but Mark had patiently soothed Lee out of his doubts and he had agreed to give it a try, with the promise from Mark that he would videotape the whole thing, just so that he could know what was going on. A dubious Lee had sat down, feeling like an idiot, as Mark swung an obviously fake gold watch back and forth in front of his eyes. When he had next regained consciousness, he was sitting on the couch opposite a smug looking Mark, who wordlessly pulled up the video file he had recorded with his computer and treated Lee to a video of him making love to Mark with more enthusiasm than he had ever displayed. 

After that, Lee admitted that he didn't really think that there was anything wrong with it, and if it made Mark happy, they could continue. As such, periodically, Mark lulled Lee into a trance -- at this point, they had moved past the point where the watch was a necessity -- and, assumedly, they very enthusiastically got it on. If probed, Lee might have admitted some trepidation about the whole thing; he never remembered a thing, although periodically Mark would video tape them again and, in truth, it was pretty exciting watching himself like that. Still, a certain part of Lee was bothered by the idea and they both knew that he was only doing it to humor Mark.

Lee heaved a melodramatic sigh and straightened up in Mark's lap. He momentarily toyed with the idea of playfully refusing before deciding against it. What was the point of foreplay if he wouldn't remember any of the fun?

"If you insist," he mock huffed, his fingers already starting to undo the catch on his jeans.


Lee woke with a flourish the following morning, stretching his arms wide and yawning furiously. He dozily scratched his stomach before rubbing the morning bleariness out of his eyes, finally turning to glance at the clock on his bedside table. The display read 10:27, which was fine by him. He was not, and never had been, a morning person, and it was no coincidence that he avoided registering for any class before noon if he could. Mark was the complete opposite and got up far earlier than he did, coming back right when Lee was just getting ready to leave each day.

He pushed himself reluctantly out of bed and lurched over to his dresser, pulling out the bottom drawer to reveal stack after stack of thick disposable diapers, which in no way struck Lee as unusual. He grabbed the closest one with one hand and used the other to snag the other supplies, a container of wipes and a can of baby powder, that were resting on the dresser's top. All necessary items gathered, he dropped them unceremoniously at the foot of his bed and then settled himself atop it as well.

Lee did not hesitate a single iota as he unfolded the diaper -- a thickly padded and babyish affair, with cartoon characters printed across the front -- and positioned it underneath his rear before settling atop it. After bending over just far enough to reach the wipes and powder, he carefully used the former to clean every little crevice of his crotch before using the latter to sprinkle the nursery-scented baby powder liberally about. A mild erection began to form, but Lee pushed it out of his mind, stuffing his hardening shaft down before pulling the front of the diaper between his legs, which immediately bowed to accommodate the thick padding of the diaper. It was easy work to tape the fasteners, two on each side, up and a moment later, Lee was done and back on his feet. He had to waddle slightly as he made his way over to the closet, the babyish garment taped up around his waist denying his efforts to walk normally.

A moment later, his closet door was open and Lee was critically examining its contents. He thoughtfully thumbed through the sun dresses, jumpers and onesies that made up his wardrobe, the dominant majority of it colored in girlish pinks, purples and yellows. Deciding that he didn't feel like dressing up in anything fancy, he picked out one of his favorite outfits: a white tank-top with short laced sleeves, along with a big purple heart in the middle and the word 'Princess' proudly stenciled in big block letters across the top. This, coupled with his favorite pink and yellow skirt, would do the trick.

Another yawn escaped from his throat as he pulled the tank-top over his head and pulled it down. It was a little tight, but Lee was nonetheless pleased at the way his slender chest slightly protruded through the shirt's fabric. From there, it was an easy job to step into the skirt and a moment later he was carefully positioning around the waist, pausing for a moment to admire the way that his thick disposable bulged prominently and obvious beneath the hem.

A faint plastic crinkling sound accompanying his every movement, Lee stepped in front of the mirror mounted on his closet's door to admire himself. He thought himself absolutely adorable looking, and the way that his still-erect cock rubbed gently against the diaper's padding every time he moved was starting to drive him a little wild. He reached down and watched himself in the mirror as he fondled his cock through the front. 

