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The piece that never fit...

by mesmorized

The piece that never fit...

Tommy always felt different then everyone else but never understood why. People always say your childhood makes you who you turn and to be and it seems that's what Dr. Fill seems to think about Tommy as he looks over the notes of his previous psychiatrist. You see Tommy is having trouble living in reality and holding a steady job. He's become very depressed over his lack of independence and the way his life turned out completely then he thought it would, not that he ever really thought about himself in a particular way, he just thought he would be happier. Well that's enough for the basic background info. Let's jump to Tommy's first session with Dr. Fill.

"So Tommy, I just want to say I've reviewed the notes that Dr. Amok took during your sessions with him. I just want to say that I would like to start fresh with you and you can talk with me about anything and everything you feel comfortable with. This is a safe and confidential place. What you say in these sessions will remain between us," said Dr. Fill.
Tommy sarcasticly replied,"That's great you cleared that up doc! I thought you would post these sessions on one of the forums online somewhere."
Dr. Fill took in Tommy's reply and made a mental note. "I'm glad you understand the importance of privacy within these walls. I would like to make real progress with you instead of trying to break down all the walls you built around yourself which isolate you from others."
"You want me to break down walls? I thought the walls are what protected my policy," Tommy joked. Dr. Fill just stared blankly it Tommy. "Doc relax! If you want to make progress you need to loosen up, but breaking down walls? Where to start?"
"Start at the begining. The earliest time you feel there was something wrong, or to put it slightly different, when you felt something not right."
"Well, putting it that way, some of the early memories don't exactly have an exact time code on them so I can't say for sure what happened first. What really stands out at me now is the fact that I like building things. Nothing is really wrong with that. I actually liked it so much and was pretty good at it that I wanted to be an architect later on in my childhood when I discovered something."
"What did you..."
"Doc I'm on a roll here! Where was I? Oh yea, the building was something I was proud of. The part that I would role-play with my toys was another. Yea, yea, I know that's normal for a developing mind but it's what I was acting out with them that is weird. I would make two sides which fought. The one side that caught the other would feed the captives a formula that would make them babies."
"That is a little different but please go on."
"Well I also have a memory when I was three or four wearing a diaper and staying in bed yelling at my sister that I want to wear diapers when I grew up. My sister laughed and the memory ends but picks up with me later. I envisioned a world with which adults wore diapers."
"Okay, now I see why the roles which were assigned to your toys seems to separate you from others. The way you attached to diapers and the bedwetting problem till 9 can make isolate yourself from connecting with others."
"Thanks for pointing out the obvious. I see why I was referred to you. Anyway that's not all. There was an incident while over the neighbors house who had a baby in diapers and a kid a year or two younger than me. We were playing hide and seek and I remember hiding under the crib with a pack of diapers. I took one out and it smelled so good. Then his mom came in and saw me with the diaper and she said something like she was going to put me in the diaper and I started screaming noooo! Then it's all blacked out."
"Try to remember more about what happened. Focus on you yelling noooo! Try to let yourself remember. Did something happen you might not like or couldn't deal with at the time but now you can."
"Doc, I know you're trying to help and you are insinuating something happen but either I don't want to acknowledge it or really can't remember. All I know is there might have been a few other similar instances but I otherwise pushed all that out of mind. As I tried to have a normal life, I never really fit in. Well it was a superficial fitting in. I bounced from social group to social group when I found my best friends. When puberty hit, the feelings to be diapered returned but it was as a fantasy of being forced into diapers by some girls I liked at school. I tried to connect with my peers by blocking out these thoughts to the back of my mind but I fell through the cracks of the social order."
"Wow. That's alot of walls you broke down today. I would like us to end our session today where we're at so we can reflect on what you said. We can pick up on this next week."
"I know I said alot doc but I can still go. But I guess I bored you enough today... Or I am too much of a freak for you to handle. Is that it!?! I'm a f***ing screw up and I'm passed fixing up!"
"No! Wake up! Your not a screw up. It's time for you to wake up. We will continue at your next session."

A week passed and Tommy entered his next session.

"To review with you Tommy, last session you told me you are a diaper wearing freak who wants to be forced into diapers by a dominating female. You are worthless second rate human who will never fit in and you like it. Does that sound about right?"
"I don't think I put it that way..."
"I put it that way for you. Go on with the rest of your story."
"Okay?! Well I didn't fit in much at highschool and I discovered jilljordansdiaperandplasticpantszone. It was crazy. It made me feel crazy at first for exploring the site, but then I felt like I wasn't alone. I got addicted to visiting the site. Looking at pictures, reading the stories, just about anything about the site. I didn't participate in the forums but the site became my social circle. It was enough to get by when by chance I started hanging with my best friends I lost touch with.
This made me isolate diapers from my thoughts and tried to be normal. When highschool ended, my friends left me alone and I returned to diapers to find jill's site closed down."
"I could imagine you felt alone again, but more alone then you felt before. How did you cope with this feeling that overwhelmed you?"
"Well I searched and found other sites that had forums and stories and pics. But then I found hypnosis and I attempted a cursenightdiapers file but no results were apparent. I then tried the cursebedwetting and saw a few accidents and then could no longer get into a trance that seemed to work."
"Well what are you talking about? The hypnosis is not working? Then why are you here?"
"I'm here because you made an appointment with me for our session."
"You're not putting it together yet are you. The reason you're here, the reason you had theses experiences that led you here, and the reason you're wearing a very wet diaper right now is because of the hypnosis you listened to."
"No! It can't be. There's no way."
"Yes way! The real thing that is going to blow you're mind is whether you were destined to listen to hypnosis that would make you diaper dependent from the moment you're born, or did listening to hypnosis alter the life you lived or changed the memories to make you into the diaper dependent person you are today? I myself am alittle confused just from asking the question. Here's the question that needs an answer,'Are you happy that hypnosis has made you the way you are?'"
"I'm just so confused. Yes! Erh NO!... I don't know. Can you tell me the answer?"
"Well............... I can't answer that because I think it has already been answered," came a soft, calm strong-willed voice belonging to nonother than EMG.


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