It's been a pretty quiet month so far. I'm not sure if it's the cold or what, but I haven't done anything sexual since the end of January. It's been a nice break from constantly being turned on and craving cock, and everything has been pretty quiet all around. I still haven't worked up the courage to call my friend and ask if she remembers anything that happened that night I was over, and both of the guys I picked up online don't seem to be worth my time.

I try not to talk a lot about a few particular items - triggers, personal info for example - lord knows I get enough PMs either trying to get me with hypnosis by text (PSA guys: I purposefully have an extreme resistance built towards it), and the last thing I want to do is invite something unforeseen into this situation when I'm as otherwise suggestible as I currently am. Heck, if even my sister got a hold of my hypnosis/brainwashing outlines & stuff, she'd have me scrubbing the house down 24/7 with a toothbrush & I'd be helpless to stop her (she doesn't like to clean @_@). That said, aside from the files, I have so many tiny little parts of my programming wrapped into my daily routine (from waking up and brushing teeth to grabbing lunch) that I would really, seriously be afraid that attempting some complete deprogramming would leave me with a completely blank and empty personality when adding things to it had previously worked so well. I'm also very concerned that the positive benefits would get wiped out too - I'm certainly a lot more chatty and social to be with now, and as I've said, I'm happier these days and pretty relaxed about stuff.

It's not just about all of the programming anymore either. Whether I originally did it for fun, or experimenting, or whatever, I've not only affected myself in a way that seems permanent, but the reality around me has changed too. I might not be bouncing up and down like a giggling slut at the moment, but I've already had to correct a mountain of spelling and grammar errors while typing this - I'm at a point where I cant remember what life felt like before I started bimbo-washing myself, and everyone around me now sees me as one.....further locking me into that position. I can just barely recognise that something about myself is unnaturally different, but I stopped actively caring.....at some pint in the past & cant help it.

I'm a dumb bimbo. Everyone around me knows it - not because I told them, but because that's what they observe......it's what I observe too.

My likes & hobbies are different now, I'm helpless to solve complex problems.......and have no desire too. I used to be FURIOUS if anyone implied I needed a guy to do something in my place, but now, I'd rather sit back and not have to stress myself over it. I hadn't given it much thought before now, but I really don't care about going on to graduate school anymore - I'd rather work with something simple.......helping to sell clothes and stuff seems lots of fun. Being a giggling airhead is such a habit/reflex......even if I tell myself to consciously avoid it, I cant help but let all of the mannerisms I've been taught slip in.

I like how everything is right now - quiet, not stressful in the slightest. I'm probably the happiest I've been in years. I've still got this nagging thing hanging on though, that it would be disgusting to be someone else's property......but then, I actually DO want that right? I cant argue that I like to be rubbed, touched, poked, and pleasured until my brain bursts......I barely have need of anything else right now.

I don't really know what I want or how to go forward I guess? What exactly ~do~ I know though, I'm a dumb bimbo after all? I cant remember when or where it happened, but I'm a helpless little girl that likes having cocks stuffed into her mouth and holes, and some part of me both likes and dislikes that.