An idea suddenly occurred and opened another one of his dresser's drawers, pulling out a yellow pacifier with a purple ribbon attached to it. Carefully, lest he accidentally poke himself, he fastened the ribbon to his tank-top and then pushed the pacifier's nipple into his mouth, where he began to nurse immediately. His outfit thus completed, Lee turned back towards the mirror to admire himself, which was, not so coincidentally, right when the trance-like state that he had been in since he had woken dropped, leaving Lee's mind unhindered enough to realize the truth of what was going on around him.

"What the hell," the feline said, staring at himself in the mirror. He tried to say this, at least; the pacifier in his muzzle, which he had ceased nursing, hindered his ability to speak somewhat and caused it to come out in a mumble. 

For one long and shocked moment, Lee simply stood there, shocked by the infantile appearance of the feline looking back at him. A small part of his mind was vaguely aware of the erection -- straining just as hard as ever against the soft cushion of the diaper's padding, if not even harder than it had been a moment ago -- that he still had, but for the most part, it was all that he could do to stare at the sight of himself arrayed in the most girlish and babyish outfit that he had ever seen. 

Lee finally worked up the will to move, the only thought in his head being to tear off the humiliating outfit that he had dressed himself in, starting first with the diaper. His hands moved to the tapes that fastened it to his waist and he quickly attended to them before taking the plastic sides in his hands and forcibly pulling the infantile garment off.

He tried to, at least. The only thing that the forceful gesture accomplished was to send him off balance, causing him to stumble backwards before falling onto his amply padded rear atop his bed. Confused by what had just happened, he pulled the hem of his skirt -- and it was /his/ skirt, a little voice in his mind reminded him -- to reveal the diaper in its entirety. He was startled to find that the tapes were still firmly stuck tight and that it hadn't moved down his legs an inch. He stared blankly at it before moving his hands back down to try again.

What followed was a full minute of Lee trying desperately to unfasten the diaper with not a single bit of success. Whenever he went to grasp the tape in his fingers, he fumbled at the last moment and the end result was his hands did nothing more than flop uselessly against the front of his disposable. As if things could only become worse, he became consciously aware that his exertions were forcing the disposable's front to rub against his erect shaft, which responded by sending an almost dizzying wave of pleasure through his groin. As he realized what was happening, he gave a small squeal of disgust and tried to suddenly and furiously to pull his tank-top over his head, but his efforts there seemed equally fruitless. 

After another full minute of struggling with top, skirt and puffy disposable diaper, he realized that, for whatever reason, he seemed completely and totally helpless to remove the humiliatingly girlish clothes that he had just dressed himself in. As he lay on his bed, panting slightly from his actions, he also became aware of the fact that, even then at that very moment, he was still nursing on the pacifier ribboned to the front of his tank-top. A moment later he realized that he couldn't stop nursing, regardless of how fiercely he tried to stop.

Lee was at a total loss of what to do. Panic and confusion rushed through his thoughts, while all the while he did his desperate best to ignore the fact of his painful erection that was practically demanding attention from inside its infantile prison.

A dream? Surely none of this could be real, thought Lee, calming slightly. The idea of a closet full of dresses and a dresser full of diapers became a little less bizarre with the realization that none of this was probably real. Any moment now, he would most definitely wake up in his bed, dressed in nothing but the boxers that he put on before he went to bed. Having decided that this could be the only possibility that explained what had just happened, he pinched himself rather sharply on the chest through his tank-top.

This only had the effect of making him yelp through the pacifier. It hurt.

Lee stared at the ceiling. Okay, he thought, if this is a dream, then I just need to wake until I wake up. He lay there expectantly, staring straight ahead, waiting for the moment to come, but after a full three minutes had passed -- the duration of which he tried to ignore the fact that he was still nursing desperately on his pacifier --, he decided it wouldn't hurt to be a little more proactive in trying to regain consciousness.

The young feline pushed himself up into a sitting position, once more taking in his outfit with a small grimace of dismay, though not with the same panic that he had had before, now that he had convinced himself it was a dream. He pressed his hand against the front of his diaper, as if to just once more confirm that what he was seeing was what was really there, and was rewarded with a faint plastic rustling sound and another almost painful reminder of the erection rigidly pushing against the soft inside of the diaper. He was particularly embarrassed about the erection and he stopped for a moment, pondering the implications of dreaming such a thing, before pushing the whole thing out of his mind; best not to think about it and try to instead focus on waking up!

