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izatga88's Recent Entries

Losing Control

by izatga88

I'm a little.....panicked. I have not ran my loop for almost two weeks, and it seems like the farther out I get, the stronger the urge to listen becomes. It's like I'm in a hot desert & am thirsty, and my file loop is like a bucket of ice water. I can actively FEEL slutty thoughts rolling out of my subconscious - no trance this time, I've ~actually~ conditioned my subconscious to be a bimbo, and I can freaking FEEL it working against me now.

I said before, it's not like its a second personality, it feels more like when you are doing something.....naughty, like something bad that your not supposed to - like being upset and eating too much ice cream; you know it's bad to, but it just tastes so good, you might as well keep eating it, even if you feel like crap or even puke afterwards.

I'm freaking out since I'm nowhere near being in a trance, I'm fully awake, yet it feels like the next time I let my guard down, I might not "wake up" again. What's worse is that the feeling gets stronger the more I try to resist it. I CANNOT go to work wanting to suck everyone's cock.....at least not in a high-profile job.

I'm worried too, I know I've added stuff to my loop before while I'm too horny to think. Security command #3 (which I mentioned in my 3/11 entry) shuts my will off & makes me hornier if I even THINK of trying to "Remove All" or whatever - I was NOT in my right mind when I added this. If I got SO horny that I put some weird hypnosis command into my loop (and the fact that I'm even suggesting this now means that it will be the FIRST thing that my horny-bimbo-self goes to after orgasm)......I really might transition completely from being a bimbo only when under the effects of the files to being 100% conditioned to my core 24/7.

Each of these past few nights has been a fight to keep my file player off. I can actually feel my sense of self starting to finally slip - I always thought that total loss of self control would be fun/awesome/sexy, and while the thought still turns my pussy into a sexy waterfall, it doesn't make for a very functional lifestyle. I'll try to update again soon.....hopefully with what remains of my IQ after those last two trances still intact.

Comments

- ztshp

That is so hot, you've made your bed I'm sorry to say I hope you still remember us

- izatga88

I know. @_@

The bad part is that the more I try to logic myself out of the situation, I loop back to the fact that I WANTED to try and see if I could influence myself with the bimbo programming in the first place.

I'm headed in for bed now.....

- zapnosis

I have been through something similar, so I have some sympathy. You have successfully programmed your subconscious so not only is that influencing your thoughts as before, but every time you stop concentrating on what you are doing your subconscious tries to trip you up. With discipline you can pull through it, eventually it will fade as long as you keep off your training. Of course, if you relapse now it will only make it harder to resist in future. But it's true - it is very hot!

- nativedragon

while it is hot i dun wanna lose the smart computer using typing correctly IZ :( she is mah friend

- izatga88

Thank you for the gesture I guess Dragon? XD

I went to bed so late last night that I passed out, but yeah, Zap seems to have a good handle on what's going on right now....I'd actually like to hear more about your experience!

Otherwise, I made it to this morning, but I can't believe I'm feeling like it would be so easy to just comply and be a bimbo...

- BillionSix

I have to agree with some others here. I am rather torn. My smart, decent, super-ego side sympathizes with your problem and is even a little worried for you. But the turned-on id side thinks this is really hot, and is excited at the idea of you losing yourself forever into a giggly bimbo persona. Here is a thought, though. Through all this, you've never actually gone all the way. You've gotten super giggly and horny, and you've played with yourself an awful lot, but have never actually had sex. The one time you almost did, it was with someone you knew well and trusted. So, even though your conscious mind has this bimbo subconscious kicking at it, there seems to be something sensible even below that protecting you. I guess you have a couple of options: 1) Tough it out. Resist all urges and hope the suggestions fade. They probably will. If you take this route, I suggest you erase and destroy all copies of your playlist. If you want to listen, you will have to start from scratch. 2) Give in, enjoy the mindless pleasure, and hope your deepest self kicks you out of it if things get too messed up. This is fairly likely, since you seem to have something in there protecting you. Ultimately, it's up to you, though. I hope you keep us posted. I think a lot of us have the fear that you will become so horny and scatterbrained that you will stop posting. If that happens, maybe we'll hear from you in several months, when your deepest self kicks your brain back awake, and you can tell us what happened. :)

- nativedragon

well IZ in my own expairiment with hypnosis other then my inital effects nothing's happened i guess my mind when it comes to hypnosis it goes on high alert *shrugs*

- ztshp

Believe In your self IZ I love how smart and dumb you can be

- Konton

It'll be hard but you can do it. Just stay focused on not using your training and as others have said it'll fade While it might not mean much you'e got my support

- izatga88

I slipped when I took an hour nap before dinner tonight, but caught myself 5 minutes in to the hypnosis loop on my player. Small clothes....large tits......long wavy & dyed hair.....so hard to keep away.

I'm headed in for bed now, so I think I should be safe for the night~

- nativedragon

C'mon IZ you can fight it you got us supporting you (Other then the guy who wants you to give in=_= *sighs*)

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