This evening was alot of fun. i finished work pretty early even tho i had to do an extra half hour because my floor manager saw me keep checking email. but i had some fancy plans. see last night i had an experience were i couldnt use the bathroom until i sucked my thumb. i just couldnt rember how to pee its like the weirdest thing. then i sucked my thumb and i felt all safe an protected like a kid again and i could let go. i wondered if thats a one off thing or like it would trigger if i suck my thumb again. i was thinking may be i suck my thumb and that safe childish feeling is gonna come back an ill be all warm and happy.

i dont kno when ill have privacy at home dont know when my flatmate Nik will be in so i decided as soon as works over ill go up to the park one of the quiet bits in the woods and suck my thumb and see what happen. sounds great right i never thought the trigger might make me pee again. i dont know why it just never occrued to me but i guess it was kinda obvious. i think watcher 0707 guessed it on a comment but i didnt see that until i went out.

So i got to the park and started walking into the woods and then i suddenly thought of it. i said i wasnt going to go so far with this this time and already i was here walking into the woods about to try some thing that might make me wet my knickers. i couldnt beleive i let it get so close.
But then i thought again i dont think hed do something like that and i want to believe its gonna be kinda sweet+innocent. i didnt want to risk it but then i didnt want to stay up all night wondering not knowing whats gonna happen. so after i walked round for half an hour all exited and curious like the cat i just decided.

i sat down on a log of one of the little paths with a kinda sandy coloured gravel. i cud see any body coming down the path but maybe with all the fir branches they cant see me even if any body came. i sat down on a log and spread out my skirt its a knee length pleated thing and i had it like sunflower petals out across my legs at the front and stretched out to a stubby branch behind me so it wouldnt get wet. i dont know y i was so sure it was gonna make me pee but its the olny yhing that really made sense and by then i was certain. but i still had to do it so id know for real i couldnt go so far and come back at the last minute.

so i sat there a coupla minutes and put my hand up an stared at my fingers. i licked a little spot of piripiri sauce off my thumb i must of missed it b4. then i stopped for a second and thought no thats not sucking is it. i gotta do it properly. so i put my thumb in my mouth poked the broken bits of my nail with my tong a bit but nothing happened so i started sucking properly.

May be its just a one off after all. but y do we teach our kids to stop doin this? its like squeezing them stress balls and things what you get for xmas every year of some aunt and then lose. so relaxing but grownup arent allowed to suck your thumb. i think its not even any kinda hypnosis trigger it just feels nice. i think from now on i gotta find some time every day some were to have a good suck and get rid of any stress or watever.

then i get back and i gotta couple new emails. ones from a Master i trust tellin me he can tell the difference between dislexic spelling mistakes and bein lazy an if i keep on not bother to check he mite make the key board bite me again so this time i took more time and looked up some of the words im not sure about. hope that makes it easyer to read now.
and wile im writing theres a lovely little puppy running around carrying a bit of paper in its mouth. i tryed to catch it a few times but its too fast. i dont know who's it is it cant be Nikolai he doesnt seem a spaniel kinda guy and dont they eat dogs over there or something? or maybe thats raceist to say idunno. so maybe its a hypnodog thats not really there i could believe that i think its holding the bit of paper that was diappearing last night. ill keep trying to catch it in the morning see what happens. i mite not be able to get a disappearing bit of paper but i can catch a naught puppy. i no how they think hehehe.

happy to see Watcher and Master Angel leave comments too maybe you guys got some ideas for me. i got a day off tomorrow thats why i took a free evening today so id be able to go to bed early and have a full day to shop and play and get my visa stamp and everything. cant do that if i oversleep but now its hours after midnite anyway but still not as late as it woulda been working.

so heres hope i wake up early enough and hope i got a couple nice emails to play with.
i love you guys