For the second time, Lee pushed himself off of his bed and took a few cautious steps towards his door. The disposable diaper between his legs reminded him of its presence with each step, forcibly bowing his legs apart and putting a waddle into each step that he took along with conspicuously crinkling too. Trying his best to ignore it, the anthropomorphic pushed open his door and waddled out into the living room.

Outside of the obvious weirdness of his clothing, nothing else struck Lee as bizarre as he waddled into the living room; things were exactly as he remembered from the evening before. He took a quick tour around the apartment that he and Mark shared and was unable to find anything else out of place. His last room to check was the bathroom, which also seemed free of the bizarre happenstance that had started his morning, though he did catch a glance of himself in the mirror that caused the inside of his fuzzy triangular ears to pinken. He quickly waddled out of the room and was headed back towards the living room when it suddenly happened.

The most urgent and desperate pressure that he had ever felt suddenly made itself known in his bladder. Lee was unable to stifle the small groan of displeasure into his pacifier as his legs became weak, causing him to stumble into an awkward position against the wall. He was intensely aware of the furious straining of his shaft against the front of the diaper and, glancing down, he was able to see the front of the infantile disposable tented by his erection's pressure. There was no decision for Lee to make; he gave into the pressure with no conscious effort on his part.

What followed was one of the most intensely pleasurable feelings that Lee had ever experienced. His eyelids slipped, giving him a look of pleased dopiness as wave after wave of blissful warmth enveloped his body, leaving him stunned in his prone position. There was no opportunity to stop or think about what was going on, only the option to let the feeling take its course. A short minute later the feeling had passed, though Lee was still conscious a pleasurable warmth surrounding his crotch, almost as if the strange occurrence had been strong enough to remain imprinted in his physical memory. After a needed moment of recovery, in which he simply kept his eyes pressed shut and nursed hungrily on his pacifier, he struggled back onto his feet.

Lee was immediately aware that something was wrong. The trace remanants of pleasure were still there, but they were now accompanied by a droopy and heavy feeling, one that gave him difficulty as he tried to regain his balance. He looked down and, after just a short moment, realized what was wrong.

His diaper was soaked. Even from this angle, the feline was able to see that the padding had swollen enormously under the heavy weight of what felt like a gallon of urine. Lee gaped only, taking in the gentle yellow hue that had been adopted by the plastic and noting with numbness that cartoon thunderstorms had appeared over the cartoon characters, who were now huddling under umbrellas. He had been completely helpless to stop himself from pissing the thick disposable diaper like a little infant.

What's more, he realized with mute shock, is that he enjoyed it. Now more than ever, his erection was straining furiously against the front of his diaper, the tent created stained a slightly darker yellow from the imprint of his shaft tightly held against the now sensuously warm padding. Making no conscious decision to do so, acting as if a higher power were compelling him, he pulled up the hem of his adorably girlish skirt to expose the diaper in its fullness, then pressed his hand against the front, right where the bulge was centered. If the feeling of pissing himself was pleasure, then there could be no word powerful enough for this. Lee's shaft positively throbbed as he put increasing pressure on his hand, prompting him to lean back against the wall as his knees became too weak to support him. It was all he could do to moan into the infantile pacifier that he was even still sucking as he began to masturbate through the thick padding. 

What followed was, at the same time, one of the most maddening and sensuous pleasures that Lee had ever felt. Lee couldn't stop rubbing himself through the diaper's front, pushed forward by the wonderful feeling of the urine-soaked diaper rubbing against his shaft. At the same time, however, it was almost like a sort of torture -- the feelings were pleasurable, but at the same time, it was the pleasure of the orgasm yet to come, each furious rub evoking the same feeling that he had felt seconds before every climax he had ever experienced. Climax here never came, however, and it was all he could to do whine into his pacifier as he fondled himself, desperately trying to reach the orgasm that would never come.

