i spent good moments yesterday with my friend mat. i think that i was seducing him unconsciously. we shared a lot and it was nice, very nice. after 4 hours talking i sat silently and looked at him, i was not thinking about anything in particular. it was a very strange moment, feelings were melted, nothing couscious, a mix of excitation and sadness... then he came next to me and leaned his head on my knees!! wow! how did this happen? i mean, i was kind to him all night and kind of seductive too but didn't want anything like that , trust me! i felt quite bad and wanted to leave after that... i was confused but didn't want to hurt him, if he needed comfort i could be here after all. still, he felt i was uneasy and stood up instantly, saying he was tired and needed to sleep. i nodded and went back home walking fast... i was feeling quite bad, i had hard time trying to sleep later on, alcool wasn't helping much... so i went to the chatroom to express my sadness... i don't recall much, i just know i was in a bad mood. when i feel like that i shouldn't write anything because i always regret afterward... and none of it is true anyway, i must sleep when i am sad ... next time, i will!! oh! mistress! i miss you so much! you can't imagine. not seeing you for so long is torture! but i will endure it for you, i didn't even touch once in more than a week and i don't want to, i don't really need to, because i know my arousal comes from you now, you only, and i don't want to spoil the pleasure i will have when i see you next time. i love you deeply, judy