At the very least, the scientist inside of me is glad that I've stuck with everything long enough to get an accurate idea of the effects of hypnotism-y conditioning/brainwashing.....and the sex-crazed bimbo part of me just wants something vibrating inside me. I totally would give everything a try all over again if I could go back in time, but I'd certainly opt to avoid "curse" files at this point. I think I've learned a whole lot about myself - both emotionally & sexually, though completely giving in to sexual desires and opening the door to all that crazy stuff seems to have left a permanent mark on me.

It's been long enough that I can pretty much confirm that I've got some weird, subconscious timer that dictates if & when I visit this site here.....the stronger my bimbo personality is at the time, the more-likely I am to post something on here. I'm also just about 100% positive now that my last major mental break was caused by my resisting the programming (especially after having my sister yell at me). It's like it's a delicate dance of balance.....keep up with conditioning myself too frequently and my default personality starts to get effected VERY noticeably; put it off for too long and my bimbo personality freaks out for some unexplained reason.

I've literally got two different points of view fighting over whether or not it's worth trying to erase everything to stay sane, or leaving it as-is to allow myself a bit of freedom & insane levels of pleasure. .....I mean, holy shit.....who the hell WOULDN'T get addicted to it when it makes you feel like the entire universe was created ~just for you~ to orgasm your brains out. I guess the part about it that scares me is that there are times where I really wouldn't mind it being permanent if it wasn't for the fact that I still have to function to pay bills & feed myself.

Anyways ~ I've actually gotten my typing skills back for now (yay). Not sure what exactly did it, but things feel "right" for the moment in spite of having slipped into bimbo-mode last night (hard as I tried, I couldn't say much more than "like" and other.....short uncomplicated things. I could try to say something in my head, but it would come out as some dumb/sexy mess). That "pink suggestion", if anything, is probably going to be the death of me.