He continued like this maddeningly, unable to stop, for what felt like hours. All sense of time had deserted him, and it was entirely possible that he might continue like this forever until, quite suddenly, his trance was broken by a familiar voice that he immediately identified, though he had long ago pressed his eyes tightly shut.

"You look adorable. Did you know that? I was almost hesitant to say anything at all, just because I wanted to see how long you could keep going."

It was Mark. With one final groan, Lee pushed his eyes open. There he stood, his boyfriend standing over with him a triumphant expression mingled with what only could be lust. The younger feline stared mutely at Mark, his only movements the constant nursing of the pacifier that his muzzle refused to let go of. He was completely and totally confused by the bizarre turn of events and he could only look blankly at his boyfriend, waiting for the previous half hour to make any sort of sense in his mind.

Mark gave a low chuckle that ended in a rumbling purr. He moved over to the couch and settled in the middle, patting his lap as he did so.

Immediately, Lee felt an undeniable urge that forced him up onto his feet. With a couple of waddling and tentative steps -- more akin to a toddler just learning to walk than anything, really --, he cleared the length of the living room and settled himself into Mark's lap, his entire weight centered atop of his diaper. He was intimately conscious of the way that the soaked padding pressed against him, the babyish garment more intimately knowing his crotch than he himself ever had. He groaned into the pacifier and laid his head unthinkingly down on Mark's shoulder.

"W-what's going on?" was the most he was able to mutter into his pacifier. The words came out garbled, but still understandable.

Mark smiled, pulling the younger cat closer to him. One hand moved under Lee's rear, cupping the thick disposable in his hand and alternatingly clenching and unclenching his hand, an act which did nothing at all to mollify the stiff pressure of Lee's shaft in the front. Mark's free hand pulled Lee's head away from his shoulder, and he forced the smaller feline to look him in the eye.

"I think that we both know what has happened. You're my itty bitty kitten, and you absolutely love it, don't you?" 

Realization came about slowly, but eventually the shocked Lee made the connection of what was going on. The image of the gold watch swinging in front of his eyes came to the forefront of his mind and he realized that it was Mark, his boyfriend, that had done this to him, feeding line after line of instruction to him while he was under the trance's power. This had to be the culmination of it all, Mark's mental tampering so effective that it had left him dressed like a baby girl, furiously masturbating through the fabric of a soaked disposable diaper.

A sudden clarity of thought existed in Lee's mind as he realized this and he made to start, but at that exact moment, Mark gently rested his hand across the front of his diaper. Lee had no more ability to stop himself from arching his hips hungrily forward, a yowling meow fed into his pacifier as his boyfriend's gentle touch was translated into one of the most sensual and euphoric feelings in his mind. Mark, entirely aware of exactly what was going through Lee's mind, just smiled and gave a gentle stroke that practically sent Lee into begging mewing hysterics.

He leaned forward and whispered into Lee's ear, "Does kitten want to cum? You know what you have to do."

A faint voice clamored in the back of Lee's mind, whatever was left of his intact psyche before Mark came and shoved it aside to fill it with his own instructions. It screamed and roared, insisting inside his head that he needed to get up and get away, and that he could still fight Mark's mental intrusions if he really wanted to.

It was drowned out by another feeling though, the most intense which he had ever felt. For a moment, Lee was unaware of what was going on, but the realization of what was going to happen struck him with impending certainty as he felt his tail lift into the air of its own accord and his body hunched slightly. Trying desperately to stop what he knew was coming, he tried to scream and yell, although his body, seemingly to act of its own accord, just nursed the pacifier with more ferocity. 

Mark's pleased grin widened as Lee began to force the contents of his bowels into the seat of the diaper that he had already completely soaked. It was the most raptorous feeling that he had ever experienced, and even as it happened and the warm and squishy lump collected underneath the curve of his rear, he felt the pressure in the front finally give way as he experienced the most intense orgasm of his life. It was as if everything around him had ceased to exist except his humiliatingly full diaper, his throbbing orgasm and his boyfriend, still tightly clutching him to his chest.

The tiny portion of his brain that stood apart continued its pleas for attention. It was at first overshadowed and then swallowed up entirely by the sensual strength of feeling that had gripped his infantishly attired genitals.

It was the last time in his life that Lee would ever hear that voice.


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